Duckygirl1

I actually thought of him today and smiled. It wasn't a big cheese eating grin followed by a lol. Just a slight smile. I just remembered a time when we we both rushing out of the door to work. We started at the same time and both worked at different restaurants in walking distance from home. We dashed out the door a bit late, me in my chef coat, checked pants and hippy bandana, him in his managers shirt and tie. We stopped at the corner where he turned right and I turned left. I straightened his tie and he straightness my bandana. A quick kiss and off we went. A few steps and we both turned around at the same time and smiled at each other. It was just a small spontaneous gesture, but one that made me feel warm and connected. If only THAT guy had remained.

I found myself really, really wishing him well today. Better than well. Wishing him peace, joy, stability. I really hope that he remains sober and finds a really wonderful sober girl and has the family he always wanted. I found my anger draining away with tears. So now I'm off to the gym just work out. Not work off the anger or distract myself. Not to get the "revenge body". Just because I want to. I may not be dancing on the treadmill, but I won't be crying either.

Mountainmanbob

Since you are wishing for the very best for him,
sounds as if you are well on your way.
Mountainmanbob

hopeful4

I think it was the same for me. When I stopped being ate up with resentment and when I stopped doing anything but wishing he would be well and be a good father. That is when I knew all my hard work on me had paid off. That resentment was affecting three people, me and my daughters. Not the person I resented.

ajarlson

That is an interesting question in the subject. Mine was when I was about 26, I had been married 4 years to my XAH, we had 2 little girls and he would be out all night partying, I would stay awake until he got home, furious, sad, worried etc. We would fight then he would say he was leaving and I would say NO DON'T LEAVE so he would stay and we would fight some more and finally go to sleep. Exhausting. One night he got home and we started the cycle but when he said I'm leaving I felt this calm come over me and I said quietly, please do. He was shocked. I meant it, I wanted him to leave, I wanted it to be over. He left. He came back the next day and things were never the same. I stayed with him a long time after that, through him finding God, then rehab, but I never again felt that need to have him in my life. If he was doing what he should he could stay, if not, he knew I would throw him out. I wish him well now, even after that moment happened and I had to throw him out. It is a good feeling not to be eaten up by anxiety, worry, resentment, glad you're there.

NYCDoglvr

The biggest shift in thinking was when I understood the real problem: me. I picked a destructive alcoholic and decided to stay with him. I stopped feeling like a victim and stopped resenting him. Thank you Alanon!

readerbaby71

Beautifully written. Thank you for this post.

Jenibean87

Beautiful moment, and what a happy ending for you! Congratulations on coming so far!

For me? It was when I started filling my time with the things that I love: I signed up for yoga immersions, ballet classes, voice lessons. I took up running. I began to actively seek out activities to make friends friends for the first time since I moved across the country 18 months ago to be with him. When I started to build a happiness that was no longer dependent on his sobriety and whims, I no longer fell apart when he did.