Acheleus

My alcoholic gf cheated and now it is over. I'm sober but I am feeling so mad at myself for being a pathetic weak person. I hate myself and it makes me sad that I am unwanted and unloved. It's like the demon alcoholism is ready to come out any minute. I'm so sick of everything. Losing so much to alcoholism even when I am sober.

LexieCat

Pathetic, weak people do not stay sober after something like this happened to them.

You are NOT "unwanted and unloved"--you had a bad end to a relationship that wasn't healthy or good for you to begin with. That happens to sober people and alcoholics. It is part of life. Sometimes things work out badly and end badly.

Are you ready to REALLY walk away and cease ALL contact with this person? For your sake, I hope so. Your sobriety will bring you many, many gifts. Eventually, when you are ready, you will find yourself in a relationship where you both can support each other and grow. Trust me on this. You gotta be sober to play, though. Them's the rules.

Acheleus

Thank you so much. Yes no contact and proud to finally be finished. I'm going to get my six month chip tonight

knowthetriggers

^^Well Congratulations! That is something to be very proud of!

Now - your other post about being unloved, etc. I found, in my experience, that forgiving myself helped me to move forward and learn to love myself again. It took time but it was worth it in the end.

Stay strong and keep coming back!

SparkleKitty

Sorry, Acheleus, but it doesn't add up that you are "pathetic and weak" and yet also getting your six-month chip tonight!

This is super-difficult stuff you are going through even without addictions in the mix, and you already know that the only thing that can make it more difficult is drinking. I'm really proud of you for facing this with your eyes open, but give yourself some credit, my friend, for how well you are doing.

thotful

Every day sober is a gift. It is something you can actually own. It occurs because you have done something for yourself. Yes, you probably had help, but you can still appreciate your own progress (we get degrees and are taught by a professor - we learn something and often have to read something someone else has wrote - well. you get the picture).

As for the gf. That was TOTALLY out of your control. You may have been unwanted and unloved by the gf. But know this, I believe truly in my heart, that there is NO ONE in this world that isn't loved and isn't wanted by someone. We have friends. We have family. We have partners. We have fellow travelers on our road to recovery. THe love and want is there. Number one person that you can work on loving and wanting you? Well...that is you. Work on loving yourself. Priority one.

Feeling unwanted and unloved is, in my opinion, the experience of feeling shame. How do we reduce shame? I guess I don't have a direct answer. The only thing I can think of is to maintain the sobriety. Seek out help wherever you can. Find the support you need. If you attend AA meetings - go to more meetings. If you have a sponsor, talk to the sponsor.

Congrats on sobriety!

P.S. Of all the things that don't love me, don't want me, want to screw up my life. ALCOHOL is AT THE TOP taking the cake. There is no one else, nothing else that has messed with me more. Alcohol is the big sob that I've gone no contact with. When I feel the urge, I try to envision what will happen next. If I drink, what will happen next? Another drink. What will happen then? Then I will remember all those times where alcohol put me into major danger. I will also say to alcohol, "umm, what do you have to offer me?....Nothing, that's what." See ya later alcohol. Leave me the hell alone.

Good luck!

Acheleus

I am glad to be sober and I am having dinner with a friend I met. She knows about my sobriety and my ex. I'm hoping she can be a good friend and help me not hate myself so much. I'm completely empty right now but I know I will survive. Going to listen to that song!

SparkleKitty

When my self-esteem was at it lowest, the best choices I made were to spend as much time as possible with people who loved and accepted me unconditionally. Let your friend be your mirror and you will see the best of yourself through her.

LemonGirl

Who says' you are unwanted and unloved? Is it possible that up until now there have been events and people that led you to this false belief? Did you know that you have the power to change that? Your choices today can make your tomorrows brighter... Slowly... but it can and will happen if you keep being "sick of" losing so much to alcoholism.... At least when you are sober you have the chance to change all that. Give it time my friend.

LexieCat

HUGE congrats on your six months!!

Have a wonderful time with your friend, but BE CAREFUL not to launch into a new relationship just to make yourself feel less empty. Being empty for a time isn't a bad thing. You can slowly fill up again with good things--including, eventually, a partner--but don't rush that part of it.

Hugs,

Acheleus

Yes I know. It is just so nice to talk to someone with the same interests. We went out one afternoon and I was so happy afterward. Just being with someone normal and nice. I'm going to stay to myself until I am secure enough to have something to offer in a relationship. I am just scared.

NYCDoglvr

YEAAAAAAA! A very big congratulations on a major achievement. "No relationships in the first year" is very good advice. Keep on keeping on!