Katchie

I've let the cat out of the bag, or at least part of it. She apologized for not calling sooner saying she wanted to but it was hard for her given the situation and that she's an adult child of an alcoholic and prescription drug addict.
I told her I want to divorce. it was hard for her to hear and she encouraged me to wait and see what the Lord has done with him during rehab. I tried to tell her w/o coming straight out and saying he raped me that I can't share the marriage bed with him anymore. it's still his family and this part I don't feel they need to know. I told her I will forgive him but I can't go on in a marriage with him but hope for the boys sake he cleans up and stays clean.
it was a very emotional call. I love her and she was so sweet. I hate alcoholosm. I hate it.

Duckygirl1

I'm so sorry my dear. The Lord can certainly work miracles with them, but you don't have to stick around to see what that is. The suggestion that you stay to see what God has done with HIM only goes to show how backwards we have this. HIS change does not heal YOUR wounds. Again we reinforce the inherent self centeredness of addicts by suggesting that their recovery comes first, their thoughts come first and WE have to adjust to them. No, they have to adjust to us and if they can't then we must protect our lives, spirit and mental health and leave. No, addict was ever in danger from a loved one as much as we are from them.

If God has done a miracle your leaving will not negate it. I know a couple that divorced and remarried after 20 years, so who knows. But for now take all your love and give it to yourself. ((((Hugs))))

hopeful4

You owe it to yourself to do what you need to do to care for Katchie. I did not give all the sorrid details of my marriage to my sis in law either, but I told her that there were things that I did not feel the need to disclose that were just too much for me to heal from. She could read between the lines.

Tight, tight hugs.

Katchie

Thank you so much for your response. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I was solid on my position with her (I love her so muc) but I still felt some guilt While I talked with her that maybe I haven't tried hard enough though I know in my heart that's not true.
crying but thank you so much.

BlindBfour

Child of an alcoholic here and wife of an alcoholic. I also want as you for him to get better for the children. My husband went to rehab twice plus detoxed at home a few times. My husbands family really is not getting involved. They seem to think, actually I don't know what they think but it is real easy for them because I have to take care of my husband. Please know you are not alone, there are many of us out here.

LexieCat

I'm sure that was a very tough conversation for both of you. She really can't understand the entire situation, and I don't blame you for keeping the details to yourself.

I so admire your strength and plain good sense throughout this whole deal.

Big hugs!

Hawkeye13

Hugs.
You sound very clear and resolved--
it seems to me like you are honoring your heart and feelings

NYCDoglvr

Since she comes from an alcoholic family she certainly understands how terrible it can get. A big hug for having the conversation and you're right, she doesn't have to know specifics.

velma929

I don't think my in-laws ever knew the extent of my late husband's drinking.

They don't know he had two DUIs, or that he was fired from three jobs in a row. They don't know he was obsessed with bizarre, sick porn. (Actually, I think that's why he was fired from job #3) They don't know he was cheating on me.

Heck there's probably s--t I don't even know.