OT -the calm before the storm
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
OT -the calm before the storm
Hi SR friends
As you know I've been separated for 8 years & just spent the last 11/2 years going through custody court settlement.
Not only has this cost me $4000 but whole heap of stress & nastiness from my ex.
Well things have improved some.
We are now communicating again. We are able to have conversations about the children & he has entered my house (with permission & purely child related).
As the holidays are approaching & this is the first time since we separated that there is a court order in place surrounding the holidays I should be relieved. However my children had told me that Dad was having the 2nd week of the holidays. He should be having the first. I thought I would let him know politely that he had his weeks mixed up via text.
He called into work today & apologised & said he's got it all mixed up & could I change weeks. I said I would have to check with my carer etc & I had scheduled 1 day off in that week. Our daughter is travelling internationally for sport & I have worked around her.
Because communication has improved & I am working most of the holidays I said I'd check & let him know. I don't wish to change my booked day off so that would have to remain.
Anyway I can't help but feeling like this is the calm before the storm. Previously he has been so nasty to me & we weren't even speaking.
I keep waiting for something to go wrong.
I guess all I can do is proceed with extreme caution, keep my distance & hope that we both put the court experience behind us & move forward.
However my gut is telling me this is the calm before the storm.
Any thoughts on this?
As you know I've been separated for 8 years & just spent the last 11/2 years going through custody court settlement.
Not only has this cost me $4000 but whole heap of stress & nastiness from my ex.
Well things have improved some.
We are now communicating again. We are able to have conversations about the children & he has entered my house (with permission & purely child related).
As the holidays are approaching & this is the first time since we separated that there is a court order in place surrounding the holidays I should be relieved. However my children had told me that Dad was having the 2nd week of the holidays. He should be having the first. I thought I would let him know politely that he had his weeks mixed up via text.
He called into work today & apologised & said he's got it all mixed up & could I change weeks. I said I would have to check with my carer etc & I had scheduled 1 day off in that week. Our daughter is travelling internationally for sport & I have worked around her.
Because communication has improved & I am working most of the holidays I said I'd check & let him know. I don't wish to change my booked day off so that would have to remain.
Anyway I can't help but feeling like this is the calm before the storm. Previously he has been so nasty to me & we weren't even speaking.
I keep waiting for something to go wrong.
I guess all I can do is proceed with extreme caution, keep my distance & hope that we both put the court experience behind us & move forward.
However my gut is telling me this is the calm before the storm.
Any thoughts on this?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I suggest that you stop projecting, just take it one day at a time and don't venture into personal areas no matter how nice he seems. Your instinct to proceed with caution is on target. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 303
I totally know that feeling. I've personally learned to trust that gut feeling, because it is almost always correct.
I also had to learn the hard way to just try to stick to the visitation and custody agreement. I will be flexible in unusual circumstances, but I found that it made things worse when I didn't stick to the agreement. For some reason, he is more abusive when he senses a willingness to compromise. It's very weird.
I also had to learn the hard way to just try to stick to the visitation and custody agreement. I will be flexible in unusual circumstances, but I found that it made things worse when I didn't stick to the agreement. For some reason, he is more abusive when he senses a willingness to compromise. It's very weird.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh boy Rosie, do I feel your pain here. My X is a huge narcissist. He is hateful half of the time, totally nice the other half. I never know which I will get. First off, I do try to work w/him reg scheduling, if it works for my schedule. I figure there will be things that come up that I may want to change, so if that happens he will work with me too. It does not happen often so it's not been a big deal.
I do take it a day at a time. I communicate via text mostly so it's short and to the point. I don't need to hear his moods or any extra of his crap that may come if we are on the phone. I can also print out the texts if need be, which I do often.
I can only say to keep the focus on your side of the street and focus on how things work for your schedule.
Tight hugs XXX
I do take it a day at a time. I communicate via text mostly so it's short and to the point. I don't need to hear his moods or any extra of his crap that may come if we are on the phone. I can also print out the texts if need be, which I do often.
I can only say to keep the focus on your side of the street and focus on how things work for your schedule.
Tight hugs XXX
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Rosie, he has a copy of the schedule. This might be carelessness, or manipulation, or both. Be careful allowing him to make changes as it could be the thin end of the wedge.
I suppose it's a judgement call, but you both had a written schedule.
I suppose it's a judgement call, but you both had a written schedule.
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