Breaking free from the prison of my own design
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Breaking free from the prison of my own design
Hi,
My husband and I were invited to a bash this weekend where folks will be drinking very heavily. Naturally he's looking forward to this and even asked me to get an overnight babysitter so we didn't have to leave before the party was over.
Although I've detached myself from the drinking inside my house over the course of the past 13 months I've been sober, I've spent the better part of the last year dutifully going to parties and activities where he and other folks drinks heavily.
I've thought that I should be a good sport. That just because I stopped drinking doesn't mean I stopped having fun. That my husband didn't necessarily enjoy when I drank. That I shouldn't ruin my husband's fun. That maybe if I lightened up and enjoyed my friends Id have fun.
That's a lot of negative self talk. For this weekend's festivities, I have a plan: I'm going to recommend that we take separate cars. In the past, that suggestion has resulted in excuses, complaints and alternate plans that I didn't like, such as "we can leave when you want to", proceeded by me having to force him to leave. Then he expects me to hang out with his drink @ss when we get home.
I finally have the sense deep in my bones that I deserve to be sober and happy, free to do as I please. I'm preparing myself to hold firm to my boundaries and leave when I am ready. I am going to do what I want afterwards - whether it's go shopping or to a movie or to a meeting or hang with friends or just relax at home.
I'm going to need some encouragement to stay strong! I figured this was the right place to come!
My husband and I were invited to a bash this weekend where folks will be drinking very heavily. Naturally he's looking forward to this and even asked me to get an overnight babysitter so we didn't have to leave before the party was over.
Although I've detached myself from the drinking inside my house over the course of the past 13 months I've been sober, I've spent the better part of the last year dutifully going to parties and activities where he and other folks drinks heavily.
I've thought that I should be a good sport. That just because I stopped drinking doesn't mean I stopped having fun. That my husband didn't necessarily enjoy when I drank. That I shouldn't ruin my husband's fun. That maybe if I lightened up and enjoyed my friends Id have fun.
That's a lot of negative self talk. For this weekend's festivities, I have a plan: I'm going to recommend that we take separate cars. In the past, that suggestion has resulted in excuses, complaints and alternate plans that I didn't like, such as "we can leave when you want to", proceeded by me having to force him to leave. Then he expects me to hang out with his drink @ss when we get home.
I finally have the sense deep in my bones that I deserve to be sober and happy, free to do as I please. I'm preparing myself to hold firm to my boundaries and leave when I am ready. I am going to do what I want afterwards - whether it's go shopping or to a movie or to a meeting or hang with friends or just relax at home.
I'm going to need some encouragement to stay strong! I figured this was the right place to come!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Toward the end of my relationship I would do the same thing. If it was a neighbors party, I would just leave, so I didn't have to negotiate an hour longer and what ever his drunk self said. I hated staying late night with a bunch of drunks, so I could get XAH home. What a total waste of my time. Not anymore!!
Good for you G- for empowering yourself not to put up with that crxap!!
Good for you G- for empowering yourself not to put up with that crxap!!
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