I went to al anon for the first time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 126
I went to al anon for the first time
Omg I was sooooooooo scared!!!
But I did it, a lovely small group with this feeling of such acceptance and kindness in the room!
Yes I'm still unsure.... is he is bad enough for me to be there, I'm over reacting, he's not a real alcoholic, this is not me, these ladies really have it much worse than me, I only scored 6 out of 12 questions on the al anon questions etc.
But I still went, I was brave, if I don't do something I'll go crazy ,
I hope to get over those thoughts I really really do....please tell me I will!!
But I'm def going back
Thanks to all those on here who supported and encouraged me to go
X
But I did it, a lovely small group with this feeling of such acceptance and kindness in the room!
Yes I'm still unsure.... is he is bad enough for me to be there, I'm over reacting, he's not a real alcoholic, this is not me, these ladies really have it much worse than me, I only scored 6 out of 12 questions on the al anon questions etc.
But I still went, I was brave, if I don't do something I'll go crazy ,
I hope to get over those thoughts I really really do....please tell me I will!!
But I'm def going back
Thanks to all those on here who supported and encouraged me to go
X
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
It doesn't have to be a certain degree of "bad" for you to be there. If his drinking bothers you, you belong there. It doesn't depend on whether he's an "alcoholic" or not.
And one of the first things they advise, in AA or in Al-Anon, is to "identify, don't compare." You don't compare your story/situation to that of others, you identify with feelings, emotions, crazy actions we've all engaged in in the effort to control the drinking or the drinker.
Hugs, glad you had a good meeting. Keep coming back!
And one of the first things they advise, in AA or in Al-Anon, is to "identify, don't compare." You don't compare your story/situation to that of others, you identify with feelings, emotions, crazy actions we've all engaged in in the effort to control the drinking or the drinker.
Hugs, glad you had a good meeting. Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Hi, johnno--I'm glad you went to Alanon and felt the sense of relief and acceptance that a lot of us feel when we start going. I'm also glad you found a group where you felt at home on the first try. Sometimes folks have to try a few before they find the "right fit."
I'd like to second what Lexie said about "identify, don't compare." This is another area where we and our A's have more in common than we'd care to admit. My A resisted going to AA and then resisted applying anything in the meetings to his own situation b/c he wasn't "that bad." He had a job, he didn't beat me, he hadn't gotten any DUIs, his health was OK, etc. In his mind, there was no problem. He didn't have any of the big markers of alcoholism--YET.
He tells me that in AA, "YET" is an acronym--"You're Eligible Too." And that strikes me as true.
On my side of the street, on the Alanon side, it's possible for me to act exactly like he did--"well, he's got a job, he doesn't beat me, he hasn't had a DUI"--and convince myself I don't need to be at Alanon either. Luckily I did stick around, and what I started to learn after a while was this: HIS actions and problem and situations are not really what qualifies me to be in Alanon. It's MY OWN dysfunctional ways of dealing with life. And while I too have a job, don't physically beat anyone, etc., I have a TON of ways I could improve my relationships w/my family and friends, the world in general, and with myself.
Just as I "didn't Cause and can't Control or Cure" his alcoholism, he "didn't Cause and can't Control or Cure" my codependent tendencies, anxieties, insecurities and so on. That's up to me. That's ALL on ME. Well, me and my HP...
So anyway, congratulations on taking what I believe will be a great step forward in your growth and healing. I know that feeling of "if I don't do something, I'll go crazy"--and I'm glad you chose the action you did. Wishing you clarity and strength.
I'd like to second what Lexie said about "identify, don't compare." This is another area where we and our A's have more in common than we'd care to admit. My A resisted going to AA and then resisted applying anything in the meetings to his own situation b/c he wasn't "that bad." He had a job, he didn't beat me, he hadn't gotten any DUIs, his health was OK, etc. In his mind, there was no problem. He didn't have any of the big markers of alcoholism--YET.
He tells me that in AA, "YET" is an acronym--"You're Eligible Too." And that strikes me as true.
On my side of the street, on the Alanon side, it's possible for me to act exactly like he did--"well, he's got a job, he doesn't beat me, he hasn't had a DUI"--and convince myself I don't need to be at Alanon either. Luckily I did stick around, and what I started to learn after a while was this: HIS actions and problem and situations are not really what qualifies me to be in Alanon. It's MY OWN dysfunctional ways of dealing with life. And while I too have a job, don't physically beat anyone, etc., I have a TON of ways I could improve my relationships w/my family and friends, the world in general, and with myself.
Just as I "didn't Cause and can't Control or Cure" his alcoholism, he "didn't Cause and can't Control or Cure" my codependent tendencies, anxieties, insecurities and so on. That's up to me. That's ALL on ME. Well, me and my HP...
So anyway, congratulations on taking what I believe will be a great step forward in your growth and healing. I know that feeling of "if I don't do something, I'll go crazy"--and I'm glad you chose the action you did. Wishing you clarity and strength.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I'm so glad you went. So, so, so glad.
And like the others said -- there's no "admittance test" you have to pass. The only thing required of you -- if I recall the wording correct -- is that somebody else's drinking is affecting you. And you can sign off on that, right?
I'm also glad you felt welcome and cared for. Seriously, Al-Anon was such a great place for me to just get to be myself. I didn't have to keep up a good front; I didn't have to pretend that everything was OK, and that was such a relief. I hope you keep going back!
And like the others said -- there's no "admittance test" you have to pass. The only thing required of you -- if I recall the wording correct -- is that somebody else's drinking is affecting you. And you can sign off on that, right?
I'm also glad you felt welcome and cared for. Seriously, Al-Anon was such a great place for me to just get to be myself. I didn't have to keep up a good front; I didn't have to pretend that everything was OK, and that was such a relief. I hope you keep going back!
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Hi Johnno, I am glad you went.
This is exactly where I was at and this is how the healing started.
See how easy it is to identify rather than compare?
When I went to my first Al Anon meeting, I was younger that the ladies there. It was a small group and they were either divorced or their loved ones were in recovery. In my book, they had it made! I was an alcoholic in early recovery going crazy trying to sober up my abusive alcoholic live in boyfriend.
They were talking about spiritual things, healing things, balanced things >they could as well have been speaking Chinese to me LOL< and all I could do was say my name and cry the rest of the meeting.
They were nothing like me or so I thought.
They made me feel welcome and told me to keep coming back
I am glad I did.
Keep coming back
But I still went, I was brave, if I don't do something I'll go crazy ,
See how easy it is to identify rather than compare?
When I went to my first Al Anon meeting, I was younger that the ladies there. It was a small group and they were either divorced or their loved ones were in recovery. In my book, they had it made! I was an alcoholic in early recovery going crazy trying to sober up my abusive alcoholic live in boyfriend.
They were talking about spiritual things, healing things, balanced things >they could as well have been speaking Chinese to me LOL< and all I could do was say my name and cry the rest of the meeting.
They were nothing like me or so I thought.
They made me feel welcome and told me to keep coming back
I am glad I did.
Keep coming back
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Johnno....LOL...I have s often thought of how ironic it is that people will put up with years
of horrible treatment (not necessarily meaning y ou) from an alcoholic....and, yet.....tremble at the thought of walking into a room full of understanding, compassionate others who have been in the same boat....and want only to offer love and solace....
Humans are funny.....
dandylion
of horrible treatment (not necessarily meaning y ou) from an alcoholic....and, yet.....tremble at the thought of walking into a room full of understanding, compassionate others who have been in the same boat....and want only to offer love and solace....
Humans are funny.....
dandylion
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
Originally Posted by dandylion 
Johnno....LOL...I have s often thought of how ironic it is that people will put up with years
of horrible treatment (not necessarily meaning y ou) from an alcoholic....and, yet.....tremble at the thought of walking into a room full of understanding, compassionate others who have been in the same boat....and want only to offer love and solace....
Humans are funny.....
dandylion
of horrible treatment (not necessarily meaning y ou) from an alcoholic....and, yet.....tremble at the thought of walking into a room full of understanding, compassionate others who have been in the same boat....and want only to offer love and solace....
Humans are funny.....
dandylion
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