I hate me
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
I hate me
I got the grade back on my A&P midterm exam. 
I got a C.
Then I took a math exam today and I know for a fact I failed. I just drew a complete blank when I had the exam in front of me. I had to leave like 4 just blank and there were only 19 questions.
UGH UGH UGH--ugh doesn't even begin to describe how I feel.
In other news- mom is gone. Thank God. She left her broke down car at my house, accused me of "running her ragged".
I have HAD to take some help from AH. He picks me up at home and drives me to class. Then I have been hanging out at HIS hotel room (while he is at work) until he can take me home. I simply CANNOT drive right now. I live 25 miles out of town, so he is the ONLY person I can ask to do this at this point.
He has been kind- not talking about coming home or anything- and he has carried my backpack inside for me and stuff- so I do appreciate that.
I think I will be ok to drive by the end of next week. I have spring break next week so I won't need a ride anywhere, thank God.
I'm starting to feel better- but my emotions are still all over the place and I'm having horrible hot-flashes.
I called to ask the nurse if this was normal (since I kept my ovaries) and if it was, how long would it last. My doctor wasn't in- so she asked the PA who asked me if I was in counseling--- man that pissed me off. I said- "is counseling going to fix my hot flashes?" I hate it when they don't listen to the whole question and just spew out some random answer...I told the nurse, I was in tune with my body enough to know that my emotions are out of whack really bad since the hyster and that the hot flashes have started since surgery as well.
Oh well, I'll just wait for my doc to get back.
The first lesson I have learned through everything is -- mom is never going to change and she will never be a "mother" to me. It is foolish to expect her to be something that she simply CANNOT be. It was MY mistake- not hers. She was just being who she normally is. I should have went with my gut and not had her come.
The second lesson I learned is that-- it's going to be ok. No matter what happens--it's going to be ok.
The past two months has brought me my husband beating me up, my husband in jail, my husband not being able to live at home, my college career kind of tanking, a hysterectomy, my mother being down, and money sucking bad.
But I have prevailed. I am still alive. I can still smile. I can still do this.
It's going to be ok.
I got a C.
Then I took a math exam today and I know for a fact I failed. I just drew a complete blank when I had the exam in front of me.
I had to leave like 4 just blank and there were only 19 questions. UGH UGH UGH--ugh doesn't even begin to describe how I feel.
In other news- mom is gone. Thank God. She left her broke down car at my house, accused me of "running her ragged".
I have HAD to take some help from AH. He picks me up at home and drives me to class. Then I have been hanging out at HIS hotel room (while he is at work) until he can take me home. I simply CANNOT drive right now. I live 25 miles out of town, so he is the ONLY person I can ask to do this at this point.
He has been kind- not talking about coming home or anything- and he has carried my backpack inside for me and stuff- so I do appreciate that.
I think I will be ok to drive by the end of next week. I have spring break next week so I won't need a ride anywhere, thank God.
I'm starting to feel better- but my emotions are still all over the place and I'm having horrible hot-flashes.
I called to ask the nurse if this was normal (since I kept my ovaries) and if it was, how long would it last. My doctor wasn't in- so she asked the PA who asked me if I was in counseling--- man that pissed me off. I said- "is counseling going to fix my hot flashes?" I hate it when they don't listen to the whole question and just spew out some random answer...I told the nurse, I was in tune with my body enough to know that my emotions are out of whack really bad since the hyster and that the hot flashes have started since surgery as well.
Oh well, I'll just wait for my doc to get back.
The first lesson I have learned through everything is -- mom is never going to change and she will never be a "mother" to me. It is foolish to expect her to be something that she simply CANNOT be. It was MY mistake- not hers. She was just being who she normally is. I should have went with my gut and not had her come.
The second lesson I learned is that-- it's going to be ok. No matter what happens--it's going to be ok.
The past two months has brought me my husband beating me up, my husband in jail, my husband not being able to live at home, my college career kind of tanking, a hysterectomy, my mother being down, and money sucking bad.
But I have prevailed. I am still alive. I can still smile. I can still do this.
It's going to be ok.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Well I admit, free, your post ended up being a LOT more positive and affirming than the thread title led me to believe it would be!
You've been through more in two months than most people deal with in a decade, and you have set dare-I-say impossible expectations of yourself when it comes to doing and handling everything you've had to do and handle. Please give yourself some credit, and a break. You're kind of my hero right now.
You've been through more in two months than most people deal with in a decade, and you have set dare-I-say impossible expectations of yourself when it comes to doing and handling everything you've had to do and handle. Please give yourself some credit, and a break. You're kind of my hero right now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
EFF YES YOU CAN DO THIS.
Check it out -
Your husbands deal is his - you've handled your position in it with more grace, logic and strength than I could hope to have.
Your college career isn't tanking - one average test score and one bomber...pshhh...thats nothing you can't recover from. I don't know how school WOULDN'T suffer with all you have going on. Talk to your advisor - I was a $h!t in college - my grandparents died like 5 times in 3 years....and my advisor helped me get my crap grades better all 5 times. I am going to hell for that, I know.
You gave your mom another chance to be a mom when you needed her. Sucks she isn't, but what a great person you are for giving her the chance.
On money - it comes and goes. Being broke makes me find cheap fun things to do. I looke back on my yearly (and sometimes biannual and quarterly) brokeness with fond memories every time.
On your guts - you keep taking care of yourself and heal up. I hope your doc is better than the PA. I think you should let your doc know that her PA should be in counseling for being passive aggressive and possibly projecting at patients ...
You are exactly right. You just keep kicking @$s. Everything will fall into place.
We friggin love you!
Check it out -
Your husbands deal is his - you've handled your position in it with more grace, logic and strength than I could hope to have.
Your college career isn't tanking - one average test score and one bomber...pshhh...thats nothing you can't recover from. I don't know how school WOULDN'T suffer with all you have going on. Talk to your advisor - I was a $h!t in college - my grandparents died like 5 times in 3 years....and my advisor helped me get my crap grades better all 5 times. I am going to hell for that, I know.
You gave your mom another chance to be a mom when you needed her. Sucks she isn't, but what a great person you are for giving her the chance.
On money - it comes and goes. Being broke makes me find cheap fun things to do. I looke back on my yearly (and sometimes biannual and quarterly) brokeness with fond memories every time.
On your guts - you keep taking care of yourself and heal up. I hope your doc is better than the PA. I think you should let your doc know that her PA should be in counseling for being passive aggressive and possibly projecting at patients ...
The second lesson I learned is that-- it's going to be ok. No matter what happens--it's going to be ok.
I hate me
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by firebolt 
EFF YES YOU CAN DO THIS.
Check it out -
Your husbands deal is his - you've handled your position in it with more grace, logic and strength than I could hope to have.
Your college career isn't tanking - one average test score and one bomber...pshhh...thats nothing you can't recover from. I don't know how school WOULDN'T suffer with all you have going on. Talk to your advisor - I was a $h!t in college - my grandparents died like 5 times in 3 years....and my advisor helped me get my crap grades better all 5 times. I am going to hell for that, I know.
You gave your mom another chance to be a mom when you needed her. Sucks she isn't, but what a great person you are for giving her the chance.
On money - it comes and goes. Being broke makes me find cheap fun things to do. I looke back on my yearly (and sometimes biannual and quarterly) brokeness with fond memories every time.
On your guts - you keep taking care of yourself and heal up. I hope your doc is better than the PA. I think you should let your doc know that her PA should be in counseling for being passive aggressive and possibly projecting at patients ...
You are exactly right. You just keep kicking @$s. Everything will fall into place.
We friggin love you!
Check it out -
Your husbands deal is his - you've handled your position in it with more grace, logic and strength than I could hope to have.
Your college career isn't tanking - one average test score and one bomber...pshhh...thats nothing you can't recover from. I don't know how school WOULDN'T suffer with all you have going on. Talk to your advisor - I was a $h!t in college - my grandparents died like 5 times in 3 years....and my advisor helped me get my crap grades better all 5 times. I am going to hell for that, I know.
You gave your mom another chance to be a mom when you needed her. Sucks she isn't, but what a great person you are for giving her the chance.
On money - it comes and goes. Being broke makes me find cheap fun things to do. I looke back on my yearly (and sometimes biannual and quarterly) brokeness with fond memories every time.
On your guts - you keep taking care of yourself and heal up. I hope your doc is better than the PA. I think you should let your doc know that her PA should be in counseling for being passive aggressive and possibly projecting at patients ...
You are exactly right. You just keep kicking @$s. Everything will fall into place.
We friggin love you!
You are learning & growing & going through all of the pains that it involves to make major life changes like this.
What's that saying? When you find yourself going through hell, the best thing to do is to KEEP GOING.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Babe, you are doing all you can to get yourself through this, and that is wonderful! I agree with Firebolt too! You are awesome. You have went through some hard stuff and will come out just fine on the other side!
Much love and many hugs coming your way! XXX
Much love and many hugs coming your way! XXX
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hugs, I wish you would have postponed the test, but a couple of lousy test scores won't derail you. I remember almost not graduating college because I took my one remaining science course (organic chem) as pass-fail, but it was an 8 am course and of course I was too busy partying to ever get up for it. I went into the final exam with an F and I must have aced the final because I passed the course and graduated on time.
I don't like the idea of your hanging out in your husband's hotel room while you're waiting for a ride home. Can't you hang out at the school and have him pick you up there? I don't like your being alone with him where there is nobody nearby to help if you need it. And please, whatever you do, do NOT feel you "owe" him something for these rides. You are caring for his children, which is payment enough for anything he ever did for you.
I don't like the idea of your hanging out in your husband's hotel room while you're waiting for a ride home. Can't you hang out at the school and have him pick you up there? I don't like your being alone with him where there is nobody nearby to help if you need it. And please, whatever you do, do NOT feel you "owe" him something for these rides. You are caring for his children, which is payment enough for anything he ever did for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
You know, the fact that you're even standing and fighting -- after all the BS you've dealt with, after the surgery, after your mom... that's some testimony to your inner strength.
So a couple of cruddy test scores. Meh. Details.
You rock. Plain and simple.
So a couple of cruddy test scores. Meh. Details.
You rock. Plain and simple.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 114
Free, just wanted to say I went to nursing school many moons ago. I remember A&P being one of the hardest courses for me. I think the fact you were able to complete your midterm so soon after surgery is amazing. I am with everyone else in saying you are doing awesome!! Take care of yourself and try and let the rest go! Just a thought could you ask your math prof for a rewrite in a week or so? Hope your body starts feeling better!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Originally Posted by LexieCat
Hugs, I wish you would have postponed the test, but a couple of lousy test scores won't derail you. I remember almost not graduating college because I took my one remaining science course (organic chem) as pass-fail, but it was an 8 am course and of course I was too busy partying to ever get up for it. I went into the final exam with an F and I must have aced the final because I passed the course and graduated on time.
I don't like the idea of your hanging out in your husband's hotel room while you're waiting for a ride home. Can't you hang out at the school and have him pick you up there? I don't like your being alone with him where there is nobody nearby to help if you need it. And please, whatever you do, do NOT feel you "owe" him something for these rides. You are caring for his children, which is payment enough for anything he ever did for you.
I don't like the idea of your hanging out in your husband's hotel room while you're waiting for a ride home. Can't you hang out at the school and have him pick you up there? I don't like your being alone with him where there is nobody nearby to help if you need it. And please, whatever you do, do NOT feel you "owe" him something for these rides. You are caring for his children, which is payment enough for anything he ever did for you.
I COULD potentially hang out at the school, but I gotta admit that by the time classes are over, I am just wiped out. I have needed a nap EVERY day since surgery. I am being careful. He's not even coming into his room except to take my back pack in and take my backpack out. I'm sure he thinks his niceness it's scoring him big time points, but its not, I assure you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'd feel better if you got OUT of the room before he comes in, you know? Or how about this--keep your cell phone dialed to the front desk. Maybe let them know that you have a "history" and that, while you don't expect any trouble, if they ever get a call from your number without a response they should come up and just make sure everything is OK.
I'm all about these contingency plans. Here's my thinking. You're alone in a hotel room. What if something makes him suspicious you're entertaining someone while he's at work? I KNOW that the way you're feeling right now you couldn't fool around if you wanted to, but he's so irrational about that stuff that I wouldn't count on him not to get suspicious and mean.
I'll be so glad when you don't have to count on anyone but your own bad self.
I'm all about these contingency plans. Here's my thinking. You're alone in a hotel room. What if something makes him suspicious you're entertaining someone while he's at work? I KNOW that the way you're feeling right now you couldn't fool around if you wanted to, but he's so irrational about that stuff that I wouldn't count on him not to get suspicious and mean.
I'll be so glad when you don't have to count on anyone but your own bad self.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Agreed. I'm sure he just feels wonderful about helping out his poor helpless wife.
I will keep the front desk number handy. The owner already knows that he is here because he can't come home, so it will be easy to make the arrangement.
I should only be relatively helpless for another week. If I can jump up and down without it hurting or causing me to guard my tummy muscles then I'm clear to drive. I haven't even ATTEMPTED this yet! Just the thought is painful. Ha!
I will keep the front desk number handy. The owner already knows that he is here because he can't come home, so it will be easy to make the arrangement.
I should only be relatively helpless for another week. If I can jump up and down without it hurting or causing me to guard my tummy muscles then I'm clear to drive. I haven't even ATTEMPTED this yet! Just the thought is painful. Ha!
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Tell you what, if you put in the best you've got for the rest of this semester, I won't throw in the towel on this real ******* of a quarter, either. You are doing remarkably well, but I worry about you not properly because you're not resting. Please take care of yourself!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Originally Posted by NWGRITS
Tell you what, if you put in the best you've got for the rest of this semester, I won't throw in the towel on this real ******* of a quarter, either. You are doing remarkably well, but I worry about you not properly because you're not resting. Please take care of yourself!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Free, I think maybe it's time you get yourself a theme song. So strap on your roller skates. I thought this would be a good one: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZGwHtGBZJU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZGwHtGBZJU
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'd wait a couple more weeks before attempting the skates, personally...
But what is it about the skates? Here's another classic anthem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAzXKrMnNkk
Of course, that was before he started cooking meth...
But what is it about the skates? Here's another classic anthem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAzXKrMnNkk
Of course, that was before he started cooking meth...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Brilliant, Lexie!!!!
Ok Free,
While you work on healing your body and upping your grades, Lexie and I will work on the soundtrack to the movie of your life. I hope you don't mind a decidedly seventies-ish quality to the music. That could be because Lexie and I are a bit older, or it could be because we're just really really cool, or it could be because the seventies knew something about addiction. Not sure, but I think it's probably 'cuz we're cool.
Ok Free,
While you work on healing your body and upping your grades, Lexie and I will work on the soundtrack to the movie of your life. I hope you don't mind a decidedly seventies-ish quality to the music. That could be because Lexie and I are a bit older, or it could be because we're just really really cool, or it could be because the seventies knew something about addiction. Not sure, but I think it's probably 'cuz we're cool.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
