Help
 

My husband returned from alcohol detox yesterday. While he was there, I was able to hold it together for myself and the children. It was actually a relief having him away. It was also so nice to talk to speak to my sober husband for the first time in over two years. I know this is a day by day situation, and I know many people go through this several times before it works (or doesn't). I'm just exhausted. He is trying and I don't want to put additional pressure on him, but I just don't see how I could ever go back to life with him drinking. We have been honest with the children, but they don't understand that he may drink again. I think he is glad that he went through the detox program, but I don't think he is convinced that he will never drink again. Everyone says take care of yourself, go to al-anon, but I just don't have myself to take care of.

Take care of yourself AND the children.
And I think a lot of time, the "take care of yourself" has a silent "stop putting the A at the center of your attention" in it.

That was my problem. I pretty much wiped myself out and let everything in our life circle around the A. My kids still talk about how they would panic when they heard his car in the driveway and run around like crazy picking up their toys and stuff so that he wouldn't have a reason to get mad when he walked in the door. For me, changing that was what "focus on yourself" meant -- not trying to make his world smooth at every turn, not walking on eggshells around him, just living my life.

I think it's wise of you to realize that drinking again is very likely. Detox just gets the alcohol out of the system -- it's like a tow truck that pulls you out of the ditch. It doesn't do anything to fix the problem that landed you in the ditch in the first place. Is he going to AA, working a program, doing anything in an attempt to not just get detoxed but actually stay sober?

aspen....do you have any boundaries in place? What do you plan to do if he starts drinking, again?

He is going to do what h e is going to do. The question is...what are you going to do?
Alanon can help you as you sort things out on your side of the equasion,

There is a reason that people are telling you these things...especially, if it is coming from others who have been in your same shoes....

dandylion