DoubleDragons

I had a stranger act extremely irrational and upset with me over a traffic situation in which we both had to slam on our brakes. (in my opinion, it was both of our faults) There was no collision, etc, just one of those unnerving "just misses". Anyway, she went crazy scary on me, honking her horn incessantly, chasing me into the parking lot and taking a picture of my license plate. I stayed calm and polite, but inside of me, even an hour after it happened, I am still a mess and feeling guilty and sick to my stomach. For the first time in a long time, I am craving a drink. (I quit drinking almost 18 months ago.) Don't worry I am not going to drink, but I have such an automatic "go to" mindset that I am bad. I was enjoying the day immensely before this incident and there is a part of me that now thinks the tone has been set and my weekend is going to suck. I had to call several people to assure me that I had done nothing wrong (totally insecure on my part, I know) and I feel like I am in a complete fog. Does this resonate with you all as ACOA/codie behavior? What are some good tips to overcome this?

Thank You!

AliWProk

I'm so sorry this happened, and has darkened your day. My suggestion would be to leave on the pillow.

This is what I do. I go over the incident in question while doing my nightly routine, and I take it to its logical conclusion - It's over, no one got hurt, what others think of me is none of my business - and then when I go to sleep that night, I leave it on the pillow.

If I wake up with the thought, I do not start my day until I resolve it (as above).

I hope you have a great, peaceful weekend!

LexieCat

Yup, sometimes I just have to wait a day for the aggravation to pass. I get that way if I have a frustrating (think pulling out hair by handfuls) conversation with one specific person I have to deal with every day. I often have a hard time shaking it for the rest of the day, but it's usually faded by the next day.

Hugs, I'm glad there was no ACTUAL accident. Close calls happen!

FireSprite

I used to be so uncomfortable anytime someone was angry with me, no matter what the reasons, no matter who it was.

I had to get to a point where I could recognize that just because they were angry didn't mean they were RIGHT. Feelings aren't facts, right?

Take a step back - did you do anything malicious? No
Did you accept your part of the blame? Yes
Who is this woman..... the traffic police? Not likely
So who is SHE to make you feel so awful? No one.

Honestly, she sounds like the type of person that can't ever take any accountability for their actions & NEEDS it to be someone else's fault. I'm glad I'm not her, I'll keep my humility. Thanks, CrazyLady, for reminding me of what I DON'T want to be.

Stung

I don't know if it's an ACOA thing (I'm not one) but I am like that too. It's only until recently that I've come to realize that people that totally freak out, like the woman you describe, they have something else going on. To chase someone into a parking lot and then take a picture of their LP without anything actually occurring (no accident) is pretty nuts. I just remind myself that I have no idea what is going on in other people's lives. A few months ago some guy in a construction type van completely cut me off and then he flipped me off afterwards. My initial reaction was "What the hell did I do to that guy?!" then it occurred to me that I'm not powerful enough to make a normal person act that way.

freetosmile

Oh the POWER that we give people! I do it a lot and am working hard on it. We can't continue to hand over the power to our LIVES! This is YOUR life, this is YOUR day, and this is YOUR reaction to her behavior. You have a choice here, but it has to be a conscious decision to NOT give her the power to determine the outcome of your day. That power belongs to YOU. Time to take the power back!!

TJD912

If you already know that you both did nothing to harm the other, then allow this to just be a glitch in the day, know that the bad forces of the earth will certainly target those having great days, and know that the woman who went nuts should have zero power over how the rest of your day went. Buy something small that makes you happy... a favorite candy, a nice meal...and enjoy it so the chemicals in your brain subside and you re-focus on something positive.

cynical one

Until I found recovery I was quick on flipping an idiot like that the bird. Now I just say to myself "I'm sure she was on the way to an emergency at the hospital and was frustrated that an incident almost occurred" and say a little prayer of thanks that nobody was hurt. And, then let. it. go.

gettingstronger

Yes, even when I make a mistake, an honest to goodness mistake, I feel like I am bad. And yes, it haunts me all day long. I was often criticized for mistakes as a child by my A father.

And now, my AH does it to me, too. Silly things, like hair being down the drain of the shower. Yes, it's my hair, but no it's not like I was sittng there, shoving hair down the drain. But my AH made sure I felt really bad about it.

There's a difference between mistakes and deliberate, malicious acts. And I have to keep reminding myself that I'm human and I will make mistakes, and I can't help that. But I can control being malicious.

I hope you're beginning to feel better about this incident. You aren't and weren't bad.
Hugs

987g

Yea this happens to me a lot too. I dwell on little mistakes, I start thinking I'm a bad person, I let my mind be totally taken over by anxiety. And to be honest, the more tired I am the worse it is! Sometimes it all gets the best of me because I am already tired and worn down. And sometimes it's the opposite: because I let things get the best of me I become tired and worn out. You might not feel better today but let yourself go to bed early. Get some rest...everything always looks better in the morning light.