gaffo

Last week I got word from a friend that an alcoholic ex friend/employee was Facebooking that I was a liar and a thief again. He assumed that this was because we had resolved a lawsuit in our favor and he wanted to congratulate me. I told him that nothing new had happened with the lawsuit then hung up and called the lawyer. I'll spare you the details, it's complicated and gross.

Then today the ex employee showed up on my doorstep. He woke me from a nap so I was kind of pissed but even more so when I saw it was him, he hasn't shown his face to me in over a year. He looked terrible. He asked me for a knife. What knife? The one he left at the shop. I told him who I thought had it then slammed the door in his face. Even after all this time he can still take me from zero to hot in about three seconds.

Then he texts me that he's sorry that he's going to have to call the cops and that I was going to brag about slamming the door in his face. I wanted to text back that I'm sorry he has to call me a liar and a thief on Facebook etc. but instead I just wrote "F--- you". He texted back that "after all he had done for me and my family", "I have more to lose" than him (a threat?) and that he was dying, only had 30% kidney function. I couldn't help myself, I wrote "F-- you" again.

I definitely hate the stupid expensive drama that the alcoholic brings to life. It can certainly bring out the worst in me. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow. At least I won't be hungover!


"Like a bad penny you turned up again"
--Rory Gallagher

killerinstinct

I feel sick in the stomach just thinking about all the money and interrogation I have to go through because its all so dramatic.. and doing it on my own hurts

LittleBirds3

YES! I totally understand. Most of my anger comes from the fact that I didn't "do" any of this - HE drums up all this drama, strife, etc... even if I handle every situation in the very best way possible, I can't make the drama and issues stop. Most situations are 2 sided - if I handle something gracefully, the other side will, too. With him, it is 1 sided - no matter how gracious I am, he is still combative and irrational. Its frustrating.

It has helped me to take little steps to take control - I blocked his number; when people start to talk about him, I say "I am trying to focus on myself" or something and change the subject; I no longer speak with "his" friends and family; every time I have to interact with him or have to deal with something relating to him (mostly through lawyers), I fight damn hard to handle it in a way that I have no regrets (which mostly involves a lot of biting my tongue).

I also have taken steps to be happier and more in control of my life - eating better; stress relief (exercise as everyone has pointed out); working hard to be successful in my career, etc...

I know its tough to feel like you have no control over the drama. So, take control in other ways.

Good luck!

ladyscribbler

Hugs KI. I'm also going through legal issues with my ex. He's fighting for unsupervised visitation with our son. Or actually he's fighting to have his wife supervise the visits. She has no issue subjecting her own children to his drunken abuse, but I'm supposed to believe she's going to protect mine? Yeah right.
I don't have any profound advice about letting go and letting god or any of that, because I'm really struggling with it myself. Easy for someone else to say when THEIR kids aren't in danger of being exposed to these lunatics. I already spent our Christmas money last year fighting it, and we're still nowhere near done. It enrages me to think that he's got me spinning my wheels just to feed his big King Baby ego because his wife is instigating all this. On his own he'd never have had the wherewithal to do more than bluster and threaten me on his own, but she's pouring poison in his ear, giving him rides to the courthouse and footing the bill for his lawyer just to "get me" because she'd got this weird jealousy thing that he and I used to be together. Never mind that she was married to his uncle the entire duration of our relationship. Crazy is as crazy does I guess.
Sending strength your way. And sorry for venting all over your thread. Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

amberly

I am right there with you. I actually had to ask the attorneys, etc. to stop contacting me while my AH is in treatment because I just cannot deal with all of this. I am embarrassed to be seen by the neighbors. I am embarrassed that the local police department knows us by name and address. I am $28k + in debt for his defense attorney. I am still dealing with the insurance company from when he totaled my car. I wish I could just move away and leave it all behind.