The Language of Letting Go, March 10
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The Language of Letting Go, March 10
MARCH 10
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Living with Families
I was 46 years old before I finally admitted to myself and someone else that my grandfather always managed to make me feel guilty, angry, and controlled.
--Anonymous
We may love and care about our family very much. Family members may love and care about us. But interacting with some members may be a real trigger to our codependency--sometimes to a deep abyss of shame, rage, anger, guilt, and helplessness.
It can be difficult to achieve detachment, or an emotional level, with certain family members. It can be difficult to separate their issues from ours. It can be difficult to own our power.
Difficult, but not impossible.
The first step is awareness and acceptance--simple acknowledgment, without guilt, of our feelings and thoughts. We do not have to blame our family members. We do not have to blame or shame ourselves. Acceptance is the goal--acceptance and freedom to choose what we want and need to do to take care of ourselves with that person. We can become free of the patterns of the past. We are recovering. Progress is the goal.
Today, Higher Power, help me be patient with myself as I learn how to apply recovery behaviors with family members. Help me strive today for awareness and acceptance.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Living with Families
I was 46 years old before I finally admitted to myself and someone else that my grandfather always managed to make me feel guilty, angry, and controlled.
--Anonymous
We may love and care about our family very much. Family members may love and care about us. But interacting with some members may be a real trigger to our codependency--sometimes to a deep abyss of shame, rage, anger, guilt, and helplessness.
It can be difficult to achieve detachment, or an emotional level, with certain family members. It can be difficult to separate their issues from ours. It can be difficult to own our power.
Difficult, but not impossible.
The first step is awareness and acceptance--simple acknowledgment, without guilt, of our feelings and thoughts. We do not have to blame our family members. We do not have to blame or shame ourselves. Acceptance is the goal--acceptance and freedom to choose what we want and need to do to take care of ourselves with that person. We can become free of the patterns of the past. We are recovering. Progress is the goal.
Today, Higher Power, help me be patient with myself as I learn how to apply recovery behaviors with family members. Help me strive today for awareness and acceptance.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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Location: Silicon Valley, CA
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I struggle with accepting others, mostly just FOO (mine and RAH's). For example, I accept that my mom is sick, she's not going to get better. So what does that leave me with…? Accepting an abusive person in my life? Or just accepting the reality that she's a sick person? For some reason accepting people as they are (rather than accepting them for their potential) always somehow signifies that I still have to allow them into my life. MIL is mean, I accept that. I don't want her in my life because she's really mean to me. SIL and FIL are still active alcoholics, I accept that and I'm not going to try to talk to them about recovery. But I don't want them in my life because they're active alcoholics. I feel like accepting people (myself included) is just being able to see them as they are but then other times when I read about accepting family it feels like it's about being able to tolerate abusive people.
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