Here we go
 

So this is the moment. I called him this morning, said I was going to file for divorce, and walked to his work to take the car. I am getting my clothes ready and getting the documents out.

I'm so tired, so drained.

He is still in the "go-screw-the-neighbor-guy" mode. So not taking anything seriously.

Wish me luck.

Best of luck healthyagain, thinking of you. This is a new beginning.

I am indeed wishing you luck, healthyagain. I'm also wishing you strength and clarity, and peace when all is over and the dust clears.

My thoughts are with you today.

healthyAgain...Of course, I also, wish you luck!

Be careful...act quickly and decisively. Do not engage in protracted verbal arguments with him, should he try to instigate these. Because....that is for sure to make things worse.

ABOVE ALL--do not physically touch him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't agree with your assessment that he is "not taking seriously".
His anger and stupidly accusatory statements tell me o therwise---he just doesn't have any other, better tools with which to "defend" his position.

Quickly, quickly, begin growing a thick rhino skin to l et these accusatory and blaming statements roll off you!

dandylion

Good luck and be careful!

Was there a need to take the car? Is that the only car you own?

Be careful that you don't engage in acts intended solely to provoke HIM, the way he apparently was trying to do with you. Do what you need to do, but be careful--these things can spiral out of control very quickly.

Thank you!

Yes, Lexicat. That is the only car and downtown is 3 miles away at least. I am not doing this as punishment or poking.

I made an appointment at 13:15. He does not know about it. He will get the car back before he leaves work.

Can hardly wait to talk to people.

Good for you.

Tight hugs, you can do this. XXX

Yes, do not poke the alcoholic. Good luck with everything!

Will be back with some good news soon hopefully. I wanted to go earlier this morning to that nonprofit law firm, but after talking to them again because I figured after doing taxes that there was more money to report, it turned out that we are above the 250% poverty line and that I do not qualify for any help. But that's ok, because they asked for $650 before even talking to me about the case.

However, I made two more calls earlier this morning (two private firms). One asked $35 for initial 30 minutes of consultation (and scheduled next Wednesday), and the other one that I am going to now wanted to talk to me today, and the initial consultation is free. I asked the lady about the fee, and she said we had to talk about the case first.

Just FYI, almost any lawyer you decide to hire is going to want a substantial retainer fee. You'll get any back that isn't billed, but divorce isn't cheap (the punch line is that the reason divorce is so expensive is that it's worth it). Often one party can be held responsible for the legal fees of the other, but you will more than likely still need to put down a retainer.

Lexie, I just cannot take it anymore. I have reached my bottom. If he only, only ONCE were serious about stopping, finding treatment, going to a marriage councilor, anything, I would not be doing this. But look at my profile year ... 2010! This is when I was sheepishly visiting this forum, hiding from him what was on my screen. I was desperately looking for the way to save us, having even a year of break, because I thought he would change.

Four, five months ago, I was terrified of making a simple phone call. I was terrified of contacting an attorney. I think that today I could have went through the phone book. I simply must do this, to see where I stand. There is some money saved, and I did want to wait at least till June, after paying all the taxes, but I had to do this. And I was even thinking of self-representing.

Good luck to you, just keep putting one foot in front of the other! Hope all goes well today.

You'll have a better idea after meeting with the lawyer whether it's feasible to represent yourself. It's easiest if you have no kids, little joint property (pensions and stuff included), and few joint debts. It also makes a difference whether HE hires a lawyer. If he does, you need one of your own. Believe me, I'm not trying to discourage you from going ahead with this, I just want you to do it with your eyes open and as much knowledge as possible.

Lexie, you have no idea how much I appreciate your input. I know absolutely NOTHING about lawyers and attorneys and divorce and separation.

I just came back, BTW. I talked to a super nice older man and he said that we could do it. He said that it would be uncontested (and we have no house and only have a car loan), and that the only thing we would have to do is divide the personal property. He said it wold cost around $1200 (separation would cost the same). I did mention that it is about alcoholism, that we simply cannot talk, that I would not be there today if I could do anything about it.

All in all, a very positive experience. I asked him if I could think about everything for a few days, and he said that I can take all the time I need and that they can certainly get me a divorce.

I really feel better. I was breathing on the way home and the air was so sweet.

Thank you for your support and good luck wishes!

Sounds like a plan, Fran! That sounds VERY reasonable. Sleep on it, but it sounds as if it could be relatively painless.

Healthyagain, If it was me I would definitely have an attorney. We may not like them, but when we need one, we need one. I know many attorneys who, despite their background, would not represent themselves in divorce proceedings. If nothing else, let somebody else shoulder that bit of the stress.

Hey! I resemble that remark! :)

amberly...were you aware that Lexie is an attorney?

dandylion

Awe Lex...you know we love you!