amandasue

My AXH who has hijacked my church ever since i left him pulled another stunt! In the beginning i let him continue going to my childhood church because i couldnt make it sunday mornings as i had to clean rich peoples toilets to survive on that day. He threated suicide alot then so i figured maybe he needed it more. But its been a year and i want it back. I have a ppo on him for stalking and terrorizing me so i let him know i was going and he shouldnt show up as i would call the police. Instead he sent his girlfriend to attend(the one he cheated on me with for 9 years) and she put in a prayer request for him that the pastor read aloud. I am so mad!! Guess im looking for a new church

Mountainmanbob

Usually restraining orders do not include common areas. Thus church areas.

Kind of like if two people go to the same school. The judge just tells them to stay away from each other.

Don't let anyone keep you from attending your church.

Mountainman

hopeful4

I agree, don't let anyone keep you from attending church. Have you spoken w/ your Pastor? Maybe that's the route to go.

Hangnbyathread

For me it wasn't a church issue. But it's the same theme. When I was with my XAGF, I found myself keeping myself isolated from others and events when I was with her. Always making excuses to her as to why. Of course those excuses could never be said that is was because of her, so you make up excuses that keep you insulated from the wrath.

In the end the reality was, I didn't want her messing up those environments by bringing a drunk into them. I kept myself out of social gatherings or circle of friends, that she would pretty much without fail, cause a drama at some point.

Man am I glad I'm out of that.

atalose

I don’t know why you called him to inform him you were going to church and told him he better not show up.

That’s like putting a bone on the ground in front of a dog and telling them not to eat it.

Review your PPO and I’m sure it states a common area such as church.

hopeful4

I am not sure how your church is, but at my church it's quite possible to sit somewhere and avoid a person with no problem. And my pastor will say a prayer request for anyone who asks for it, so try not be offended.

I say just sit somewhere else if you can tolerate it. Some would be able to, some not.

LexieCat

Is he on probation for the stalking, or do you just have an order? If he's on probation I'd let his probation officer know. Otherwise, you can attempt to have the order amended. You would have to explain your ties to the church, but it may be that since you haven't been attending for a year, he has "claim" to that one for now. You could also see if it's possible to charge him with a violation for sending his g/f. That might be hard to prove, but if she only materialized for the first time after you gave him notice you would be there, it's POSSIBLE that would be enough to indicate he intended to "contact" you through a third party.

You can also, as mentioned above, talk to the Pastor, who might ban them from the church in light of the history--that would be strictly up to the Pastor.

In general, public places aren't included in orders unless they are specifically mentioned. If he showed up, prayed and stayed away from you, that wouldn't be a violation.

Good luck!

changeneeded

I'm sure you've thought about this, but are there different service times?

Mountainmanbob

Came back to share a little more. Years back I had a similar situation with an ex girlfriend. The Pastor had to tell her to please feel comfortable seating on the opposite side of the church away from Bob. She was annoying me.

killerinstinct

I wouldn't be able to ignore him and go to the same church if I haven't healed.. If you have healed great then go and just keep away from him if you haven't Id speak to an elder in the church you can trust about what to do? I am so sorry for you and having to go through this ... It's never fair with an addict,.. They always get what they want while we have to change our entire lives to protect ourselves from being hurt any further .. There's never justice just us rising above it

Florence

For me, with a narcissistic ex who invaded my church and workplace (and hairstylist, and what else, let me count the ways!) -- he and his new wife decided to attend the church where I went for 25 years, and where my mom still goes, and this was after secretly applying for and getting a job with me that I'd been at for three years -- my advice is to get a new church.

I quit going to church altogether. And I got a new, better job.

Yes, it's unfair, and yes, it's a PITA, and yes, it's completely weird and cruel of him to continue to probe your boundaries. But you will never ever win this one. Even if you were able to coerce him into being a reasonable person who respects others' boundaries (ha ha), the well is already tainted, and you're never going to find the peace and healing that you want so badly from church with people wondering why you're so up in arms, and you quietly trying to justify your anxiety at him and his girlfriends' creepiness to others, and the time that you spend there not being full of gratefulness and abundance, but full of resentment and anger and disappointment.