LexieCat

sp, here's the thing. Your not enforcing the order ENCOURAGES him to violate it. Why should he care about the order, if he can call you and harass you and badger you about guns he is legally barred from possessing?

Have your lawyer send him a letter giving him notice that from here on out, you WILL be enforcing the order, and ANY violations--even a phone call or a greeting card, will result in your calling the police.

A PFA order is only as good as your willingness to report violations. The whole point of the order is to stop him BEFORE he shows up on your doorstep muscling his way in. It is to give you peace from this relentless abusive behavior.

If you're feeling like enforcing it puts you in any danger, call your local shelter and talk to an advocate about the safest way to proceed. They are there to provide guidance and safety planning for people in your exact situation. Any trouble he has as a result of violating the order is a result of his violating the order, not your reporting it.

Abusers will test and test again to see what they can get away with. He will NOT stop until he sees that you mean business. And that means reporting violations.

My own suggestion would be to report these latest phone calls about the guns. It doesn't matter if you haven't reported previous violations. You don't waive any rights by not having reported earlier violations. And it is a COURT order, not a personal one. Even if you decided you didn't care about having contact any more, as long as that order is in place he is breaking the law when he violates it.

Do this safely, but do it. Call on an advocate for advice and support so you will be safe.

Hawkeye13

Lexie is right.

Hangnbyathread

This is what I based my response on. And yes the fact that he owned the guns prior to your marriage also shifts my response a bit. That wasn't evident in the earlier post.

I agree with Lexie. Call in resources that can help.

boomtruck

NO GUNS. I am an avid shooter and hunter, but your safety is at stake. Alcoholics are unpredictable. Guns and alcohol plus anger never go together. My ex kept asking for his weapons. I said no. Did sell some for support, still have some. If I would have turned them over he would have used them on himself, me, or our kids by now. Research DV. sadly too often the significant other kills. I stood firm that he would not receive any weapons until a judge ordered me to surrender them. His answer for "all I've done to him": lives in a mission so they cannot collect from him or find him easily. Two children to help and all he can focus on is revenge against me. All this after 30 years marriage. Life alone is great. I can make my own decisions, watch what I want, be peaceful and happy. Do not take violence lightly. It is not a fun thing to think about but I had good friends continue to stress this with me and I'm so glad I listened. Big hugs!

hopeful4

Nope, no gun.

Lexie, you are so full ok knowledge, I really admire all the work you have done in the past and the project you are working on now. Bravo! Keep us updated.

Tight hugs HBT. Stay safe!