Sitting in A&E with AM

Old 04-01-2015, 01:44 AM
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Have you visited our Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholics forum? It's just a few spaces down in the main forum listing. There are many of us who are dealing with an alcoholic parent or two, and we will be happy to offer our unique perspective (only us ACoA can truly understand what it's like!). You don't have to do anything. You aren't obligated to sit by and watch her destroy herself. My AM has had many health scares (several broken bones, possible heart attacks, learning how to walk again) and isn't slowing down. Sometimes they just don't want to stop. I stopped talking to my mother completely almost three years ago. While it works for me, it's not for everyone. But just know that you are under no obligation to do anything for her if she's bent on drinking. You are not her caretaker. It's so hard to let them go, but they're adults who can figure things out on their own.

I apologize if I'm not making much sense. I'm in the hospital with bleeding from my rear too, but I have a chronic medical condition to blame for it. I'm on a PCA pump, so my posts might not be the most sensical things you'll see tonight. Lol. Welcome aboard, and don't hesitate to ask questions around here. The people on SR are wonderful.
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Old 04-01-2015, 03:28 AM
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Many thanks again for all responses I feel a great deal been lifted just being able to talk to people who understand what it's like.

Seren - my mother is only 54 years old, not old at all and the nurses and doctors in the hospital can see she can take care of herself but she's just not willing too. I'm not sure how care works in the UK as this is the first time ever I've had to deal with one of my parents being admitted to hospital! I feel so lost in all of this.

NWGRIT - thank you so much for your advice, I took a look at ACOA forum and have started reading the threads. I totally understand that I'm not responsible or my mothers caretaker but the guilt I feel for my dad is killing me at the mo my heads all over the place and I feel like I can make no sense of anything. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in 4 months time as see what the situations like then!
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Old 04-01-2015, 04:43 AM
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Ah yes, guilt. It's a learned behavior and can be unlearned. Your father is also an adult. But we are groomed young to take on the guilt for everything that ever happens to them, whether we caused it or not (and guess what? We didn't cause, can't control, and can't cure alcoholism or another's codependency!). It doesn't happen overnight, but we can break free from the FOG - Fear, Obligation, and Guilt.
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Old 04-02-2015, 02:18 AM
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Thank you Grits, your so right in everything you say, I didn't cause it, I can't control it nor can I cure it and that goes for both my AM and father, he is a grown man and like me and my mother, responsible for himself and his own actions! He doesn't need to keep enabling her but he chooses to, even after telling him over and over he still does so I'm taking the decision not to tell him anymore and just concentrate on me and my partner as I've been neglecting him when he should come first on my priority list! Why am I letting my AM control my thoughts and feelings when mines doesn't give a dam to her??

I slept the best I've slept all week last night and I think it's because I just got in with my own thing yesterday, I went to work, got home made tea for me and my partner then done a lovely set of nails for my friend, my mind was kept so busy that I had no time to think about AM! Woke up this morning feeling a little anxious but I have done since Xmas but again I'm getting on with it and reading so much in here which is helping me loads.

Hugs and thanks to all
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Old 04-02-2015, 08:42 AM
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Feebell, I feel like we are living parallel stories, AM mom in denial and enabler "to a fault" father. I do much better when I focus on my own life, as well. However, my parents are coming to my home for Easter, wheel chair in tow, and I am feeling anxious as hell. I needed the reminder in your post that my parents have little to no concern on how this is affecting me or my family. So, thanks!
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Old 04-27-2015, 06:38 AM
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Hi

Just wanted to give an update on me and my AM.

AM was kept in hospital for 1 week, she had severe ulcers in her bowel which they operated on to remove. Whilst in they also detoxed her. She has been sober now for 30 days and has attended 2 appointments at her recovery hub which she wanted to go to herself and is in the process of staring a program. She has also been in contact with the detox nurse which has given her the option to go on to anti-abuse which is a tablet she will be given 3 times a week by the chemist and if she consumes any type of alcohol whilst on this it will make her violently sick. Has anyone here had experienced with there A on anti-abuse??

She is doing well and taking it one day at a time, I'm happy that she seems to want to overcome this at the moment, however, she seems a little away with the fairies at times, I'm guessing this is a result of alcohol abuse?? To give an example her lying still seems to be in high function mode, she makes the most ridiculous things up!

I'm doing well, although I feel this real resentment towards my mum, although she's sober for the time being I have no real desire to be around her at all, which makes me sad as we use to be real close. I feel I've lost my "mum" 😢 is this normal?? I'm getting on with my life and enjoying things again and not worrying about her at all now.
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Old 04-27-2015, 07:50 AM
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I am glad they figured out her issue and that she got/is getting treatment.

The thing about substance abuse is that so many times it is self treating what can be a serious personality disorder. That may be what you are seeing. For many, they think that when their qualifier stops abusing they will get better. So many times it just unmasks the true problem.

It's absolutely ok for you to step back and take care of yourself too. You know the saying about being in the airplane, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first if you are to be any help to those around you.

Hugs to you. Thank you for the update. We are here for you always!!!!
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Old 04-28-2015, 05:21 AM
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Many thanks for your response Hopeful4. I do genuinely believe there is an underlying issue with my mums mental health and that Alcohol has just masked this for so long. I keep everything crossed that she wants to move forward and dig deep to get her problems/illness repaired once and for all. I'm not putting all my hopes on this as I have read so many times that relapse does surface, but taking it each day at a time. The goal is to get through today!

I know it's ok not to want to spend to much time with my mum anymore as she has left me with scars, but just needed someone to say it, so I thank you for telling me :0)

Xx
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