maybear

My husband has been gone for 4 days after a relapse, I don't know where he is but I'm sure he is drinking.
I am having a hard time imagining him coming back into our lives if by chance, he got well one day.
I am so upset that he has left me on my own our 10 month old. He doesn't really have a job at the moment but was suppose to find one to support us since I have previously been the one making most of our money but now look after my baby. The stress around finding a job was apparently his trigger for relapse. We have no family around us.
And off he goes, spiralling, leaving me to figure it out.
I am feeling pretty angry now. I am mortified that he would do this though I know he is an addict, it doesnn't excuse it.
The resentment is eating me up.

LexieCat

I'm sorry, maybear. That has to be terribly upsetting.

One thing, the stress around finding a job isn't a "trigger" for relapse. It's one of those life circumstances that every sober alcoholic has to learn to deal with. Do you have enough money saved to support you for the time being?

ladyscribbler

Can you apply for emergency assistance through your local social services? With a ten month old baby you will qualify for programs like WIC and TANF. The most important thing right now is taking care of yourself and your baby. It's not forever, just until you get on your feet.
So sorry your husband made such poor choices. I don't blame you a bit for being angry and resentful. My ex went on a bender the day after we brought our baby son home from the hospital instead of helping me with the baby. I was devastated, but an active alcoholic is never going to be a reliable partner or parent, no matter how much we wish they would be.
Sending you strength and big, huge giant hugs.

maybear

We do have just enough money for the moment, I live in Australia and have been able to get a single parent payment to help. I signed up for it after he left a month or so ago, lucky I didn't run back to cancel it as soon as he came home as he relapsed. Maybe I knew what was going to happen. And my house is paid off so that helps. Eventually I guess I will probably have to move closer to my mum so she can look after my baby while I work. That would make sense.

You are right, finding a job is an everyday part of living. And I certainly haven't been able to rely on him.

That is so awful your ex took off straight after you had your Bub, I'm sorry.

Thanks for your words.

LexieCat

Well, it doesn't help with the feelings of anger, but I'm very glad you and the baby have enough to meet your day-to-day needs. Sounds like being closer to your Mum would make a lot of sense.

Hugs,

ladyscribbler

That is so awful your ex took off straight after you had your Bub, I'm sorry.

I was even sorrier when he came back. Sticking around for five years waiting for him to change wasn't the wisest move either. If I had it to do over again I would have gotten away and started rebuilding my life sooner.