Work vent part II, got real with the bosses wife
 

the whole story is too long, so I'll give you the cliff notes. I made an awesome dessert special today. The staff loved it, bosses wife (co owner) loved it and by the end of the night I'd sold a crap load and the customers loved it.

But before that, Boss man has been walking around for days looking like someone stole his Christmas puppy. Today he was extra droopy. Barely looks up when I say "good afternoon" when I walk in the kitchen. That's nothing new as he really dislikes me. I made some mini cream puffs, without getting detailed I'll just say that they can be touchy and may not do what you want for various reasons. Mine were a bit moist in the middle and need literally 3 min more in the oven. Boss man see this and flips. Starts screaming his head off calls them sh&@ and starts throwing my sheet pan. He's very close to me now so I can smell the booze and see the sweat pouring off of his face. The whole staff stops what they are doing and are frozen.

This is far from the first drunken tantrum we've seen. So I go into detach mode and walk away. When I return he's gone. I start making another batch of puffs. The place is dead silent and tense. Some of the servers come in the kitchen and hug me and say "why always you?"
Personally he has no respect for women and I'm the only woman in the kitchen, so that's part of it.

Later boss wife comes in the kitchen and nudges me and says "don't take it personally. Some days he just can't keep his demons under control and they get off the leash. He was yelling at me and was already mad, then he stared in on you and went back to yelling at me. You just kind of got sandwiched in. Just walk it off"
one of the other chefs chimed in , "why should WE walk it off?" There was no answer to that. So I said "K, he's been drinking. You can smell it. Every time he acts like this he's tanked. He's got to get help. You know that." She just nodded and admitted its been rough for her lately, but he's got this whole "macho, Italian guy thing going on." Don't ya love the cultural excuse? Our handy man Sean likes to play the Irish card. My dad was just a good ol boy who loved his bourbon. Please. But I digress.

I said to her " I'm tired of being the sacrificial lamb around here! He doesn't talk to anybody in the kitchen like he talks to me." She says its just because I'm the first here and so I get first sucker punch. Well, I'm done. Have been for awhile but this just put the cherry on the cake. To top it off, he comes back later and with a bag of puffs that he had a guy at one of his other restaurants (owns 5) make and starts yelling for me to get the vanilla ice cream. He makes a little ice cream sandwich with chocolate sauce grabs a bunch of spoons throws them on the table and yells at us "try this! You tell me what's good and what's sh@$& around here!" And storms out. He comes back to find not one person had eaten his puff. He says "nobody's going to try it? Pathetic!" And leaves. No one had the stomach. I just chucked it in the trash.

I work tomorrow and I'm off Sunday/Monday. I will spend every waking moment looking for a new job anywhere else doing anything. There are lots of hotels and I can probably get a house keeping job to hold me over until I find another restaurant. My friend has a food truck and I can do that even if it's only for the summer. I'm done, done, done! :wild

Oh, I'm so sorry you had to endure that. There is just no excuse for it. (((HUGS)))

Ducky, this is unacceptable at every level. Are there no laws about workplace bullying? If there are, and you can get someone to film him, maybe you can get a decent payout.

I know what you mean about the puffs. You have to make allowances every time you use another oven.

Hey, FG!

I was going to look into it. There is such a thing as creating a hostile work environment. His drinking certainly is that. The kitchen dynamic is tough. There are 3 Americans, and the rest are guys from South America who wouldn't turn on the boss for love nor money. They're all nice men, but filming or even telling the truth would be not only a betrayal, but many aren't legal and they live under the radar. 2 have worked with him since they were teen dishwashers and they're now in their mid 30's. He's like a father to them.

Me and the other 2 Americans are trying to leave asap. The boss even yelled during one of his rants when he fired a guy who lasted 3 weeks that he was sick of "spoiled americans"
This guy didn't know or care about not engaging a drunk and wasn't taking any crap.

I think because he's an immigrant himself, he feels more of a kin ship to these guys. He yells at one of them and they get teary eyed and he apologizes. I don't cry easy. Maybe he's trying to break me? That would be a bad idea. I just have to get out.

Good luck with the job hunt! He sound like one incredibly difficult person to even be around let alone work for.

And I have heard that choux pastry is fiddly, n'est pas?

What an Ahole. No one should be subjected to this good for you get outta there!!!

What a Dickwad! I hope you find something quick... You sound very talented!!

Life is too short. I just recently figured out that accepting abuse is self abuse. You sound very talented and the restaurant business usually always has openings. (I remember in college my friends who got hospitality degrees were told that they were almost guaranteed to always have a job.) I would move on without batting an eyelash if I were you!

Yup, look for that new job. Have you worked long enough to qualify for unemployment? It sounds to me like you've got plenty of witnesses that you'd have left this one for "good cause."

I don't think you can collect unemployment if you leave on your own accord, right Lexie? At least in my state. It's a "free will" state.

In most states, to my knowledge, you can collect if you left the job for "good cause." That doesn't mean you just didn't like the job or the normal working conditions. It means there was something intolerable that a reasonable employee could not be expected to endure. If the boss was just grumpy or demanding or unreasonable, that probably wouldn't be enough to qualify. Most of us have had bosses like that. THIS boss screams and berates while DRUNK, and intentionally humiliates, name-calls, etc. There also seems to be elements of discrimination, if he routinely treats female employees that way. Here's a quote from Nolo's unemployment web page:You can google the unemployment for your own state to find out what the standard is there.

Oh ok. I meant "at will" state. It would take a whole lot of good lawyers to make a case here in my state.

"At will" usually refers to the right of an employer to terminate an employee. Even when your employment is "at will," termination (as opposed to quitting) will usually result in being qualified for UI benefits, unless you were terminated for misconduct or some kind. You might not have any cause of action against your employer for letting you go, but you would still be eligible for UI benefits.

Again, laws vary from state to state, but I believe this is pretty standard.

Oh That's right! It's the employer that can terminate without cause that I'm thinking about. And then one can definitely get unemployment then (if they've been there long enough).

Duckygirl, He's and @ss pimple.

You're going to be fine. You're smart, and determined, and talented, so I have little worries that you're going to land on your feet. But, I so want to see you find a job that you love. I adore food, and the thought of someone with your talents not being in the kitchen breaks my heart.

I'm going to keep my fingers crossed, and light a candle, and say a few prayers, and chants, and anything else to get you out of that hell hole and into a better job asap. I may light a few candles and say a few prayers for the wife as well that she stop trying to clean up his messes and move on with her life.

Personally I'd look into an EEOC complaint. At will or not, there are federal guidelines for protection. You stated you were the only female in there. There is your start for cause.

Hostile workplace does not have to be a result of sexual advances etc. Gender discrimination is what its about.

He's not going to change. Time to move on! I left a job with a toxic boss about a year ago and have been so much happier and less stressed. Good luck! I'm sure you'll find something pretty quickly.