okay, I need advice again
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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okay, I need advice again
So EXABF's mom has reached out to get DD and I together for a playdate with her and her other granddaughter tomorrow.
she and exA have a complicated relationship - they don't talk, I don't necessarily agree with either one's choices in their relationships. I think she knows how he is and I think that's why he chooses to cut her out. She also has her own demons (don't we all)...I don't know them completely, just hearsay but I know that she helped exA's wife move out of their house when she left him, and I know she seems to be friendly with most of his exes. I've tried to understand the psychology of that but mostly just out of curiosity. Could just be a fellow codie for all I know. I don't know her all too well because of her and exA's relationship. But my brother and mom aren't close because of my dad so I try not to judge.
Should I take DD and go? She wants to meet us at one of those indoor jump places and then lunch. I don't know if its appropriate, but I do know its good for DD to see her cousin who is a year older, and I don't think she'd get the chance any other way.
she and exA have a complicated relationship - they don't talk, I don't necessarily agree with either one's choices in their relationships. I think she knows how he is and I think that's why he chooses to cut her out. She also has her own demons (don't we all)...I don't know them completely, just hearsay but I know that she helped exA's wife move out of their house when she left him, and I know she seems to be friendly with most of his exes. I've tried to understand the psychology of that but mostly just out of curiosity. Could just be a fellow codie for all I know. I don't know her all too well because of her and exA's relationship. But my brother and mom aren't close because of my dad so I try not to judge.
Should I take DD and go? She wants to meet us at one of those indoor jump places and then lunch. I don't know if its appropriate, but I do know its good for DD to see her cousin who is a year older, and I don't think she'd get the chance any other way.
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yea, Its her paternal grandmother.
I think its healthy for her to have relationships with family members, because I wasn't close with a lot of extended family. My only fear is exabf hearing about it and causing a big fuss....but there really isn't anything that he could do except be mad. Which he is anyway after child support lol.
I think its healthy for her to have relationships with family members, because I wasn't close with a lot of extended family. My only fear is exabf hearing about it and causing a big fuss....but there really isn't anything that he could do except be mad. Which he is anyway after child support lol.
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Given the little I know, I would lean toward going and giving your DD an opportunity to bond with her older cousin and her grandmother. I would also think of some discussion topics as well as boundaries for discussion that you feel comfortable with while the kids are jumping around and doing their thing.
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What is healthiest for you?
You get to come first, before anyone else.
Too often I've thought of what I can handle and what's good for others. It's harder to put myself and my recovery first. My sponsor has been helping me with considering how important that is.
Our kids are important. The greatest gift we can give them is a very healthy parent. When I'm trying to look like one, I'm not always putting in the work in becoming one.
You get to come first, before anyone else.
Too often I've thought of what I can handle and what's good for others. It's harder to put myself and my recovery first. My sponsor has been helping me with considering how important that is.
Our kids are important. The greatest gift we can give them is a very healthy parent. When I'm trying to look like one, I'm not always putting in the work in becoming one.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
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I had a strained relationship with my ex's mom after I left him. She was extremely angry with me for leaving. In hindsight I can see that she was worried about having to take care of her son (supercodie) and worried that she wasn't going to see her grandson (normal fear in a split like ours).
I have made sure she has weekly phone calls with our son and visits every other Christmas and for a month in the summer. Just today my son was talking about how much he wants to see grandma and grandpa this summer (they have dogs and a pool), and I'm really glad I didn't cut them off out of anger because of her initial reaction to me leaving.
Sounds like the grandma wants a relationship with little Blossom. I think setting up the playdate was a really nice gesture on her part. If you're comfortable with it, then I think it's a good idea to encourage those family relationships. No kid ever suffered from too much love.
I have made sure she has weekly phone calls with our son and visits every other Christmas and for a month in the summer. Just today my son was talking about how much he wants to see grandma and grandpa this summer (they have dogs and a pool), and I'm really glad I didn't cut them off out of anger because of her initial reaction to me leaving.
Sounds like the grandma wants a relationship with little Blossom. I think setting up the playdate was a really nice gesture on her part. If you're comfortable with it, then I think it's a good idea to encourage those family relationships. No kid ever suffered from too much love.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Oh yes, if you are comfortable with this grandma please let her know your daughter. I speak as a grandma. We love our grandchildren dearly. As long as you feel your daughter will be safe, happy and loved then let her know her cousin and grandmother.
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If you are OK with being around her I would definitely go. I like the idea about keeping lunch open ended.
I think if they are offering it is worth while to keep relationships going. I'd be so grateful if my ex-in-laws would have made any kind of attempt to maintain or form a relationship with my kids. My kids have lost sooooo much.
I think if they are offering it is worth while to keep relationships going. I'd be so grateful if my ex-in-laws would have made any kind of attempt to maintain or form a relationship with my kids. My kids have lost sooooo much.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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Hey! I went. It went good (other than the part of someone stealing my purse...then finding it in the bathroom and the only thing stolen was my ADD Medication....)
DD had a great time! I am a little worried about her behavior lately. I received notes twice last week about her not listening in school, and she hasn't been listening to me either. I'm going to take her to the library tonight after school/work and spend some one on one time with her...I'm worried she feels like she only gets attention if she is misbehaving, so I'm going to do some fun activities with her. With everything going on lately, the house buying process, mediation, keeping up with work while this crazy weather is happening...I feel like we haven't had much time to focus on her.
DD had a great time! I am a little worried about her behavior lately. I received notes twice last week about her not listening in school, and she hasn't been listening to me either. I'm going to take her to the library tonight after school/work and spend some one on one time with her...I'm worried she feels like she only gets attention if she is misbehaving, so I'm going to do some fun activities with her. With everything going on lately, the house buying process, mediation, keeping up with work while this crazy weather is happening...I feel like we haven't had much time to focus on her.
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