Hello need advice and ideas and anything
 

Hello I'm new here and at a loss my partner is a recovering alcoholic he's just three weeks clean this time has been in rehab twice before but that was in our early days of dating each other I held back through those times and saw once out and clean till the next time he fell off the wagon this time he's begged for my help so I did the full detox with him such I'm sure you all know isn't for the faint hearted . I'm a mam of two lovely children wich are my absolute world but so is my partner we usually live separate he has his place I have mine as I won't allow him near my children or me when he is drinking but since the detox he's stayed with me every day and night now I'm gonna sound so selfish I'm finding it so hard keeping everyone happy him getting to all the appointments and meetings running the house my part time job and the children's needs he wants to be with me 24 _7 does this sound familiar?it's exhausting or maybe I'm used to my own space he is doing so well I'm really proud of him his mind set is so different to other times he has come off drink he knows it's last chance for us I love him so much I honestly do or I guess I wound be going through this I just feel so lost any advice is most welcome or am I going through what any partner of an alcoholic goes through

Hi and welcome to the forum. It sounds as if your world is spinning way too fast. The best thing you can do is start putting some rules in place. You have yourself and the kids to care for as well. He needs to understand you can't be and do everything for him. He needs to step up and help out. You aren't alone. A lot of people have been where you are and have had to do similar things. It is fine and healthy to put boundaries in place.

Hi there, and welcome!

"Rules" don't work well for adults. We can't control what other adults do. What we CAN do, though, is to make some good, healthy boundaries for ourselves.

Boundaries may SOUND like rules, but they are actually very different. A "rule" is "You are responsible for clearing the table and running the dishwasher." A BOUNDARY is "I know he's capable of clearing the table and running the dishwasher, so I'm not doing it any more." Another boundary would be to say that you don't have time to drive him to his meetings, so he will have to ask for a ride from people there. That's very common in AA groups, and usually other people are happy to give someone a ride. He can also figure out how to get to his appointments.

The thing is, he's an adult and he is the one responsible for managing his recovery. You can't do that for him.

Your kids (and yourself) need to be your first priority. Have you been to Al-Anon? I know that seems like one more "task," but it's something you can do for yourself. Some locations have AA meetings and Al-Anon meetings at the same time. I found Al-Anon to be a real lifesaver for me when I was in my relationships with alcoholics.

No I haven't been to a group because in the UK in the town I'm from there isn't much help at all for the families but you're right I do need boundaries I guess I've just been walking on eggshells

Welcome to SR Struggling!

I'd request some space. Send him to his place for a break!

Without any meetings close, I'd recommend the Melody Beattie book, Codependent No More.

Hello, strugglinghelp--glad you found us here at SR. As others have already said, it sounds like you have waaaay too much on your plate right now, and an awful lot of it isn't yours to deal with to begin with. Here are some links you might find helpful:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html This is some general info that is good to bear in mind.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html This will help you learn how to set good boundaries.

http://www.al-anon.org/gso-uk-eire/4...tional-service This is the link for Alanon in the UK, not sure if you've already checked it. There are also online and phone meetings: http://www.al-anon.org/electronic-meetings And of course we are always here at SR for you.

Wishing you strength and clarity, struggling.