Feeling So much anger
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Feeling So much anger
I think I am about to explode with anger and I don't know how to overcome it.
One month before I married my stbxah he hit me causing me to have to have 4 teeth removed due to the damage one was saved with a crown. He was drunk. Because of what happened afterwards I didn't process it and when this was over a few days later I still didn't process it as he needed looking after, I think this was when I started ignoring my own feelings and focusing on making him better. Anyway I had to be fitted with a plate with 4 false teeth right at the front of my mouth, I was 21. I've had this plate all these years and it no longer fits and it looks horrible but I never went to the dentist to have another one made, didn't want to deal with it I suppose. I stopped going to the dentist.
The first time I dealt with what happened that day was in counselling a few months ago we did a walk through of what happened that day and actually focused on how the memories made me feel. I had shut out my emotions for so long I didn't know how I felt that day so we focused on how the memories made me feel and processing these. This was a very difficult time for me and still is and I think now the anger about the incidnet is coming out.
Recently the plate keeps breaking and I have to keep getting it repaired, I've to take a day off work and have it sent away. It usually comes back that day but yesterday I was told it wouldn't be back until Monday afternoon. Il been without it all weekend and I can't leave my house but I have to go into work Monday morning without it, I'm the only manager in the building. I'm so angry that I have to go through this every time, that I can't afford to have a new one made, I am so embarrassed!
Every time I look in the mirror that's all I see I have false teeth and how I got them, I feel ugly when I look in the mirror. For years I pushed the memories out didn't want to deal, when he felt guilty about it I reassured him, didn't want him to feel more guilt.
Now I'm so angry I know this happened 18 yrs ago and I should just deal with it and move on. He never hit me again after that, just threw things about the house, smashed windows, then he managed this better after his first period of sobriety and just shouted a lot, stormed out slammed doors. I suppose I was lucky so why can't I let this anger go why am I over reacting now???
One month before I married my stbxah he hit me causing me to have to have 4 teeth removed due to the damage one was saved with a crown. He was drunk. Because of what happened afterwards I didn't process it and when this was over a few days later I still didn't process it as he needed looking after, I think this was when I started ignoring my own feelings and focusing on making him better. Anyway I had to be fitted with a plate with 4 false teeth right at the front of my mouth, I was 21. I've had this plate all these years and it no longer fits and it looks horrible but I never went to the dentist to have another one made, didn't want to deal with it I suppose. I stopped going to the dentist.
The first time I dealt with what happened that day was in counselling a few months ago we did a walk through of what happened that day and actually focused on how the memories made me feel. I had shut out my emotions for so long I didn't know how I felt that day so we focused on how the memories made me feel and processing these. This was a very difficult time for me and still is and I think now the anger about the incidnet is coming out.
Recently the plate keeps breaking and I have to keep getting it repaired, I've to take a day off work and have it sent away. It usually comes back that day but yesterday I was told it wouldn't be back until Monday afternoon. Il been without it all weekend and I can't leave my house but I have to go into work Monday morning without it, I'm the only manager in the building. I'm so angry that I have to go through this every time, that I can't afford to have a new one made, I am so embarrassed!
Every time I look in the mirror that's all I see I have false teeth and how I got them, I feel ugly when I look in the mirror. For years I pushed the memories out didn't want to deal, when he felt guilty about it I reassured him, didn't want him to feel more guilt.
Now I'm so angry I know this happened 18 yrs ago and I should just deal with it and move on. He never hit me again after that, just threw things about the house, smashed windows, then he managed this better after his first period of sobriety and just shouted a lot, stormed out slammed doors. I suppose I was lucky so why can't I let this anger go why am I over reacting now???
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 503
It is just a constant reminder of how you were wronged and how he got away with that. I think it is a perfectly valid response every time you have to deal with it. Can you afford to look into implants? You should never have to go through this again.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm so sorry, Butterfly. Can you call out sick on Monday?
When I had some complicated dental work done, several years ago (and yes, it involved implants), I went to the dental clinic at the local university's dental school. It was MUCH cheaper than going to a private dentist. Even if you can't afford implants, if there is a dental school nearby, you might get a break on getting a new plate made. The care I got was excellent--state of the art--there was even a group of visiting Chinese dental students who observed the work being done!
Hugs, you'll have your smile back soon.
When I had some complicated dental work done, several years ago (and yes, it involved implants), I went to the dental clinic at the local university's dental school. It was MUCH cheaper than going to a private dentist. Even if you can't afford implants, if there is a dental school nearby, you might get a break on getting a new plate made. The care I got was excellent--state of the art--there was even a group of visiting Chinese dental students who observed the work being done!
Hugs, you'll have your smile back soon.
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
I wish I could phone in sick, I'm the only manager in for the teams I cant and I don't think my manager will be happy il have to wear a scarf round my mouth. No one knows, people think I was assaulted on a night out, my kids think that I didn't look after my teeth.
The secrets we keep!!
The secrets we keep!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 314
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I think you have every right to still be upset and angry. Is your partner remorseful/understand the upset you are feeling?
I know the teeth aren't really the point here but I know some dentists offer interest free payment plans, where you can pay back little bits over time.
I know the teeth aren't really the point here but I know some dentists offer interest free payment plans, where you can pay back little bits over time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
(((((((((((Butterfly))))))))))))
I don't know how to respond, just know that I needed to. I am so sorry for what you are going through right now.
I think it is times like this that really bring our focus onto what we lived through. I am so angry that he did that to you. I am also so angry that you had to deal with that everyday for 18 years.
I do know the feelings that you are going through. I walk around with a scar under my left eye. I also have a fake tooth, because I used to grind my teeth because of my anxiety while I was married. I pushed it one of my front teeth straight out. My ex told me I looked like bugs bunny. I did have that fixed.
I think at times, mostly everyday, we see this, or we are aware of this, but for some reason, we keep trying to bury it. We just don't really want to see the things we put up with, but it's there everyday.
Every time I brush my teeth, I remember. Every time I look at my face, I remember.
Just know that you are not alone.
It was just recently that you realized that he was abusive to you. It's like this caused an overwhelming experience for you. It's like things are flooding back to you so quickly, and it's hard to deal with.
Just know that we are all here for you, and anytime you need to talk, or vent, we are here for you.
You are a beautiful, loving person.
Suggestion for Monday, say you have a sore throat, don't talk too much, then go and get your teeth Monday afternoon.
We'll help you figure out the rest later.
I don't know if this was helpful or not. Just really wanted to reach out to you.
((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))
amy
I don't know how to respond, just know that I needed to. I am so sorry for what you are going through right now.
I think it is times like this that really bring our focus onto what we lived through. I am so angry that he did that to you. I am also so angry that you had to deal with that everyday for 18 years.
I do know the feelings that you are going through. I walk around with a scar under my left eye. I also have a fake tooth, because I used to grind my teeth because of my anxiety while I was married. I pushed it one of my front teeth straight out. My ex told me I looked like bugs bunny. I did have that fixed.
I think at times, mostly everyday, we see this, or we are aware of this, but for some reason, we keep trying to bury it. We just don't really want to see the things we put up with, but it's there everyday.
Every time I brush my teeth, I remember. Every time I look at my face, I remember.
Just know that you are not alone.
It was just recently that you realized that he was abusive to you. It's like this caused an overwhelming experience for you. It's like things are flooding back to you so quickly, and it's hard to deal with.
Just know that we are all here for you, and anytime you need to talk, or vent, we are here for you.
You are a beautiful, loving person.
Suggestion for Monday, say you have a sore throat, don't talk too much, then go and get your teeth Monday afternoon.
We'll help you figure out the rest later.
I don't know if this was helpful or not. Just really wanted to reach out to you.
((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
Originally Posted by Butterfly 
I wish I could phone in sick, I'm the only manager in for the teams I cant and I don't think my manager will be happy il have to wear a scarf round my mouth. No one knows, people think I was assaulted on a night out, my kids think that I didn't look after my teeth.
The secrets we keep!!
The secrets we keep!!
But one thing I REALLY want to say to you is...please please put yourself first Monday...
Will the company fold if you were off sick?
Of course not.....no one is indespensible for a day or two and I say this with much kindness and support. They really WILL cope without you for a day.
For years I put my work first......but just occasionally you/me/ us need to put us first and foremost.
Take care. Strength and hope heading your way.
Take care of You and the rest will follow......give it to your HP and somehow it will all work out ok....and jeepers I wish I could take some of my own advice lol...as I too am upset and feeling angry tonight.
Thank goodness for SR...
All the best Phiz
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Maybear we are not together anymore and I never discussed the incident or feelings with him I didn't want him to feel guilty!
Thank you amy & Phiz I have to go into work I don't work for a company I work with vulnerable children there has to be a senior in the building to make decisions. I will cover my mouth with a scarf and say I've an abcess and my mouth is swollen.
Thank you amy & Phiz I have to go into work I don't work for a company I work with vulnerable children there has to be a senior in the building to make decisions. I will cover my mouth with a scarf and say I've an abcess and my mouth is swollen.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 112
I don't know if this is possible but I would ask your lawyer if he can be made to help with the cost, if not the whole amount. in your divorce agreement.
I am sorry you had to endure such abuse. Life has so much better to offer us, if we just get through the hard part.
I am sorry you had to endure such abuse. Life has so much better to offer us, if we just get through the hard part.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'd definitely try to get some compensation for it in the divorce agreement. It is an expense of your relationship. Talk to your solicitor about it. I think it would be more than reasonable to ask for.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I am so very sorry this happened to you.
Its not uncommon here for people to wear surgical masks in public. My mom will wear one sometimes (she is on chemo). You could certainly wear one and say you have your tooth issues or access or whatever.
AND I would ask for 12k pound in the divorce for him knocking those teeth out and write that on the petition.
He is some kind of something. I am so glad you are free(or close enough) of this abuser.
Its not uncommon here for people to wear surgical masks in public. My mom will wear one sometimes (she is on chemo). You could certainly wear one and say you have your tooth issues or access or whatever.
AND I would ask for 12k pound in the divorce for him knocking those teeth out and write that on the petition.
He is some kind of something. I am so glad you are free(or close enough) of this abuser.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Sorry Butterfly. Eventually you will have to tell your children the truth. There is no reason that they need to think. that you don't take care of yourself because your selfish A did this to you. Secrets are terrible things, and can put tremendous stress on you in your life. When you ready, stop protecting the Bully!!
I would also say that you your throat hurt and not much talking. Hugs my friend!!!
I would also say that you your throat hurt and not much talking. Hugs my friend!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I'm also going to go along with seeking compensation. But to tell you the truth, I turned into a real b!tch during the divorce. I threatened a "Tevis case", which means a marital tort. Don't know how things work in UK. With the marital tort it would have been a separate issue from the divorce, but filed at the same time.
My ex didn't want to go through that because that most likely would have been done with a jury. I got $5000. for my scar. Probably not enough to repair the damage, but scared him enough to give in on other things.
I think you were already talking about filing with stating his egregious behaviors. Think about this, and please talk to your lawyer.
amy
My ex didn't want to go through that because that most likely would have been done with a jury. I got $5000. for my scar. Probably not enough to repair the damage, but scared him enough to give in on other things.
I think you were already talking about filing with stating his egregious behaviors. Think about this, and please talk to your lawyer.
amy
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