luvs-a-cop

The love of my life is an alcoholic. He has admitted that to me and we have talked about it occasionally. We've known each other for twelve years - been dating for more than two.

He has "quit" over Lent before. He's is denial about asking for help, so I dropped the subject and am getting help for me.

Went to my first al-anon meeting last night. I was scared, but am SO glad I went. Finally, a room full of people like me. I told him last night that I joined and would be going every Wed evening. I said I was doing this for me. He hugged me and was very supportive.

He feels incredible guilt about his drinking. It's caused late nights for me waiting by the phone. Arguments - me just losing it and screaming mean things. (which is so NOT like me at all).

We've both been married before. My first H never really drank. Had a boyfriend years ago who was an alcoholic. I broke up with him after being "on and off" for two years. He was married for 13 mos. She was a "wild & crazy" party drinker. I don't know that he drank as much then as he does now. I believe the stress of his job has alot do with the progression of the drinking. My boyfriend is a police officer.

His father is an alcoholic, but everyone in his family (wonderful family too) is in complete denial about it. I've spoken to his mom at length about my concern for her son/my boyfriend. We've discussed marriage and a future. I feel in my heart that God sent him to me, but am scared about the alcoholism and the effects it will have on our future, which includes having a family.

It's strange how alcoholism is everywhere - my father (still drinks), my sister (recovery and sober 10+ years), my nephew (still drinks), other nephew (recover and sober about 2 years.)

I'm looking for any support, friendship or guidance some of the more "seasoned" members have here.

I know I have alot to learn myself. One thing I have got to control is my angry outbursts when he is drinking or drunk. I have to protect myself from engaging in an argument when he gets snippy with me or when his guilt starts kicking in.

I know I could go on and on - and I'm happy to answer any more specifics.

Thank you.

N

Lorelai

N-

I'm not a seasoned member but I'd love to welcome you to SR anyway.

Sounds like you have a great plan and know what you need to do. Good for you.
Stick around and read and post. This is a great place.
I'm glad you're here.
L

Bellesarius

N,

Pat yourself on the back, you've taken the first step towards recovery. You've recognized that you need help and you have sought out Al-Anon. Al-Anon will change your life, if you let it. It's not an accident that you are surround by alcholism, you were raised in an alcholic family system. You are going to be attracted to alcoholics or others from dysfunctional but similar family systems because it's familiar to you. Don't feel to bad.. so am I and so is most everyone in the program. That's one reason why I like the term co-alcoholics sometimes over al-anons, we all suffer (drinkers and non-drinkers) from the same family disease. Now, I suppose you might be going.. HOLY COW that's a heavy trip.. it's not. There is so much hope, you are surrounded by people who care and have been there before. If you follow the steps and develop spiritually you will get better, your life will be one where peace and serenity are the norm, not the exception.

Keeping coming back, community is vital to recovery. There are many wonderful people who have gone before you and can attest to the fact that it gets better... it really does!

Cheers!

Magichappens

Hi N,
Welcome. Congratulations on beginning to take care of you. This has been a great addition to my recovery. Many of us belong to 12 step recovery groups like Al-Anon and Nar-anon. All of us are learning to heal and become whole. I hope that you find the help here that I have found. Be sure to check out the power posts at the top of the forums. They have a lot of great information. Glad you found us. Hugs, Magic