Duckygirl1

so just found xabf is apt hunting with his new gf (a nurse) he met in rehab right now!!! Are you effing kidding me!!! 48 hrs to get his **** or it going in a dumpster! I'm on hold now trying to get to his freaking rehab to talk to him. Trying with all the grace of God almighty to stay calm. So thankful you are here so I can get this out of my head! I am seriously losing it here!!!

Just talked to the person at the rehab and blew his head off! He didn't really deserve it, but he answered to phone poor dear. Really really don't give a hot dam. I know it's not his moms place but this stuff is gone or dumped! I can't breathe!!!

I dreamed of him last night too! I was at the rehab and he was with a girl! I woke up in tears!!! Oh, my prophetic soul! Why is this so hard? I knew she was there. I know him that well. But this whole moved on and getting a new place and I'm still fighting to just get through the day without cramming 3,000 calories down my throat to stop the pain! Everyday I'm getting better then this hit me like a brick. I HATE THIS MAN WITH ALL OF MY BEING RIGHT NOW!!!!

Fandy

If he is indeed your "X" why do you have all this personal knowledge about what he is doing?

I don't know how long he is gone or what the circumstances are, but one notice to pick up should be enough with a specific date/time, then out to the curb if he is unconcerned.

remove his stuff and truly make him the X....don't worry about what he is doing, living with whom ,etc. not your business, unless you have children together or a divorce pending.

hopeful4

Let Go Babe.....I understand you are hurt. I totally get it. However...why are you calling his rehab???

Just Let Go. Breathe....

Duckygirl1

My friend who is still in contact with the family told me. She hesitated because she knew it would be hard for me to take. He's there for 10 more months. I called the rehab to tell him to make arrangements. Left one doozy of a message I can tell you that. He gets free weekends. He can come get it during one of those. Left a VM on his phone and with his mom. The mom called me back and told me that he's not seeing anyone. I was with this man long enough to know she will cover his fanny on anything. I am so bent right now. Staying off of the ledge. I just can't seem to envision a new normal for myself. Working on it. It's just bits and pieces at the moment, but not solid. I actually feel lightheaded. That's a new one

fluffyflea

Can you drop his stuff off with his Mom or better yet have her come and get it?

If not is there a dumpster nearby?

hopeful4

I know. I will never forget when I kicked my X out, and I could not really imagine what it would be like. You will create your own new normal. You will be glad in the end you don't have this chaos around you. Sometimes when we are forced by circumstance to move forward it is the best thing for us.

Hugs to you. You can do this.

knowthetriggers

He is not worth all this effort Ducky.... tight ((hugs)). Take a walk or a run to get out all this frustration.

Let. It. Go.

One. Day. At. A. Time.

Serenity prayer.....

firebolt

Oh Ducky I hope he gets his crap out of your place FAST.

You know what this girl he has met is in for. You know the implications of him dating a rehab nurse - for him and for her (and so should she). I know it hurts, but please, just breath....and thank your lucky stars it isn't you anymore.

Stay angry if it helps - I know that sadness makes me hole up in bed and binge on netflix and pizza....but anger, anger makes me GET $H!T DONE! For ME!

I hope you take that anger and use it to wipe him from your memory for a while - use it to get things done at your house, build something, get some exercise, join a club or group, and to pick up a new hobbie. Use it to find who you are when he doesn't exist in your life. Sending you strength to let all that crap go....and to turn your part of it into a fulfilling, exciting, and peaceful existence!

fluffyflea

Look if he's hooked up with a re hab nurse imagine how healthy she is??????????

Be glad you are out if you can.

What kind of stuff do you have of his?

LexieCat

If there's anything valuable I'd consult a lawyer. It's a fairly simple issue and shouldn't cost much to find out how you can unload his stuff without being responsible for its loss.

fluffyflea

It doesn't seem right that it's become your responsibility and there is no way to get rid of it.

LexieCat

The wrinkle here, as I see it, is that he's in a rehab and presumably unable to take any action personally to retrieve it. I don't know what the original agreement was, or if there was any at all, but I'd rather have legal advice backing me up before I dumped it.

fluffyflea

If it's just small stuff can it be dropped off at re-hab?

dandylion

Duckygirl....he is in rehab for 10more months and he is out looking for apartments with a nurse he met there??????
This story sounds a bit shaky to me.....it just doesn't make sense. Is this nurse a patient or employee?
Rumors can get very twisted.

Maybe, validate the info, first, before you go running with your h air on fire.....

And, that poor guy that you verbally abused...(and, you don't even care).....

He is an "x". Time to start cutting that cord. The anger is damaging you....

I think his stuff has become a way to hang on to the relationship....the sooner yu resolve this issue, the better off you will be.....

dandylion

Duckygirl1

You're all right. Lexie, I do need to spell it out in writing. It was just verbal. We were a couple when I agreed to hold it. It's expensive electronics, clothes etc. My blasted conscience won't let me dump his stuff. His parents are off on another cruise tomorrow! Won't be back til end of May. The dad wants to get away from the insanity of his sons (older brother is a raging addict) and the mom is losing it because she fears her boys will literally OD if she's not here. Her words.

The nurse is a client also not an employee. The no fraternization rule isn't worth jack! He has a job now I'm told and they have weekend passes. Sometimes they will get another client "escort" to take them to dr's appts and court dates. Since the escorts are clients too and don't give a crap, they usually take little side trips to see friends, take in a movie etc. they usually make some excuse about running late to cover.

I took him to a court date one time with his "escort". The court time was 10am. I picked them up at 9. The escort had me drop him at his girlfriends house. We were done in court by 10:45 since his lawyer pretty much had it worked out when we got there. The rehab estimated that they should be done by 1. We called the escort, escort called the rehab and made an excuse. We didn't get back until 4. Had lunch, went shopping and got caught up. This is an everyday thing. So, yeah. He could be apt hunting easily.

They get pee tested the first couple of times out when they return. After that they are on their "honor". He's goes to off site meetings and sober parties. We just had the 2 big county conventions a few months back. He told me what a great time he had at those. My daughters rehab was the same way. That's how she met her current bf only 3 months into her year long stay. I called her counselors and went off! These fly by nights are about money and that's all!

But now about me. I am going for a nice run and try to figure out what my new normal is. One thing that I do know is that I am of my job and the industry as a whole. I have to do something else. It's just not healthy for me anymore. Thanks guys for being there!!

biminiblue

Why don't you put it in a storage unit and send a registered letter tot the rehab telling him where his things are and where to send payment for the storage (like the address for the facility - not $$ to you.)

readerbaby71

If he can leave the rehab he can come and pick up his stuff. I'd give him 30 days in writing and after that it's outta your house.

Hang in there! xo

LexieCat

The problem is that the contract would be with her, not him, and she will be on the hook for the fees. If he were to agree to be responsible for it, she could pick up a contract from the storage place, have him sign it, and then the contract would be between the two of them--she would be done. Might be worth seeing if staff at the rehab would facilitate that.

Timeiskey

I had a dream like that once and then a few days later saw my ex with a woman with a similar build and hair from my dream. It was very strange. Sounds like you have a lot of emotional energy that is being projected in many different ways. What about some meditation? If you don't want to stay in the red-level zone of emotion, then try to step back to your side of the street. Who cares who he is dating? I know how it sounds right now to read these words. I know it seems impossible to back away, but you will...and you can start whenever you are ready.

firebolt

This is a great start! It's taken me the last couple years of work to even realize I've surrounded myself with addicts (boss, friends, abf.) The healthy people in my life, well, for some reason I turned SLACKER at maintaining THOSE relationships! Those people love me, but I called and caught up with them the least - WTH?! Those are the people I want in my life! Since detaching, I've picked up reading again, knitting, more exercise, and quitting smoking. Amazing how we let ourselves go when we let addiction suck up our resources.

This time is ALL ABOUT YOU - you are great now....can't wait to see who YOU are without all that baggage!!