I am just not ready to talk face to face
I am just not ready to talk face to face
Just to recap: my ex and I have parted ways now that he is sober, and after 16 months of me trying to get him sober, he is doing great, I guess. He has been sober now since Feb. 2nd. anyway, we live in different cities, and on Monday he heard I was in town ( not from me) and he called to have dinner and talk. and I thought about it and called him and told him I couldn't. He wants to meet up again today, he just called me. I am not trying to punish him, I am sure it is good intentions, he says he wants those that have been there for him to know how much he appreciates them. But... I can not do it. I just am not ready. but... i feel bad...
thank you, he seems so good right now, how is it that I am the one falling apart now? I have been the solid one, now that he is in recovery, I feel like i have fought a war. I am beat
Exactly - and I'm an alcoholic. I'd be willing to bet that he's not doing well. Didn't he always play that card in the past? I'm guessing he is really good at deception and denial, the alcoholic's stock in trade.
I hope you leave it alone for a while, at least until you've gained some footing. He may be trying to suck you back in, especially if you have helped him in the past.
If you want to see how recovered an alcoholic is, tell him "No." My guess is he will soon go on the attack.
I hope you leave it alone for a while, at least until you've gained some footing. He may be trying to suck you back in, especially if you have helped him in the past.
If you want to see how recovered an alcoholic is, tell him "No." My guess is he will soon go on the attack.
thank you, I have to get healthy too. I know this, and to get there, I have to say no when I know I need to. That has not been my past, I have always been there. ALWAYS. You hit the nail on the head. in fact, everyone else has turned their backs, and I stayed. I felt like I did the right thing. so when he got sober and dumped me, and went back to all the friends, i was dumbfounded. Then he told me, I should not have stayed, that he lost respect for me because I didn't leave. I could not believe it. But I understand it more now, I am shell shocked. and now he wants to see me, he sounded great, He seems like he is in a good place. he is going to meetings, he still doesnt have a sponsor though. He is in a home for homeless vets, they are helping him find housing and a job, he lost all those things this last year.
anyway, thank you
anyway, thank you
Everything will always be someone else's fault according to him.
Take care of yourself. Say no.
The other thing is he is likely looking for some physical contact, if you get what I mean. That would really mess with your head.
He is nowhere near being relationship material.
Hold your ground. You know what to do.
Take care of yourself. Say no.
The other thing is he is likely looking for some physical contact, if you get what I mean. That would really mess with your head.
He is nowhere near being relationship material.
Hold your ground. You know what to do.
Hi DD, of course you shouldn't go if you don't feel up to it.
Just wanted to say, now that he has some sober time he may genuinely want to make up for the past, and show you he's changed. But that's his agenda, and you don't have to go along with it. Sometimes there's too much water under the bridge.
Just wanted to say, now that he has some sober time he may genuinely want to make up for the past, and show you he's changed. But that's his agenda, and you don't have to go along with it. Sometimes there's too much water under the bridge.
I want him to be ok, I want him to be happy, feel rested, at peace. PTSD and alcoholism are cruel. They ravage you and everything around you. I love him, I want him to be good again. But the toll it has taken on me is astronomical. I have got to take care of me, I am a mom, I have to be ok. I do not have a choice, and right now just thinking about seeing him makes me hurt. But I do hope someday we can mend our friendship. Because I am 45 and I have known him since I was 6. I KNOW somewhere in him, there is a good guy.
And, if you do want a friendship with him in the future that is healthier, I bet you'll trust your intuition and you'll know when it's right. I think you are very aware of the situation on both sides here and you sound determined to do the right thing. Hugs to you, I know it's hard....sending you lots of support today.
Stick to you guns. If you're not ready, then you're not ready and there isn't a doggone thing wrong with that. My H is back from rehab and I in no way shape or form want to lay physical eyes on him and I don't feel one bit guilty for it. We've experienced some traumatic stuff living with our A's over the years -- heck yeah we may not be ready to sit with them and visit. That's ok. You do what is best for you!!
thanks all. It means a lot. We are all just trucking along in this life, hoping we are doing the right thing, hoping we are good people making good decisions. This whole thing has totally thrown me.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)