Almost XAH-Relapsed again, driving his kids around
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 63
Almost XAH-Relapsed again, driving his kids around
Hi to anyone who reads this-
I'm almost divorced from my AH. Separate homes now...all but divorced... no contact for weeks now. He relapsed again about a month ago after 5 months sober. Aside from the fact that he blames me (typical) he is once again driving his kids (my step-kids) around after he drinks. When we were married I was able to step in and drive (usually to his parents' for a visit) but when it came to him picking them up after work, I obviously could do nothing and i always felt that calling the cops was a last resort b/c of his public employment position. Their mom (his first wife) knows, and while she's a great mom, she does nothing to stop him (take custody, call cops, etc.) I think she's afraid of his reactions...
Had a sad conversation with my mother-in-law yesterday where we talked about the fallout of this impending divorce; me and my kids not being in their lives much anymore. She talked about smelling liquor on him when he visited last, which was a couple of weeks ago...and he had his kids with him. Everyone (siblings, parents, friends) is afraid of him. They either don't know what to do or choose to do nothing since he is a "high-functioning" alcoholic and can drive what appears to be well with no one catching on unless they smell him. I however am not afraid (anymore)...but do not want to call the cops b/c being separated, I don't know anymore how much he is drinking or how often he drives his kids while drinking. Bottom line...I'd never forgive myself if something happened to his kids on account of his truly self-destructive self-centered behavior but I don't know what to do without causing him to lose his job, lose custody....then again I feel that's a natural consequence of what he's doing.
I need advice.
I'm almost divorced from my AH. Separate homes now...all but divorced... no contact for weeks now. He relapsed again about a month ago after 5 months sober. Aside from the fact that he blames me (typical) he is once again driving his kids (my step-kids) around after he drinks. When we were married I was able to step in and drive (usually to his parents' for a visit) but when it came to him picking them up after work, I obviously could do nothing and i always felt that calling the cops was a last resort b/c of his public employment position. Their mom (his first wife) knows, and while she's a great mom, she does nothing to stop him (take custody, call cops, etc.) I think she's afraid of his reactions...
Had a sad conversation with my mother-in-law yesterday where we talked about the fallout of this impending divorce; me and my kids not being in their lives much anymore. She talked about smelling liquor on him when he visited last, which was a couple of weeks ago...and he had his kids with him. Everyone (siblings, parents, friends) is afraid of him. They either don't know what to do or choose to do nothing since he is a "high-functioning" alcoholic and can drive what appears to be well with no one catching on unless they smell him. I however am not afraid (anymore)...but do not want to call the cops b/c being separated, I don't know anymore how much he is drinking or how often he drives his kids while drinking. Bottom line...I'd never forgive myself if something happened to his kids on account of his truly self-destructive self-centered behavior but I don't know what to do without causing him to lose his job, lose custody....then again I feel that's a natural consequence of what he's doing.
I need advice.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
If you truly feel they are in danger, you can call Child Protective Services. I believe you can give them detailed information (which they might need in order to assess credibility) and your identity will remain confidential. Hopefully if they do talk to the kids' mom and their grandmother, they will be honest when they ask and hopefully the kids will be honest when they ask them.
It may cause him some problems, but better that than that his kids are hurt in a preventable accident. If that happened, you might find it difficult to live with yourself if you knew and did nothing.
It may cause him some problems, but better that than that his kids are hurt in a preventable accident. If that happened, you might find it difficult to live with yourself if you knew and did nothing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 190
Yeah, I would definitely do something to help protect the kids. They are in a tough position that they cant really change. As an adult, it's in our hands to protect those who cant protect themselves.
It's a tough position to be in, knowing he could lose custody, or his job. But really, is his, his children's, or a stranger's life and limb worth that? You can't stop his drinking, but if he is breaking the law and putting others and himself in danger, it's time for something to stop.
It's a tough position to be in, knowing he could lose custody, or his job. But really, is his, his children's, or a stranger's life and limb worth that? You can't stop his drinking, but if he is breaking the law and putting others and himself in danger, it's time for something to stop.
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
Not much else to add to the above wise words but wanted to send you strength and support. I am so sorry you are in this position atall.
My AH family love to not talk about it...EVER. It's the elephant in the living room and they are very good at enabling him and jumping on the merrygoround with him often, only to be completely shocked when everything comes crashing down around them I choose to keep away from the merrygoround as much as possible and am getting better and better at keeping my side of the street clean.
Take care of you, sending strength and encouragement to you.
Take care Phiz
My AH family love to not talk about it...EVER. It's the elephant in the living room and they are very good at enabling him and jumping on the merrygoround with him often, only to be completely shocked when everything comes crashing down around them I choose to keep away from the merrygoround as much as possible and am getting better and better at keeping my side of the street clean.
Take care of you, sending strength and encouragement to you.
Take care Phiz
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