New to here - looking for support/understanding
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario, CANADA
Posts: 26
New to here - looking for support/understanding
Hello everyone,
I just signed up for these message boards. I know I need to find support and help for myself. My fiance is an alcoholic - we have been together 13 years and I still love him deeply but he is a very sick person and the person that I fell in love with is disappearing more and more each day - getting lost in his world of addiction.
I have gone to 12 step groups for some time but lately have not gone nearly enough and feel very alone.
The day to day coping with active alcoholism is overwhelming and dealing with someone whose reality is SO distorted hurts so much. I have tried so hard to be supportive to him that I lost myself along the way,
I am glad I found this website...
I just signed up for these message boards. I know I need to find support and help for myself. My fiance is an alcoholic - we have been together 13 years and I still love him deeply but he is a very sick person and the person that I fell in love with is disappearing more and more each day - getting lost in his world of addiction.
I have gone to 12 step groups for some time but lately have not gone nearly enough and feel very alone.
The day to day coping with active alcoholism is overwhelming and dealing with someone whose reality is SO distorted hurts so much. I have tried so hard to be supportive to him that I lost myself along the way,
I am glad I found this website...
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
This forum has been a great addition to my recovery. I feel like I have a cyber family any time I need them. Dealing with addiction is hard. We try to share and support each other. You are welcome to share, post, reply, or just browse. Be sure to check out the powerposts at the top of the forums. They have some great information and posts. Hugs and welcome, Magic
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi hopeforme and welcome!
You're in the right place. We've all been there and we DO want to hear about it. I've found a lot of comfort and companionship on these boards. I hope you will too.
Hugs,
Smoke
You're in the right place. We've all been there and we DO want to hear about it. I've found a lot of comfort and companionship on these boards. I hope you will too.
Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Arizona
Posts: 29
Hello hopeforme, you have come to the right place. I understand what you are going through as I too have to deal with an active alcoholic on a daily basis. It is overwhelming, but you need to focus on yourself for a while. Keep posting, read the powerposts and remember we are here for you.....((((((hugs))))))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 168
Hi hopeforme
Welcome to SR and I am glad you found us to . There are alot of caring and understanding people here . The best part that I like is I have found alot of non-judgemental friends here and that helps. I don't here things like " leave him " , "dump him" but just plan understanding people that have gone through alot of the same things that I have myself. I know how hard it is watching the people we love fade away when I catch rare glimpses of my bf like he was before all his problems were setting in , it puts tears in my eyes and I get filled with hope that one day he will be back for good. I love him so much and at times tried to pretend I didn't but I can't deny it anymore ( we were apart for 11 years ) . We have been back together for almost a year now and seeing what he has done to himself over the years really hurts. I want so bad to be able to fix him but I can't only he can do that for himself. The thing is I had to realize what his problems was doing to me I was so involved with his problems that I was loosing myself to , that is when I found this site and it has really been helping me. I now not only realize that I can make him better but he has to deal with the consequence of his actions and that I have to help me. My thing is I have to fix what is wrong with me and trust God that the rest to fall in place and trust his direction for my life whatever that is. I know I feel helpless when I look at my bf I want so bad to be able to do all the right things to help him get through his addiction but I have had to realize it is not about me it is about him and I have to accept that. The only thing I can do is pray for him and hope he gets better one day. Keep coming here and posting it helps and we all want to know how you are doing.
rose
Welcome to SR and I am glad you found us to . There are alot of caring and understanding people here . The best part that I like is I have found alot of non-judgemental friends here and that helps. I don't here things like " leave him " , "dump him" but just plan understanding people that have gone through alot of the same things that I have myself. I know how hard it is watching the people we love fade away when I catch rare glimpses of my bf like he was before all his problems were setting in , it puts tears in my eyes and I get filled with hope that one day he will be back for good. I love him so much and at times tried to pretend I didn't but I can't deny it anymore ( we were apart for 11 years ) . We have been back together for almost a year now and seeing what he has done to himself over the years really hurts. I want so bad to be able to fix him but I can't only he can do that for himself. The thing is I had to realize what his problems was doing to me I was so involved with his problems that I was loosing myself to , that is when I found this site and it has really been helping me. I now not only realize that I can make him better but he has to deal with the consequence of his actions and that I have to help me. My thing is I have to fix what is wrong with me and trust God that the rest to fall in place and trust his direction for my life whatever that is. I know I feel helpless when I look at my bf I want so bad to be able to do all the right things to help him get through his addiction but I have had to realize it is not about me it is about him and I have to accept that. The only thing I can do is pray for him and hope he gets better one day. Keep coming here and posting it helps and we all want to know how you are doing.
rose
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario, CANADA
Posts: 26
Thank you all for your words of "wisdom" and your support...I feel so alone - it scares me - I know you all understand. It is breaking my heart watching him get worse and worse each day.
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