Hawkeye13

Katchie;

I'm in awe of you.

Next time I'm in Oklahoma, wanna have lunch?

freetosmile

Ahhhh! What a jerkwad!!!!!!!!!!

That's all I can say right now katch, I'm mad for you! I know you're not, but damn... This guy had the world and he's just throwing it away.

Katchie

Would love to!!

pinkpeony

I can totally relate to this! Like all of the horrible-ness isn't enough and we have to look for more "proof" that we should leave. Ugh.

I'm sorry if this hurt you, another betrayal, more lies.
Reminds me so much of my husband, they are SO good at playing the game and telling us what they think we want to hear, such liars and manipulators.

Let the other women have them, good luck to them, I actually feel sorry for them.

Just disgusts me.

((hugs))

As far as the maiden name, I was divorced 22 years ago and had little kids, but I wasn't Mrs. So and So anymore, I wasn't his anymore, so I changed back to my maiden name.
I will again change back to my maiden name. I'm not his anymore, I'm mine.

dandylion

Katchie....It makes me wonder if he wasn't cavorting at the same time he was doing your all's morning bible readings and meetings with his church men's groups.
If so...that seems very hypocritical......

dandylion

LexieCat

Heh, I have sort of an bizarre story about names. I got married before I started law school. So I was licensed under that name and practiced using it for a very long time. When I got divorced, I kept it, but when I married my second husband I went through the whole drill of changing EVERYTHING--every place I was licensed to practice (including various federal jurisdictions).

The second marriage lasted about 10 minutes (actually, we got married in May, in July I moved across the country where he had been living and working at a new job, and I moved out around February). When I got divorced, I had a dilemma. Go back to the name I'd been practicing under (first husband's) all those years? He had remarried so that seemed weird. Change to a THIRD name (maiden name) within a few months of changing to the second? THAT seemed weird, too, like I had multiple personality disorder.

So I went with the path of least resistance and kept the second husband's name. It sounded better with my first name, was easier to spell, and it just seemed less likely to raise eyebrows. Heh, I remember once during our divorce (I handled it myself) he said he would agree to sign the papers if I agreed to stop using his name. It was one of the few times I exploded. I said, "FYI, under the law I can call myself ANYTHING I want to. Sign, don't sign, makes no difference to me, this is going through no matter what you do." He signed.

All these years later I still have his name. It's fine. Not a big deal. I will probably never marry again so there is little likelihood it will ever be an issue again. If I ever DO get married again I'll probably switch to my maiden name. Maybe. Cross that bridge when I come to it.

Katchie

I'm thinking the gal here in town he was with before rehab may be a stripper because.of what she said and how she said it. I'm sure it was all becaise.I made him so lonely. Lol

freetosmile

Love ya katchie

searching peace

I admire your courage and the way you are handling all of this! You are very strong!!!!

Catherine628

The way you are handling this is amazing. I was so angry when I found similar communications b/w my ex and other women. My experience is classy women don't engage with married alcoholics.

I'm probably going to keep my married name so it will be the same as the kids. It's a common enough name that it doesn't bother me right now.

FindingMe2

I too admire your grace and dignity as you walk this path.

Time and time again, it appears to me that most A's either cheat or have a back up enabler on stand by.

knowthetriggers

Katchie.....you rock! I cannot say what I thiNk of him, well maybe in a private mail

cookiesncream

Your husband is a narcissistic jerk and alcohol was merely the icing on the cake. He can be sober for eternity but he'll still be a jerk. I'm steaming reading this. I hope you take him to the cleaners in this divorce. I had a rather dim view of my own outpatient rehab experience and your husbands just reinforces my idea that many are a complete waste of the insurance companies money. I'm sure that many are good but its the people that are truly committed to sobriety and change that make the difference, not the program itself.

I'm sorry for all the crap you're going through. Again, your husband is quite the piece of work. ((hugs))

Katchie

Im still ok with this today. My boys had 3 AAU ball games yesterday. I knew I would probably see him. I've made my mind up that if things can be done/be on good terms then I will make sure they are to the best of my ability for my sons. So there was a little small talk, he wanted to take my hand as a hello gesture (it felt really gross), then he moved down to sit near, but not next, to me. I was able to to enjoy the game and keep my distance emotionally. I noticed that during the 3rd game (noticed via itunes) that he had a short chat with his stripper...yes, I'm positive now she is a stripper. She only like to meet men at the club about 3x before she considers meeting them elsewhere.

Yes, I will take him off my itunes account when the divorce is final. Until then Ill keep him there in the event I need that info -- just keeping it in my back pocket!

Yesterday late afternoon he attempted to call and chat using one of my sons as a reason to call me. It was bogus. I kept it short and when he tried to go off topic I pulled it back to our son, resolved the bogus question he had and I was able to say goodbye fairly quickly. DBLDragon talked about being "indifferent" and that its the opposite of love. I can say that's probably about right regarding where I'm at and how I feel about all of this.

I went out with some of my CR girlfriends last night and had a milk and cookies evening. It's so nice to be surrounded by people who "get it".