eyeoftheholder

I'm doing so well
When I spend hours upon hours thinking of my exAB and having the usual breakdowns depression and tears it's because I'm thinking of him and not me!
I can't look at his FB as I drove him into blocking me on purpose and told him by text what I thought of him so he would block me I'm happy!
I couldn't block his drinking venue where they have live bands on and the photographer takes pictures and puts them on the website and takes them off him regularly as he did in the past when we were a couple he got quite popular and before he met me he was friendly but then suddenly felt very confident as I'm someone who lost 130 pounds by gastric bypass and made a massive effort to look good. I think it all went to his head and now he thinks he's gods gift although on the picture he looked miserable!
It is not possible to block venues on FB
I realised how dangerous it is to look there as I noticed he has some likes then some of them are girls and I'm like
Gggggrrrrr for some reason I get infuriated!
This is not normal and I'm going to stay away from the website of course being so obsessive about him was eating me up and unhealthy.

What if he got a new girlfriend to damage all smiley and happy on pictures.
Why are we so obsessed ?
Why can only alcoholics do this to us
Is it just anyone who knows how to play intermittent chicken with us.
Are we addicted to the push pull.
I noted my anxiety started up again when I met him.

Do we have obsessive personalitys ?
I can be socially concious at times plus have low self esteem so was vulnerable
I think I change obsessions
Shopping / food / slimming / reading
So now I want to be obsessed with me and love me and for that I think I have to detach from obsessing with material or a boyfriend and detach
and listen to Wayne Dyer and become my spiritual self
At one point I think I nearly got it but got confused as
1. I stopped using positive affirmations
2. Didn't realise I was suppose to detach and started letting people in
Instead of detaching then people kept hurting me!
Can anyone make any sense of this ?

I also noticed that if my exAB were ever to seek me out and I know it wouldn't happen as I intentionally told him by message that a few guys are already interested in taking me out as I wanted to upset him as he dumped me so now he knows he wouldn't stand a chance!
The addiction thing is a fight with your head heart and soul and as this guy has done relatively enough damage to me I know I would say No and my head would take over and say NO

I still feel live for this guy but I now know this is all illusion and he got me addicted and it feels he lives inside me where the pain is or pleasure feeling

I'm just going to obsess over me till he floats away lol

daydreamer0217

I blocked mine on fb too, he is a harley man, and he was posting pics of his bike and all the girls were begging him for a ride, and it infuriated me. so I deleted him. funny how I was so bugged by that. I am not like that now and it has only been a few weeks. now I could care less

eyeoftheholder

daydreamer mine had 2 very special expensive bikes too
His background on hia FB is of one of his bikes.
Grrrrrrrr they think they are invinsible
He drank that much he feels nothing emotionally or physically then walks away from anything stressful if hes sober.
I know the pain I have felt is not because I love him although I did think I did.
This pain is because he hurt me and doesnt deserve to be with me ever!

Besides today I listened to Wayne Dyer and Im starting to get it now, Jesus is certainly doing the jive in my soul today haha.

hopeful4

I think you can hide a venue by clicking "hide this on my timeline" or something of the sort. I am not positive, but I think so.

I blocked my X right away on FB and am so glad I did. It's been a year and he remains blocked now and will forever I imagine.

Hugs to you. Keep obsessing over YOU!!!!

fluffyflea

Part of it is low self esteem.

eyeoftheholder

Thankyou it really helps when people understand each other.
I'm understanding something new today after thinking he loved me and telling me this although he was probably or rather he was drunk!
You really do think your safe after all the love shown you don't expect to be abandoned yet when they do I think they do feel bad somehow but don't tell you!

They don't want you to know you are or were important to them as they think you might tell them what to do ( Their worst nightmare)
They escape you and t seems like they do it in such a carefree way as the alcohol is their other girlfriend the love of their lives.

We are too intense to them and we want too much from them like
We may ask for a hug but everything seems on their terms unless there is something to gain.
To me that is where the narcissism comes in.
I'm only glad I'm back on track listening to Dr Wayne Dyer's Divine love and now I've reconnected my spiritual self and have many many more meditations to come and much healing.
I had a dream last night about the guy I loved 20 years ago and I'd forgot about him and how much Id cared about him.
Due to the recent relationship with the exAB who honestly didn't deserve one second of my good thoughts and I've been saying I've been having breakdowns every single day.
First for ages it was that terrible painful anxiety in my stomach it wouldn't leave.
Then the hysterical crying daily that the alcoholic would especially stay away from as they do tend to get suicidal as my exAB told me he had at one time been addicted to painkillers and many times tried to kill himself my hoping to drink enough that he wouldn't wake up.

His poor poor daughter doesn't know any of what his life is like as he moved 200 miles away from his exes his kids and one of his exes even emigrated and took that child to live abroad with his permission.
This guy has probably lived a rum life most of that I probably know nothing about although I do understand the genetics to drink and to forget everything that's gone wrong in life and suffering depression and having negative thinking.

Most of us codies probably beat ourselves up but our negative thinking can be changed and we can re proggramme our thoughts and I'm concentrating on this and being very wary as I would like a healthy mate.

eyeoftheholder

Ps I will look on the lap top how to block that venue but to be honest it's so easy to unblock if I so wanted to then look at the pics
I decided it was so painful to my health and is it really worth another 10 hours of tears and esp if he was seen on pics with one girl esp well I would want to club the basket so it's just NOT healthy!
This is about me now looking after me and letting the past go.

NYCDoglvr

Because we're codependent. We become obsessed with alcoholics in the same way alcoholics crave booze. It's addiction. Have you tried Alanon? Read codependent no more?

LemonGirl

I can relate! I am reading codependent no more, and it is a great help!
For me, the obsessing isn't necessarily because of him being an alcoholic. IN fact, I think the obsessing is solely my own nonsense. But it did place me in the lap of a narcissist for nearly 7 years! That was different than my xabf. This time, I am actively seeking ways to ensure that I don't "fall apart" and that I move on no matter what he does. But I am struggling with the mind. My mind. It just races some days. I know my triggers now and I am still working to perfect those things that I can control. But sometimes the worry is overwhelming! Who the heck is this girl liking his pics and flirting with him? Ugh!! It IS infuriating! I think it is that way, for me, because he is NOT mine anymore. I let him go... And instead of taking that ball in my court and keeping it, he still has it. My heart is on the line here. If he doesn't recover, it is going to hurt! And right there is the point where I need to get back to myself. You are right for pouring your efforts into YOU as opposed to others... Keep going!


Okay... so he doesn't technically have my heart. I broke up with him. There is no relationship. But we are in contact. It is a difficult, and very fine line to walk, when we try to detach with love... to a place where we are well and healthy, but not throwing the person to the curb like a leper. Eventually, I may choose to go NC just so I can totally heal. I'll do that when I am ready. When I have had enough. But even then, the obsession goes on, doesn't it? I am actively trying to take control of myself.... of my mind.

maia1234

Eye- you are never going to move forward unless you take control of your life. You need to block him from FB and any other place that you feel you can find him.

You have an addiction, it his him. You will never get better unless you start working a program and conquer your addiction. That mean's going to alanon meetings or open AA meetings. Reading the alcoholism forum and educating yourself about addiction. He has moved forward, you need to also.

The amount of time and energy that you put towards thinking and crying about him, you can be helping yourself become free from grips of your X. Good luck and hugs!!

searching peace

Eye,
I think you sound like you are on the road to a healthy place. You know what will work to get you motivated to take care of you and you are doing that. Keep up the good work!