Blossom717

I made one step forward in my own recovery - I broke up with the guy that was what some of you called a "cling on" ...it wasn't easy.

Then I made 2 steps back. I had been flirting with someone I had a crush on that used to work where I work. He met me and my friend and her fiancé at a bar Friday night. (exs weekend with dd).

Well, I drank a little too much and we ended up..hooking up in his truck later that night.

I'm still beating myself up for it.

When I was younger this wouldn't really have bothered me. But now that I'm older it does, because I know I shouldn't put myself in that kind of situation. Plus...I kind of liked him and I know I blew it by appearing "easy." (the bad thing is, I knew it was just going to be a hook up, I kept telling myself that, but I still feel hurt afterward.)

So. Lesson learned. I'm officially backing away from any kind of male relationship until I can REALLY get myself together, and my self esteem back. I know it was stupid, especially after just breaking up with the first one (btw, I hadn't seen him in about a month but yes, still its not healthy).

I'm hoping that since its warming up that DD and I will be able to be more active again.

I don't really know why I'm posting this other than the fact that I am ASHAMED of myself and I'm not as far along in my recovery as I thought....

hopeful4

Oh honey, we all make dumb mistakes. Chalk it up to a mistake and move on. It does not make you any less of a great person or great mom. It just makes you human.

Tight, tight hugs! XXX

SparkleKitty

Blossom, you did something you regret, you can't change it, lesson learned. This is far from "2 steps backward". This is not something to be ashamed of, nor to fuss over too much. You've confirmed what you don't want.

Oftentimes the damage we do to ourselves by beating ourselves up for the choices we can't undo are worse than the damage from the choices themselves. Don't stop being nice to Blossom, okay?

NYCDoglvr

What helped me change was Alanon, and I recommend it for the support and insight. Try not to beat yourself up, it's all a process and we hopefully learn each step of the way. A big hug.

biminiblue

Oh boy. I've been there, sister.

I haven't done it for a while - many years, but then I'm really careful. I know what you mean about feeling yuck afterwards. That's what keeps me from doing it.

Alcohol continues to affect your life. Hey, why not quit?

~Signed, ex-alcoholic, ex-oopser

Brave

Blossom, don't beat yourself up! Shake it off, we all do things we regret. And you know what? If this guy is any kind of good one, he won't see you as 'easy,' he'll see you for who you really are. If he drops off the face of the earth, well, you don't want a guy like that in your life anyway.

But I totally get it. There are times where I'm sure I'm completely ready to date someone seriously, and then I'm completely sure I'm never, ever going to be ready.

Butterfly

Oh honey we all do things we wish we hadn't. Ok so you did something that you wouldn't normally do, don't beat yourself up about it, it's done and there is nothing you can do about it. Instead of being so hard on yourself could you try looking at this as another step in your recovery rather than 2 steps back. You now know this isn't what you want to be doing and as they say around here when we know better we do better.

Put it down as a lessened learned ((((((hugs))))))

LexieCat

I get it, and sometimes we do dumb things that we later regret in the name of just wanting some kind attention--to feel "hot" and desirable still.

Not a huge deal. Do you think men agonize like this? No, they are just fine with getting laid. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing, unless someone is deceived or abused.

Hugs, try your best to let it go.

Blossom717

Thanks for the support everyone. I think I really need to work on my confidence. And Brave - I agree.

I think I am going to take this summer off from classes and focus on myself, dd, and the house.

And I need to remember to not repeat history ...I just end up in the same places