"Please come..."
 

My SIL called me again today asking me to please come with my AH and the boys to easter with the family. I declined. I've not cried one tear with the revelation of the 2 women, but when SIL called and asked me twice to come, I couldn't hold back the tears. She knows in her heart I'm done, but is still clinging to hope where I have none, at least not for our marriage.

On another note, when your STBXAH calls for little things that I don't need to be called for, what do you do? Mine keeps finding little things to call me about and its annoying. He called me while I was having dinner at CR this evening. I answered, maybe I shouldn't have, and he asked me something we have already gone over. he knows! I kept it brief and told him I was at CR so he let me go. It's still annoying. I am trying to make sure that when I'm busy I don't rush to answer and call him back when its convenient, I just didn't do that this evening.

*please leave a message after the beep, Katchie not playing anymore*.

Good for you, I see so much strength in you and you have come along way.

I actually do know how that feels, katchie....I'm still close to my former MIL. It's hard that so many people get hurt.

In time, and with practice, that automatic need to answer when the phone rings will turn into looking at the phone to see who is calling and then continuing on with what you were doing. I know you can't turn the phone sound off in case it is one of the boys, but your ability to just look and not answer will improve!

Hang in there!

Mmmmmyeahhh... I suggest giving him his very own special ringtone and let his calls go and only communicate via text and see how long he keeps that crap up of always engaging you to see where your head's at. That man has been living such a lie!!!

stbxah has his own ring tone, someone I use to know, so when it rings I let it go straight to voice mail. Then when I listen to his message I decide whether to reply or not.

If someone is contacting me that I don't want to talk to or don't like I change their name in my phone to something that reminds me - like my former business associate for example. His name became "addict thief". My ex I changed to "pathogical liar". Believe it or not this is very effective as far as squelching the curiosity for why they called.

Eventually they stop calling when you don't answer or will text you what they want and you can decide if it merits response or not.

lol

My XAH also continues to call on a regular basis, but because of my lack of responsiveness, he usually resorts to an email (if it is important). Otherwise, the calls would be much more frequent. At least he is no longer referring to me as his wife; only as his "dear friend". Sheesh!
I use a specific ring tone for him so that I can put him on ignore, and check his voicemails at my convenience. I have also mastered the art of "quick calls". He tends to go on at length or talk in circles in order to continue the conversation. I am able to redirect and conclude the calls very efficiently now (being a First Grade teacher has its merits).

^^This is a great idea! Might consider changing a few names on my phone as well ;)

Tight hugs Katchie and good for you for not wanting to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

No need to engage your husband every time he calls, but your sons are still part of that family. My sons still visit their dad's' families, and keep in weekly contact via phone. The boys having Easter at your sil's doesn't have to mean that you are reconciling with your AH. Any way you could do your Easter thing and then let your sons have a visit with that side of the family for a couple of hours?
Lots of times in laws worry that they won't be able to see kids after a divorce, and it causes friction because they think the only way to fix things is to try and keep the two people together, or to help the other spouse fight for custody. Making sure the kids have contact with their dad's side of the family might alleviate some of those concerns and allow your in laws to stop seeing you and your hubby as a package deal.

Yup. I learned that right away. Just b/c he is calling does not mean I have to answer. And later I would send a text and say, "I saw you called, is there something you specifically needed?" I keep it friendly, but I also keep it to texting. It's much easier not to engage that way.

Just my .02 honey. You are doing great!

On the same lines as changing the name and ringtone, it may also be good to make it such an obnoxious and annoying ringtone that you want to put it on "silent" as soon as it starts to go off! :-)

That is the awkwardness that I am still not looking forward to, holidays. My MIL wanted to know what to do about Easter as well. I decided for her sake, as I am still very close to her,(and will remain so) that this impending divorce is hard on her too. Because my STBXAH and I are still on friendly terms, I'm just going to suck it up, and go this year. This is all very new, and I don't want to be the one to make it worse for everyone. Next year however, I may just send the kids and bow out as gracefully as possible. Yes, things are weird. No doubt. I guess it just depends on how close you are to his family and if you plan to keep them in your life, and just not the kids lives on some level, and what you should do until then, until things become "accepted".

I fear as well that my STBXAH will be contacting me frequently also, most likely in those lonely moments. Fortunately, he is more of a texter, so it makes it easier to ignore. I think as long as you know the location of your kids, I'd just turn my phone off at a certain time, or maybe you can tell him to text. For some reason that is easier to handle than a desperate voice on the phone. Good luck. I feel your pain!!

I have no problem letting them make the drive with my AH to see that side of the family. They are great people that my sons love and I would never dream of keeping them from seeing them. This is more about a SIL trying to keep my AH and I together...the whole, "don't you want to wait and see what God has done in his life after rehab?" thingy that I don't want to wait, again, around for anymore.

Yeah, telling her God introduced him to a stripper in rehab might be less than diplomatic. I can understand not wanting to be exposed to that type of questioning, because I personally would be tempted to tell her stuff that she doesn't need to know. Good call on your part.