Slothy

It's been over 2 weeks since going no contact with my exabf! I have taken everyone's advice here and have been very kind to myself since the break! I have had multiple sessions with my therapist, keeping myself busy even with work, starting back on the fitness thing, and reconnecting with friends I pushed away during my relationship. I am beginning to feel like the exhaustion of the last couple of weeks and frankly last year and a half is subsiding and the acute pain in letting go and being so hurt is diminishing! A hint of peace is settling in... No more hurt, lies, deceit! Yeah! Slowly, it's feeling more normal to not have him in my life.

This is where I get stuck......I still struggle with ruminating over his wrongs towards me and his lying and infidelity! It's also still so hard to think about how he moved on, no care in the world, and how is enjoying his so called " great life" with others while I'm stuck here!

Lately I only get solace from these thoughts by thinking about how is body is so poisoned and already showing signs of sickness! Am I a monster for thinking this? Or maybe in a way wanting him to be so sick that he feels misery too?
Thoughts please !

DoubleDragons

I think it is very normal to want someone to feel pain or remorse for abusing us. Sadly, though, hanging on to those thoughts too long, only causes more harm to ourselves. Allow yourself to notice those thoughts and feelings in order to process them, but if you find yourself stuck or obsessing on those thoughts than it is time to turn your thoughts to other things which by your account sounds like you are doing.

I sometimes get hopeless with all of my angry thoughts about my AM. When I get to that state, I turn my thoughts to my HP, God and a peace comes over me that allows me to move on with new activities in my day.

ladyscribbler

Not at all. You're finally processing all the stuff you suppressed so that you could stay in the relationship without going totally insane.
The anger is normal, and you're right, his mind and body are poisoned from his disease.
I had to work through a LOT of anger after I left my ex. Good that you're seeing a therapist. Having a neutral sounding board for this stuff is a really big help. I also worked the steps in Alanon. Once I was ready, I found that step four was a big help in dealing with all those pent up emotions- lots of anger, but other things as well.
Great job focusing on you. I also recently got back on the exercise wagon, and it has been a big boost for my mood after this long, freezing winter.
Great post Slothy. Thanks.

dandylion

Slothy....I confess the following:

For any man who did me wrong, I found great solace in wishing for the following:
1. That he would go prematurely bald.
2. That he would develop a giant beer belly...with spindly legs...and man-boobs.
3. That he would suffer a dysfunction that would render his wanger permanently soft.

dandylion

Mountainmanbob

Sounds perfectly normal to be right where you are.

These break ups hardly ever go with total ease.

And although at this time he seems not to miss you very much if at all
the day may come when he will realize what he had but lost.

This just played out with one of my brothers daughters. Yes, her husband was taking her for granted and playing around a little we think. She left him. Not easy but, she moved on. Now she has a nice new man in her life and her ex wishes for her to come back. Yes, he realizes what he once had. He is really crying in his milk at this time.

Even though I never cared for him that much, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Poor guy woke up a little too late.

A wise old guy at my work used to say
"you don't know what you have until the well runs dry"

M-Bob

Eauchiche

Dear Slothy
It is hard to realize that that individual is in his own personal hell, but this is universally true of someone with an addiction. Realizing that will help take some of the hurt and anger away.

I am glad you are moving on so quickly. Keep coming back!

marie1960

He is living in denial.

His brain and body are controlled by a drug.

All rational thought is out the window.

I certainly would not consider this moving on.

It's just another day, of the same old crap for him, feeding and protecting his addiction, what a wasted life , he is currently living.

You, on the other hand, are free, free to live filled with honesty, trust and joy. Thinking you are the lucky one in this situation.

Sending you support.

LexieCat

It helped me just to think of myself and my ex as being on separate journeys. Our time together was what it was--the good, the bad and the ugly. What happens to him after we part is for him to deal with. His suffering wouldn't diminish mine. His future happiness or misery has NOTHING to do with me.

Thinking that way brought me a whole lot of peace.

Slothy

I wish I could say that Lexie..... I know when more happiness starts creeping back into my life I think I will think your way. Right now, I want him to hurt!

LexieCat

Sometimes storing up that bitterness can actually keep some of that happiness from creeping back in. I totally get being angry and indignant about what happened, but try not to hold onto it TOO hard. Work on willingness to let it go at some point in the future.

SeriousKarma

^^^^^^
This.

And a v***** doll.

LexieCat

LOL, ****** gets bleeped?

I wonder which SR rule that falls under.

Don't try this at home, kids!

Slothy

Thanks all!

The hurt me wants him to feel the consequence of his actions!!!! get sick, get hospitalized, get a DUI, get dumped on and cheated on by the most gorgeous supermodel, lose all of his inheritance, lose his business, and of course also what dandylion said....

1. That he would go prematurely bald.
2. That he would develop a giant beer belly...with spindly legs...and man-boobs.
3. That he would suffer a dysfunction that would render his wanger permanently soft.

The healing me prays for his health, wishes he was not such a wounded hurting person, wishes him freedom from his addiction and a life of peace and serenity!

What an insane crazy dichotomy of thinking....but guessing its normal!!!!!

greeteachday

hmmm ****** voo doo testing 1,2 ,3

Who knows

Duckygirl1

Mine was bald and had a tummy, so I guess I can just wish for the non working willie. I think that's why I liked him. He looks a bit like Winnie the Pooh. Anyway, like has been said, they don't really move on from us. They were never present in the first place. That's the part I find amazing. I'm working on letting go of the anger while keeping the lesson. It's not easy, but it can be done. Good luck!

Slothy

Long story short...I heard some news that my exabf is returning to Florida for one of his toxic vacations with his ex abf who is really his gf, as he has been seeing her from day one of our relationship! I found myself sinking again in that moment.......!!!!!! The fragments of peace that have come with going no contact kinda went down the drain in that instant! Pissed off...hurt etc..ruminating over lies and cheating!!! Ughh...I thought I was doing sort of well but maybe not as well as I thought!

I have deleted all of any contacts that are related to my exabf when I went no contact. The reality is, it is a very small world, we live in close proximity, and he knows and we mutually knew a lot of people!

For the time being, I am distancing myself from any person, place or thing that creates that oh so intense feeling of HURT! I have taken a new route to visit my mom, as his condo is directly on the street that I normally travel! I will switch shopping centers, restaurants, etc, to avoid this oh so unpleasant experience.

Im hoping as I get stronger and come to some sort of peace with our relationship and the hurt, these things will get easier and maybe HOPEFULLY wont even phase me! I know I am giving him way too much power over me and my life, but I am not strong enough or happy enough to deal with these triggers and re-feel the hurt!

Thoughts appreciated again!