Having an anxiety attack because he did it..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
Having an anxiety attack because he did it..
He tested my weak spots. And it worked. We have been NO CONTACT for a week now, and he texted me a link to a song called "until my dying day" by Brandi Carlile last night. Not expecting it, I listened to the song and bawled like a little baby for about an hour. It was so hard..almost felt like he was admitting he had a problem and everything would one day be OK.
Anyway, I broke down and texted back "I love you so much. Goodnight."
This morning he has been texting me quite frequently. I am not used to this. I am not sure how to feel. HE DID IT. He got to me...I was doing so well!
He's said things like I love you, miss you, hope you have a wonderful day. He even went as far as saying "you could come over" and I responded with I wish we could hang out..
Now I'm left, freaking out. Even got on his social media and saw he has been talking to another girl.. WHY WOULD HE DO THIS?
Anyway, I broke down and texted back "I love you so much. Goodnight."
This morning he has been texting me quite frequently. I am not used to this. I am not sure how to feel. HE DID IT. He got to me...I was doing so well!
He's said things like I love you, miss you, hope you have a wonderful day. He even went as far as saying "you could come over" and I responded with I wish we could hang out..
Now I'm left, freaking out. Even got on his social media and saw he has been talking to another girl.. WHY WOULD HE DO THIS?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
He did it b/c he can. B/c he wanted to see how you'd respond, if he could hook you back in. And he did.
What good could come of this? It is manipulation, pure and simple. You slipped, you fell for it. You're not the first to get sucked back in. That doesn't mean you can't go back to NC. In fact, if anything, it means you SHOULD go back to NC.
You don't have to give him all the power. Take it back for yourself! STOP replying, STOP checking his FB, STOP texting. YOU are in charge here.
What good could come of this? It is manipulation, pure and simple. You slipped, you fell for it. You're not the first to get sucked back in. That doesn't mean you can't go back to NC. In fact, if anything, it means you SHOULD go back to NC.
You don't have to give him all the power. Take it back for yourself! STOP replying, STOP checking his FB, STOP texting. YOU are in charge here.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You haven't blocked him, so he's entitled to call you, text you, send you whatever nonsense he wants to. If you don't want to hear it, block him. It's up to YOU to decide what you want to allow.
He admitted nothing, he sent you a link to a romantic song. Period. Don't read more into it than it is.
He admitted nothing, he sent you a link to a romantic song. Period. Don't read more into it than it is.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
He's doing this because this is what people like him do. They want as many people hooked into them as they can get.
This will only start to get better when you stop looking to the person who hurt you to be the one to heal you. Only YOU can heal you.
This will only start to get better when you stop looking to the person who hurt you to be the one to heal you. Only YOU can heal you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Awww, come on, RedDog! You have been reading this forum long enough to realize how cheap talk is. You know, by now, how manipulative and self-centered alcoholics are.
Actions..over a long period of time..are the only things that count...
So, he hit below the belt--and you faltered...but, do not let this be a reason not to GET BACK ONTO THE HORSE!
This is the time to put your head in charge...not your "heart"...Your heart cannot be trusted, right now. Your heart will lead y ou into trouble.
Make a list of the worst things in the relationship and read it over and over and over.
(No more mushy love songs)--they are designed to tap into your sad emotions.
dandylion
Actions..over a long period of time..are the only things that count...
So, he hit below the belt--and you faltered...but, do not let this be a reason not to GET BACK ONTO THE HORSE!
This is the time to put your head in charge...not your "heart"...Your heart cannot be trusted, right now. Your heart will lead y ou into trouble.
Make a list of the worst things in the relationship and read it over and over and over.
(No more mushy love songs)--they are designed to tap into your sad emotions.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
So what miracle has transpired in the past week for you to believe everything is all better?
talk is cheap, his words are meaningless.
Around here we pay attention to actions.
There truly is no need to freak out, the sky is not falling. It is perfectly normal to feel sad after a break-up, lots of emotional turmoil.
You touched the fire and it still burns, so what is next for RedDog? What would you like to happen next?
talk is cheap, his words are meaningless.
Around here we pay attention to actions.
There truly is no need to freak out, the sky is not falling. It is perfectly normal to feel sad after a break-up, lots of emotional turmoil.
You touched the fire and it still burns, so what is next for RedDog? What would you like to happen next?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
RedDog.....one afterthought....it was totally okay to have the deep cleansing cry...you will be grieving, of course. Probably very therapeutic.
The only not so good part was to get snared in the spider web....
dandylion
The only not so good part was to get snared in the spider web....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by RedDog735 
WHY WOULD HE DO THIS?
You know he is talking to other girls. Guess everyone was busy. I don't mean to sound offensive like you are last choice, but I think you have been strong enough with him that he knows his chances are slim. So the night ends, he is horny, crapped out and you are left. He spent some time and dug up a song that he knew just might work.
One think I had to do in process when my husband relapsed was really let it sink in that applying my thinking to his thinking did not compute. Active addicts don't think like normies.
Sorry this has upset you. There will come a day that he sends such nonsense and you just hit delete.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
I'm with Dandy here... Just because we slip up does not mean we have to keep making that choice. You can still choose something different. It does suck to feel all of that again. I know that all too well... Life can trigger these emotions, even if the ex isn't the one trying to do it. Don't be so hard on yourself for this, either, because you're human and you have a heart. ((hugs))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
Hey guys! Thank you for the kind words. I am doing OK. Staying busy and hanging with family&friends. I still think about him frequently, a little more than I should. I just wonder if he thinks about me the same. But I do KNOW that I am better off without him. Just realized it's been a month since we physically have seen each other. He hasn't said anything since I last posted. But I know he will try to again soon. I just have to be prepared to NOT respond. (Not quite ready to block yet.. I'm waiting on his blood work results.)
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
Hey Red, keep yourself protected from emotional nonsense, even if you are waiting on something as important as that. I had a very similar thing happen, and instead of getting answers, I got nothing but a BIG headache, LOTS of irrational codie behavior on my part, and pain, pain, pain! Looking back, knowing the results were NOT worth it! I hope you get what you are looking for Red...
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