Hi
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Hi
Just wanted to pop in and say hello and catch up on some reading here. I hope everyone is doing well. I've been in a winter funk and I'll admit I haven't been working my recovery as I should. Depression is a bitch. It's supposed to be in the 50s next week and I'm taking a trip to Florida to see my mom soon, so hopefully my dark mood will lift.
I plan on being around more often. Just felt like I didn't have anything positive to contribute lately.
Much love and peace to you all!
I plan on being around more often. Just felt like I didn't have anything positive to contribute lately.
Much love and peace to you all!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
It happens every year. January and February are not good months for me. That is when I should step it up and meditate, exercise, and work on my recovery more, but I literally feel paralyzed. I am so unmotivated. Some days are better than others and at least I'm aware of the cycle now. I also have a lot of misdirected anger. Sometimes I can't tell what is a real issue and what is me projecting. It's frustrating but I'll get through it. I know most of it is the f-ed up chemicals in my brain talking to me and telling me I am a failure, making me obsess on all the things I regret, I'm a talentless loser, etc.......it is NOT reality and deep down I know it. Feelings aren't facts, but when they keep persisting for weeks it really sucks.
Years ago I would have been drinking to try to forget about feeling so awful. I am grateful I don't do that anymore. I am seriously considering moving to a warmer climate. I miss Northern California! Although some rainy SF winters got to me too. My mom's in Florida and I am going to look at some houses while I'm there. This winter BS needs to go.
Years ago I would have been drinking to try to forget about feeling so awful. I am grateful I don't do that anymore. I am seriously considering moving to a warmer climate. I miss Northern California! Although some rainy SF winters got to me too. My mom's in Florida and I am going to look at some houses while I'm there. This winter BS needs to go.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Hello readerbaby!
I've been thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. I've been feeling an ebb and flow myself - more ebb than flow lately. Now realizing again what things help me, and trying to get them done. Vitamin D and digestive enzymes are huge factors for me, and thankfulness, yet still pieces of recovery and not solutions on their own. -- and now that you mention it, yes winters are always worse for me. So sorry you've been going through this!
I have a notebook with lots of notes to myself of what helps, but I have no idea where that is. Part of the self awareness I'm gaining. Time to start a new notebook and value it better.
What does your support team look like? Including doctors.
Big, big hugs. ((((readerbaby))))
I've been thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. I've been feeling an ebb and flow myself - more ebb than flow lately. Now realizing again what things help me, and trying to get them done. Vitamin D and digestive enzymes are huge factors for me, and thankfulness, yet still pieces of recovery and not solutions on their own. -- and now that you mention it, yes winters are always worse for me. So sorry you've been going through this!
I have a notebook with lots of notes to myself of what helps, but I have no idea where that is. Part of the self awareness I'm gaining. Time to start a new notebook and value it better.
What does your support team look like? Including doctors.
Big, big hugs. ((((readerbaby))))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Thanks, all. I do take vitamin D and it helps. I have a serious case of cabin fever. The cold and snow just will not let up! The sidewalks are so icy and full of salt it is almost impossible to walk the dogs, poor things. I don't want to slip and hurt myself. I am not very light on my feet. We have a small yard, but I was used to taking walks three times a day.
I go to therapy occasionally but can't go a lot because of the cost. I have friends and family who are very supportive but when I get like this I have a hard time reaching out. I don't like to talk about it. The other day I was talking to a friend and I found myself minimizing my feelings and just saying, "I'll be fine." She pointed it out.
I have a meditation group I used to go to on Sundays but I haven't been there since New Years. I have a bike stand in the house but I haven't ridden for weeks. I either read, watch TV, or play mindless word games. I am still working, writing and babysitting, but nothing feels very fulfilling. I feel like a complainer right now just writing this out. I am grateful for so many things in my life but right now there's a pall over everything. I know what I have to do. Force myself to do the things I don't want to. Why is it so hard?
I go to therapy occasionally but can't go a lot because of the cost. I have friends and family who are very supportive but when I get like this I have a hard time reaching out. I don't like to talk about it. The other day I was talking to a friend and I found myself minimizing my feelings and just saying, "I'll be fine." She pointed it out.
I have a meditation group I used to go to on Sundays but I haven't been there since New Years. I have a bike stand in the house but I haven't ridden for weeks. I either read, watch TV, or play mindless word games. I am still working, writing and babysitting, but nothing feels very fulfilling. I feel like a complainer right now just writing this out. I am grateful for so many things in my life but right now there's a pall over everything. I know what I have to do. Force myself to do the things I don't want to. Why is it so hard?
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
I don't know why it's so hard, but I do understand. I often think my doctors, sponsor, etc. think I'm not trying, but I'm working on giving myself credit for what I've gotten done instead of all I don't. I woke up today. I prayed. Etc. Little things like breathing count for a lot.
I have no doubt that if we keep looking for answers, we'll find what we need for ourselves. Ironically, as much as I want to isolate and do it alone, my history has shown that's not working for me. Progress, not perfection. Lately my progress has been more awareness than action. That's okay. One day at a time.
I have no doubt that if we keep looking for answers, we'll find what we need for ourselves. Ironically, as much as I want to isolate and do it alone, my history has shown that's not working for me. Progress, not perfection. Lately my progress has been more awareness than action. That's okay. One day at a time.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
In case you haven't heard this one, Day One by Matthew West:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq2Tp3asLU8
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq2Tp3asLU8
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
I remember my first winter in Germany. The clouds rolled in sometime in November and didn't roll out until April. It always felt like 5:00 in the afternoon. Physically and emotionally it was like walking through molasses. I just wanted to sleep.
I didn't realize it was the Winter Blues until I felt it lift in Springtime, but the next year I was ready. I marked the Winter Solstice on my calendar. Every day after that day would be a few minutes longer, and I was determined to take notice. Believe it or not, it actually helped. I think it gave me a sense of control over what was happening. Maybe an understanding of what was happening to me on a more primal level. I liked to call it "Getting in touch with my little inner woodland creature".
I didn't realize it was the Winter Blues until I felt it lift in Springtime, but the next year I was ready. I marked the Winter Solstice on my calendar. Every day after that day would be a few minutes longer, and I was determined to take notice. Believe it or not, it actually helped. I think it gave me a sense of control over what was happening. Maybe an understanding of what was happening to me on a more primal level. I liked to call it "Getting in touch with my little inner woodland creature".
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
I used to live up north before i moved to Florida 20 years ago. I remember feeling the same way mid to late winter. Have you ever looked into seasonal affective disorder?
I think your trip to Florida will be great for you. It's sunny and about 80 degrees right now. How could that not make you feel better?
xoxo
I think your trip to Florida will be great for you. It's sunny and about 80 degrees right now. How could that not make you feel better?
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
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