caligirl

Hello,

I am really nervous about my hubby deciding now that he needs help for his alcohol addiction. I am worried because I am five months pregnant with our second and I don't know if I can be the supportive wife he needs right now. I feel so incredibly selfish because I want him to get help, but at the same time, I feel like I have enough to deal with right now.

He does drink too much, but it is more of an annoyance than anything. I know that he has deep rooted issues that go way beyond the alcohol and I want more than anything for him to deal with those issues and live life happily.

I know that if I weren't pregnant I would be the happiest person in the world that he has decided to get help. But I am afraid it will be too much for me. On top of it all, he starts a outpatient detox program tomorrow, and I am going across the country in two days for a week so my mother can see her grandchild. I am not even going to be here for him when he needs me the most!! I feel terrible, upset, worried, anxious... this sucks.

Thanks for listening. I really needed to get that off my chest.

givingup

Dear Caligirl - I can feel the anxiety in your message so first of all take a couple deep breaths - one for you and one for the baby. I am new here to SR and to Al-anon so I'm not the best one to give advice but for what it is worth, I would tell you that your husband's recovery is out of your control -- so let it go. Then it won't be too much for you because it isn't your program to work. It is his. It might even be better that you will be gone while he does the outpatient rehab work. It is so easy to interfere with our best intentions to help our AH heal. Your focus needs to be on you and your children. Enjoy the time away from the chaos.

Live Strong!

best

Welcome

What a wonderful caring person you are. A desire to help....
Thing is though alcohol and drug addictions need be delt with by the person with the problem. You can't change him. He is the one who needs to do the changing. It is his issue that he needs to fix.
Best thing you could do is take care of you and the baby.
May want to read a few posts here and see what others have to say..others who are or have been in your shoes.
As far as timing for the rehab.... today is better then next year. It is never to early to start a healing of things. Sooner will always be found to be the better.

journeygal

Hi Caligirl and welcome.

Be thankful that your husband is seeking help on his own. This is his battle to fight and as the others have said, the best you can do is focus on taking care of you, your child, and the baby.

Try not to worry. His willingness to go to treatment is truly a blessing.

Hugs,
JG

caligirl

These words do make me feel better. I just need to let it go. Let him deal with it and be happy. I think it feels so difficult because I have seen him struggle about whether or not to drink for so long (without medical help). Last year, around this time, he decided to stop. It had been about a week and he ended up in the ER with heart complications. No one came out and said the cause was the alcohol withdrawl, though it was insinuated. He stayed sober for about three months. I thought he would forever. I thought the possibility of dying on his wife and baby would be enough....

Maybe the fact that we are going to have another child is his reasoning for getting help now. I don't really know. But whatever the reason I am happy. I will be there for him in anyway I can. But I will not get in the middle of him and his issues.

Caligirl

myles1

Hi,

Be really grateful he is getting help on his own.

Ngaire

Tenzin

Baby girl, I'm glad you've been at your mother's in Michigan throughout this past week. Though pride is sinful, I am glad you have not had to witness my struggle for I have been at my most vulnerable and hideous. I haven't been able to eat in days. The nausea has all but confined me to our bed and taken from me my appetite for a great many things, mostly food and water. I'm lightheaded and weak. I shall seek council with the Doctor tomorrow regarding the dosage and possible help with the nausea. I miss you baby girl, our lil bubba, and our newest lil bundle you carry. I love you soulmate. I go to sleep thinking of you all in my arms, still dry at the very end of day 6.

:ilu

shutterbug

Tenzin and Caligirl:

My heart is so touched by your admoration and love of each other. WOW. How special it must be to have that kind of person in each of your lives.

Tenzin - The fact that you can think of her on your 6th day of sobriety and post to this site is awsome! I will pray for the health, happiness and recovery of your entire family!!! Keep us posted on your sobriety. We are all rooting for you.

Caligirl - You have so much to share with your family, but you need to focus on you and your pregnancy right now. Don't worry about Tenzin's recovery. Just focus on you, you and YOU!!!!!!!! And let him focus on you too (heehee). It might actually help keep his mind into his recovery. Be very gentle with yourself right now - heart, mind, body and soul! Keep us posted on how the pregnancy is going.

Lov,
Jenna

cwohio

caligirl & tenzin

you are both doing what you need to do for yourselves and your family - wow - it's so uplifting to hear about positives!!

prayers for your recoveries - cwohio