johnno1

Thanks my heads been crazy lately thanks for your thoughts and real advice.

I had a nicer talk with him today, saying I'm concerned for our marriage because of our communication, ie him not really talking about any of our problems.

I used I feel, and stayed quite calm, I explained how it's like he is 2 personalities. He got very defensive saying so I'm real mean when I drink am I? ..??
He knows he's not that mean so could throw that in, he just talked about how I always talk about the negative and never the positive and I hold on to stuff....stuff as being shifty for him drinking. Why can't I just look at the good in him he thinks.

He really just meant I leave him alone and he leaves me alone and we all happy. The thing is he does leave me alone he hardly ever has a go at me or gives me grief, unless I provoc him when he's drinking.
I just tried to say when your drinking your not you, we come 2nd....he just kept getting defensive.
he works, I don't and I get most things I want for me and kids so I guess he thinks I give all that so just erase the negatives.

I'm so confused,. I was pretty happy I didn't get upset, I looked at the whole thing as he just has no idea, he totally thinks it all me

maybear

Sounds like he isn't ready to stop drinking. What do you think you will do from here in that case?

johnno1

I'm going to see a counsellor next week. Thanks after writing this post I realise he's in full denial, I guess that's obvious lol but now I get that Thank u

maybear

That's great, I might try counselling when I can as well.

knowthetriggers

Oh they love playing the blame game.

The sad truth is - even if he does stop drinking he can still be a "dry drunk" and still hold on to resentments and blame you for everything.

I hate this disease and what it does to our loved ones, and....to us!

Stay strong and good luck with your counselor!