update...same old
 

So I moved back with my AH. He and I were doing ok. A little shaky but better than we have been in a while.
He told me whike we were seperated he was lonely with no one in the house to talk to...and he really loved me and knew he had stuff to work on. I said I had stuff as well.
Yesterday found out he was going to bars and hanging out with people who have caused nothing but damage to our marriage and family. So we had decided two years ago to keep our distance to protect our family.
The part that set me off is one of the women has wanted my husband forever and he went to a gay bar with her and one other couple. Both women have a significant others.
My AH husbands response...so what. You left me. Its your fault you were snooping. Which I wasnt I found it on our checking account the names of the bars.
So his answer was to leave and go get totalky wasted with his mother who dispises me.
My children were very sad. My AH was just staring at all of us. Nothing was said. AH had also peed his pants. Kerp in mind he had been sober for two weeks.
So sad...I ache for him. But cant help him.
Counseling today...dont have alot of hope.

So it's more of the same. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Good luck on the counseling today. I hope you can find some clarity about what you want.

Ditto what lillamy says

You need clarity not only for yourself, but for the well-being of your kids as well.

shelton....controlled drinking does not work with an alcoholic. Total abstainence combined with diligently working a program in order to make the internal changes that can help maintain sobriety is the effort that is necessary. Recovery is more than just white knuckling for periods of time.

The last thing an alcoholic wants to admit is that controlled drinking does not work. Inability to control drinking is the very heart of the disease, however.
If he is still drinking...he is still thinking like an alcoholic. So, all the measures that a typical alcoholic uses to protect their drinking will continue.....like lying and projecting blame onto others, etc...

I think it will help you to educate yourself on how this disease behaves and p rogresses so that you can keep your expectations realistic. It goes counter to normal logic.

I appreciate how deflated you must be feeling. It is truly a family disease and the fallout affects everyone that is close to the alcoholic.

As you know, by now....you can't control him. It will be up to you to protect yourself and your children.

I am glad to hear that you are getting support. This is simply too hard to go alone....

dandylion

He started the fight all overcagain when I got home. Told me that everyone thinks Im insane. And I disgust him with my way of thinking.
He even accused me of hating gay people...unbelievable.
Wow is all I can say.

Maybe moving back wasn't the greatest idea. Looks like nothing has changed.

How difficult would it be for you to move back out again? The longer you stay, the more difficult it will be to leave again.

:c029: Well, with you being so crazy and homophobic, he has pretty obvious reasons to drink, huh?! Oh the logic...

I'm so sorry. Take care of you and the kiddos - do something nice for yourself. (((HUGS)))

I hope you can try Alanon, which saved my sanity while offering tremendous support. Ditto what Lexie said: consider moving out again. He's an active alcoholic, the same as before, and while he continues to drink nothing will improve. A big hug.