New here please help me, feeling desperate.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
I do agree this is progress and you are doing the right thing.
I guess I don't understand why his Mom cant take him to a hotel, detox facility whatever. That's your home and I see no reason whatsoever you should be the one to leave.
You are a bigger person then I. I would tell THEM to take it elsewhere.
Good luck!
I guess I don't understand why his Mom cant take him to a hotel, detox facility whatever. That's your home and I see no reason whatsoever you should be the one to leave.
You are a bigger person then I. I would tell THEM to take it elsewhere.
Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 25
Thanks FG.
What you are saying is what I'm dreading. I know the next bit is going to be even harder.
The trouble is, this IS his home. He's lived here for 2 years nearly, it's not like he's just been crashing here. Up until 4 days ago we had built a life together here. I know That everything you say is so true but it is just going to be very hard. I am trying. I'm reading as much as I can and educating myself. I know if I don't then the pattern will repeat and be worse each time.
I am concentrating on myself this weekend and will then deal with the next step when I'm hopefully feeling more alive.
What you are saying is what I'm dreading. I know the next bit is going to be even harder.
The trouble is, this IS his home. He's lived here for 2 years nearly, it's not like he's just been crashing here. Up until 4 days ago we had built a life together here. I know That everything you say is so true but it is just going to be very hard. I am trying. I'm reading as much as I can and educating myself. I know if I don't then the pattern will repeat and be worse each time.
I am concentrating on myself this weekend and will then deal with the next step when I'm hopefully feeling more alive.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 25
Sungri, I don't think I'm a bigger person... Weaker maybe.
Either way, her being here with him will provide me with the respite and comfort I need. I already feel like a weight has been lifted. A year ago this would never have happened. I would have assured his mother that I could look after him and sort everything. I've admitted I can't. I've recognised I have no control and this is the best I can do right now.
Either way, her being here with him will provide me with the respite and comfort I need. I already feel like a weight has been lifted. A year ago this would never have happened. I would have assured his mother that I could look after him and sort everything. I've admitted I can't. I've recognised I have no control and this is the best I can do right now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Progress is progress, you are moving forward a healthier direction. Staying at a friends for a few days will do you good.
In one of your posts yesterday you mentioned that you hope he is getting close to hitting bottom.
Have you though that you being there, taking care of him proving a comfortable soft landing may be preventing him from reaching his bottom?
In one of your posts yesterday you mentioned that you hope he is getting close to hitting bottom.
Have you though that you being there, taking care of him proving a comfortable soft landing may be preventing him from reaching his bottom?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
I agree with atalose--you really aren't helping him by rescuing him over and over.
Your intentions are clearly out of love, but as a recovered addict myself, I didn't choose
to quit using until I faced real and lasting negative consequences with my relationship and my work.
Please consider asking him to move out, at least until he can demonstrate a serious period of real recovery (meaning treatment, and not just not drinking) of six months,
or even better a full year.
This way you get some much needed space, and he has to be responsible for his own choices without landing on you.
It sounds as though you are emotionally and physically running out the energy you need for your own life. Don't let his addiction destroy you too.
The saying around here is "let go or get dragged" which is unpleasant but true.
Be honest with yourself and proud you've taken this step back from his drunken circus to begin healing yourself.
Your intentions are clearly out of love, but as a recovered addict myself, I didn't choose
to quit using until I faced real and lasting negative consequences with my relationship and my work.
Please consider asking him to move out, at least until he can demonstrate a serious period of real recovery (meaning treatment, and not just not drinking) of six months,
or even better a full year.
This way you get some much needed space, and he has to be responsible for his own choices without landing on you.
It sounds as though you are emotionally and physically running out the energy you need for your own life. Don't let his addiction destroy you too.
The saying around here is "let go or get dragged" which is unpleasant but true.
Be honest with yourself and proud you've taken this step back from his drunken circus to begin healing yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 25
I am taking on board all you say...
I know I'm not helping. Believe me, the way I am treating him at the minute is massive progress from last time he was like this. I am essentially leaving him to it, albeit I know, in our home.
I will seriously consider the next step when I am in a frame of mind to think clearly. It's taking everything for me to go and stay elsewhere this weekend, I can't make a decision right now about what happens next.
I know he needs to see real consequences to his behaviour, I know that. I'm working on it. Right now, as I said, I need to breathe on my own at least for a couple of days.
I know I'm not helping. Believe me, the way I am treating him at the minute is massive progress from last time he was like this. I am essentially leaving him to it, albeit I know, in our home.
I will seriously consider the next step when I am in a frame of mind to think clearly. It's taking everything for me to go and stay elsewhere this weekend, I can't make a decision right now about what happens next.
I know he needs to see real consequences to his behaviour, I know that. I'm working on it. Right now, as I said, I need to breathe on my own at least for a couple of days.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
Have the best weekend you can.
Sounds like his drinking bender has ended, it's a shame his Mum can't see it at full swing.
Hope the wool isn't pulled over her eyes.
By being strong you may just be allowing him to save his life.
I'm so glad to know you are aware that how it will go if he doesn't quit for good.
John.
Sounds like his drinking bender has ended, it's a shame his Mum can't see it at full swing.
Hope the wool isn't pulled over her eyes.
By being strong you may just be allowing him to save his life.
I'm so glad to know you are aware that how it will go if he doesn't quit for good.
John.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 25
Thanks everyone. He just called the doctor of his own accord to try and sort out some sort of detox programme.
The doctor said he needs to wait until Monday morning when the alcohol nurse can do an assessment but in the meantime needs to ensure he keeps self medicating with alcohol.
I know the risks involved in him stopping after such a binge... But I do wish there was better provision in this country for this disease.
Everytime he tries to get help, there's always an excuse why he can't be helped. I know it doesn't make what he is doing right or validate it in any way. But it sure is frustrating.
On another note, I've found another alanon meeting so I'll be off to that shortly.
The doctor said he needs to wait until Monday morning when the alcohol nurse can do an assessment but in the meantime needs to ensure he keeps self medicating with alcohol.
I know the risks involved in him stopping after such a binge... But I do wish there was better provision in this country for this disease.
Everytime he tries to get help, there's always an excuse why he can't be helped. I know it doesn't make what he is doing right or validate it in any way. But it sure is frustrating.
On another note, I've found another alanon meeting so I'll be off to that shortly.
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Hi miss, glad he contacted the doctor, I hope he follows through on Monday for both of you. You are doing so well, just keep taking those baby steps and breath. I hope you have a nice relaxing weekend ((((((hugs))))))
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Hi Miss... crossing my fingers for you and hubby.. have been in your shoes kiddo.. we went to a tummy Doctor.. Ed had been in hospital for 11 days... the Doctor looked right at us and said I don't care what you eat or how it effects your tummy... the session took 4 minutes.. his fee was 1500.00 ... I called the State Board of Medical review on him.. went to our Capitol and laid out my findings and played the recording of the doctor saying this.. they fined him.. he gave me such a look.. in court I turned and said .. Kiddo the next time you have people in your office that are paying to have you help them do it or get out of the Doctor market... my Hubby means more to me then paying you.. I was just beside myself and two of me is worse then one when I am on a soap box with facts.. hugs and have you tried to get him to review things on the net on what is happening to his mind and body because of this.. this helpped my hubby so much... love ardy
Originally Posted by MissBizzita 
Thanks everyone. He just called the doctor of his own accord to try and sort out some sort of detox programme.
The doctor said he needs to wait until Monday morning when the alcohol nurse can do an assessment but in the meantime needs to ensure he keeps self medicating with alcohol.
I know the risks involved in him stopping after such a binge... But I do wish there was better provision in this country for this disease.
Everytime he tries to get help, there's always an excuse why he can't be helped. I know it doesn't make what he is doing right or validate it in any way. But it sure is frustrating.
On another note, I've found another alanon meeting so I'll be off to that shortly.
The doctor said he needs to wait until Monday morning when the alcohol nurse can do an assessment but in the meantime needs to ensure he keeps self medicating with alcohol.
I know the risks involved in him stopping after such a binge... But I do wish there was better provision in this country for this disease.
Everytime he tries to get help, there's always an excuse why he can't be helped. I know it doesn't make what he is doing right or validate it in any way. But it sure is frustrating.
On another note, I've found another alanon meeting so I'll be off to that shortly.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
