I think I finally got it
 

The meaning and importance of detachment. It is not only letting another person be responsible for his/her own actions. Detachment also inevitably leads to slow awakening, as you detach from your own negative emotions and start seeing everything more clearly. Your past, present, future. It helps reduce the stress that makes one paralyzed and unable to act. You start thinking again. You start seeing the way out.

So this weekend was lonely, but it is ok, I like it that way. There was a St. Patrick's Day parade in town, and I told husband that I wanted to go (it was absolutely irrelevant whether he wanted to go or not). So, he got up late, and I asked him if it would be ok that I go by myself. He got all upset about it (but he would be upset even if he went with me, because you see, he hates people and crowds, and this town and blah blah). So, basically, whatever I do, whatever I desire, he will be moody.

Anyway, I went to the little parade and had a good time. It felt good being alone. I did not feel like going home. When I came back, I took my dog out for a long walk. And then in the evening, we had another one and a game of fetch, and it felt great.

In the meantime, AH prepared a pity party, which, thanks goodness, I did not care about and go to.

This morning I wrote an email to an attorney. I never got called back from the legal organization, so I found the main guy and asked about the further steps.

Two years ago, I was literary running away for walks to avoid fights with my husband. And these walks were one fragment of my detachment. And then, one day, I found the strength and desire to talk to people. And I was not embarrassed anymore, because I did not cause it and certainly cannot change it or cure it. But, AH and his addiction cannot control me.

Sounds like you're doing GREAT! Keep up the good work!

That's fantastic Healthyagain.

You're right about detachment reducing the stress levels. I always think of the two concepts of detachment and boundaries complementing each other. At least they did for me. I needed to detach and reduce the stress a bit before I could examine my boundaries.

Thank you for sharing. I think I'm on the road to the first portion of what you said but still working through the desire to talk to people and the ability to get past the embarrassment. You give me hope that in time I'll be there too

I just got the reply. Lots of mixed feelings here. I qualify for lower cost and can hire an attorney, but my heart is breaking at the same time. I would love to stay married, I wish he could change. But . . . we know how all that works, don't we?

:c011: :You_Rock_

What a GREAT update!

Honestly, everything is possible if you really want it and there is always the way out. Getting to the moment of "snapping" and doing something productive is the hardest part.

And thank you all, you were and still are my little voice of sanity.

He can still change even if you divorce or separate, right? It's up to him either way.

You aren't shutting the door on a future, healthy relationship with this person but you are choosing to end this cycle of dysfunction. (((((hugs)))))

You are going to find that the most rewarding choices are the ones you make towards you. Rather than waiting for someone else to change in order to make your life better, you are taking your future happiness into your own hands. You will never regret teaching yourself that what you want matters, and is worth taking risks for.

I'm glad you qualify for legal assistance.

I'd suggest that you go in and meet with the attorney ASAP. You don't have to file immediately, but there may be steps you can take that will make the process go more smoothly. Information/knowledge is POWER.

Hugs, I know it's a hard thing to contemplate, but it's best to be as prepared as possible.

I am glad you had a good day!

Absolutely! I am a bit shocked how everything happened so fast. And fantastic news too! I am going to be nice to myself today. Do something that relaxes me, probably pray a lot, enjoy the weather, walk, meditate. Then I will make an action plan, step by step.

Thank you so much for posting. I think you've given the best description of detachment I've seen. A big hug!