atalose

What about emotionally harming your children and yourself? Does that not count?

I think all your efforts should begin to go into you and your why’s rather than waste any more energy on him and his behaviors. Those are because he is an alcoholic and he’s doing what alcoholics do.

Why did you find yet another addict to love? Why do you NOT feel you deserve better then these type of men.

What hope do you really see in this man? His past history of divorce because of his alcoholism should be a pretty good indicator of his current and future history.

Even his best good day leaves you feeling alone, lonely and unhappy.

Refiner

Wow no rental agreement? Perfect!! Have your parents gat a real estate/property management company to take over the "lease arrangements" and tell him only your name is going on the lease and he needs to find another place to live. Geesh enough is enough! How tiresome to have such a disrespectful leach underfoot. Don't you feel used?

LexieCat

There would most likely still be an eviction process to go through (unless he leaves voluntarily), and I don't think she is ready to ask him to leave, yet.

Refiner

It sounds like Mrs D is getting closer to it, though. I just want to give her ideas on getting away from him using her and a rental agreement (along with the eviction process) would be a good start. And I'm not saying to get divorced buts legal separation at least to see if he can prove to her he can start providing. He needs to bring SOMETHING to the table.

Florence

Uh, no you don't. I had the same agreement with my XAH and parents. They owned the house we lived in, and my ex had no legal right to the property or to stay there. I paid for everything. I changed the locks on the doors after my final straw and he was out for good.

You actually don't have to stand for this. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. It's supposed to be mutually beneficial, and he's supposed to prop you up as much as you prop him up. You have the right to feel safe and secure in your own household and trust that your finances aren't being misappropriated to fuel someone else's addiction. Your children have the reasonable expectation that their parents are capable of caring for them, and won't drive drunk, won't be too drunk to handle emergencies, won't be too drunk to act appropriately. He gets away with it by blaming and shaming you and moving the goal posts, but you don't have to play the game.

If you haven't already, go see a lawyer to at least pursue what your options are should you get there. I saw a lawyer and didn't file for another year, because I wanted my XAH to have a chance to make it right. He didn't, I filed, and because of my preparation, I got literally everything I asked for in the divorce.

MrsD

I tried to quote atalose's line about "Even his best good day leaves you feeling alone" but this site doesn't seem too mobile phone friendly and I don't know what I'm doing anyway.

But yeah.

Going to bed alone again. What do you all think about keeping some kind of journal of my experiences.. to give to him one day when he finally finishes off the marriage? As in what it's like from a wife's perspective. The loneliness, the worry, the exhaustion, the frustration. Not that he'd ever care I guess. Just a thought.

I know he'll say "What did I do to you?"

Though I doubt he'll truly be interested in the answer.

Goodnight all.

firebolt

Im so sorry MrsD. I think writing a journal is a great idea for something to do for yourself! Not for him. I promise that unless hes well into recovery down the road, that it will do much more good for you to read than it will for him. ((((Hugs))) to you. I know how crappy it feels. Take care of yourself.

FeelingGreat

Hey MrsD, a journal is a great idea, even if he never sees it. It's also great to talk aloud to someone. It's how I solve a lot of my problems. Maybe a close relative or counsellor?

Hope you sleep well tonight.