charis78

We were texting for a few weeks. He claimed he cares and even said he consider therapy. He even initiated texts sometimes. But I'm so angry. I basically said I deserved alot more than texting. I get so snippy too. For instance he wasn't replying to my text so I said enjoy your date. He replied "**** off. Im taking photos. I don't need this **** from you right now."

I didn't text him again and he texted me the next day saying it pissed him off when I said things like that. I apologiZed. Explained I'm coming off oxycodone and I'm really not myself these days. I also mentioned that when he sends those responses it make me feel like I don't matter. He says I do. That night he was texting me then he disappeared again. I said I hope he wasn't run over by a car and went to sleep. Next day he texted haha not run over just playing video games. Even bloody video games are more important than me.

I got angry bc I just think after everything he did he should put more effort into fixing things. I lost it. I sent alot of really mean texts basically rehashing everything he did, how his actions show he didn't care about me. The texts got crazier. I even accused him of using escorts. Anyways he has completely shut me out now.

I'm so sick of getting the silent treatment for weeks after we fight. I want things so badly to be the way they were but I'm so angry and hurt and I feel he is so indifferent to me. I know this is so petty compared to others postings. I've tried to be so understanding of him and he doesn't even cut me slack.

I don't even recognize myself anymore. I used to be such a sweet supportive person. Now I'm just angry And bitter!

Hawkeye13

You can step off the crazy train any time you are ready charis

I think you should consider changing your number and totally blocking, for good, any social media in either direction.

This cycle of interaction with this person is harming you and making it impossible for you to heal and move on with your life.

When you hit your bottom needing him as your "fix" you will do this.
Meantime, I'm sorry you are hurting but please reread your past posts here and I think
you will also see this pattern of reach out / rejection easily.

You are right--he is an addict and a selfish person and
You are on the bottom of his priority list and that won't change as long as he's using
and maybe not even if he stops.

LexieCat

So why are you still hanging on? He's obviously distancing himself from the relationship--whether that's because of his drinking or for some other reason, it doesn't sound like he's relationship material right now. His not texting you doesn't entitle you to send abusive and harassing texts to him.

If he isn't interested in "fixing things" and what you're getting right now is unacceptable to you, it sounds like it's time to move on.

Are you getting any treatment for the oxy withdrawal?

knowthetriggers

charis - sweetheart, you are wasting a lot of time and energy on this.

I would become irritated as well if someone was hounding me just because I didn't answer your text right away. He's an A, you know this, move on.

Time to take a step back and refocus on yourself.

redatlanta

You are trying to force him to "act" in a certain manner and when he doesn't you strike out with accusing texts. Do you think that this is going to result in a positive outcome?

If his texts , as you state, don't show that he cares about you then I'd take that at face value.

Block the number.

charis78

His texts show he cares. His actions don't. I just think someone that was sorry would do a lot more than just texting, like I dunno come visit me.

LexieCat

Actions speak louder than words. So ignore the words, and focus on the actions. Talk is cheap.

Refiner

I would imagine he's texting you caring things while he's drinking. Isn't it time to step away from that crazy train? It is kind of harrassment on your part to go off on him when he doesn't return a text in a timely or caring manner to you.

charis78

I think it's more going off on him after numerous occasions. It's still wrong I agree.

Hawkeye13

But focusing on him clearly isn't helping you

You said you are becoming bitter and angry and no longer recognize yourself.

Is the payoff of his sporadic texts / no action worth doing this to you?

That's in your control. He isn't.

charis78

No. You're absolutely right. The only thing this is doing is making me feel pathetic. I wish I dropped him the day he left me at the hospital.

marie1960

He has his addiction.

And

Charis has her addiction.

You have an expectation for him to get better, you want him to stop drinking , and deal with his issues. Yet, you are asking him to do something that you currently cannot/ will not do for yourself.

See, how crazy this addiction is ?

Sweety, you are addicted to him. Your addiction is consuming you. You are acting out and striking back in an unacceptable manner, no wonder you feel so crappy.

He is not who you thought he was. He is not available to be in a relationship with anyone. He is very busy with his own life doing exactly as he chooses, he wants to drink all day, and play video games all night, and then maybe barf all over his room, and wait for Mommy to clean it up.

C'mon Charis, is this really what you find to be a healthy situation ?I believe , you are looking for love in all the wrong places........

Duckygirl1

When someone walks out of your life, don't chase after them. Video games and photos and a thousand other things may be more important to him than you are. It is no reflection on your worth. Make yourself and YOUR healing the most important thing right now. You have more power here than you think ((( hugs)))

charis78

He wasn't always like that though.

Hawkeye13

He is now. That is the bottom line.
Your life is passing. This is also your now. How do you want to spend it?
Thinking about how he used to be doesn't sound too fulfilling, does it?

So what are you going to do to change your focus?
Make a list of concrete actions and start checking it off.

We'd be glad to give you feedback and suggestions if you like

charis78

I just wish I could be a better person. You know like understand the results of the events were from his alcoholism, that it's not his fault. Forgive him and never bring it up again. Be more supportive and less blow uppy. I use to be such a nice person. Now
I'm just angry... I need to get over it, let
It go but it's been eight months and I still haven't.

marie1960

Oh Charis, come to today.

The person you see, is exactly who he currently is. The wonderful guy you fell for, no longer exists, Yesterday is gone. Living in the past, is robbing you of your today, and tomorrow.

Hawkeye13

This sounds like being a doormat to a drunk, not a nicer person.
I've been a drunk, and a doormat to a drunk, so I know what I'm talking about here.

redatlanta

I just wish I could be a better person. You know like understand the results of the events were from his alcoholism, that it's not his fault.

Um. Why people end up with addictive personalities or whatever you want to call it I suppose that is not their fault.

Their decision not to do anything about it IS their fault.

Stop letting him off the hook for his behavior because its not his fault. Its his behavior, he may not have always been that way or maybe he was. Maybe he is just one of those people that's really good at hiding their bullsh!t. Plenty of actors out there that deserve an Oscar.

charis78

He did go to AA but hasn't kept going. That's what makes me angry. He knows how much his behavior as a result of drinking has broken our relationship but doesn't bother to do anything about it for the long term. When he asked for me back the first time he said he work on his drinking (only lasted three months). I guess I don't matter enough and he's willing to lose me. As he once said "I'm willing to accept I will be a boozer the rest of my life, are you willing to accept your a miserable bitch for yours"


Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. I realize my problems pale in comparison to others on here and feel bad for venting. I wish it was as easy for me to cut him out as it is for him. I ended up being the bad mean person out of this relationship well he walks away saying I didn't call her any names this time and she still went off. My craziness validates his decision to leave me and not get help