Just had interesting thought
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Just had interesting thought
Just wondering from all of you, do you see more male alcoholism in families where the wife works vs stay at home? My ex used to complain (King baby) that I didn't take care of him enough....as if that was my job...I felt guilty for a long time that with my job and taking care of kids that I couldn't spend time with him and be a "good wife". (I know this is not true...and nothing I did or didn't do could have changed the outcome) I recall him telling me a lot, "all I need from you is to feed me and f**k me". Uh huh. Lovely. It always made me wonder if at an evolutionary level that men are inherently happier with their lives with their wife at home (and possibly less alcoholism????) My ex always wanted me to stay at home....said he would be happier if I did that (again-no guilt on my part that anything I did caused his drinking to progress).
Just wondering...one of those random questions that just popped into my head....
Just wondering...one of those random questions that just popped into my head....
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Alcoholism does not discriminate by race, creed, gender, religion, sexuality or economic status.
Be careful not to torture yourself with the idea that you could have done something differently to manage his alcoholism.
Be careful not to torture yourself with the idea that you could have done something differently to manage his alcoholism.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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I've worked outside the home and I've been a stay-at-home, and both ways my AH felt I was not doing as much as he thought I should be doing (otherwise he would never "need" to drink, right?). My AH is a "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" type. He loves to tell me how miserable a life he has.
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foroutgirls...I don't think that makes any difference. I have seen families where there is multigenerational alcoholism and all of the women were stay-at-home.
As to your second question....I do think that in some cases, a partner may feel like they can't leave because they do not have enough marketable skills to support the family, alone.
dandylion
***Mr Quackerson should just shut his bill....
As to your second question....I do think that in some cases, a partner may feel like they can't leave because they do not have enough marketable skills to support the family, alone.
dandylion
***Mr Quackerson should just shut his bill....
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From an evolutionary perspective it used to be that way. And women were farmers, care takers, doctors.... we did everything for the home except hunt.
But it hasn't been like that in ages. And evolutionarily speaking, some people still feel that the old way is best. Except it gets confused as to what a woman's role actually was. I.E. MORE than just a cook and sexual device.
As for alcoholics and abuse? It would be easier for a woman to leave the relationship if she were financially independent.
But it hasn't been like that in ages. And evolutionarily speaking, some people still feel that the old way is best. Except it gets confused as to what a woman's role actually was. I.E. MORE than just a cook and sexual device.
As for alcoholics and abuse? It would be easier for a woman to leave the relationship if she were financially independent.
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Originally Posted by Eauchiche 
No matter how bad a relationship gets, they still want their sex.
Dog-gone-dest thing I have ever heard of!!!
Dog-gone-dest thing I have ever heard of!!!
While I do recognize that I am quite different from most men I know, I found that towards the later stages of my relationship with my ex wife, I was completely repulsed by her when she would be drunk. Her drunkenness often came with the desire to verbally lash out at someone, and there would be times where she would sit opposite from me on the sofa and say terrible things to me all night, and then when I went to bed she would try to forcefully be intimate with me. If I protested, she'd be quick to point out that if I didn't give her what she wanted... in her own words: "I can go to the bar and **** any guy, I don't have to **** you!" So yeah, not all guys operate on that level.
Alcoholics, keeping it classy since ancient Mesopotamia. I'd like to say that I can't believe he'd say something like that to you, Forourgirls, but unfortunately my experience tells me otherwise when it comes to drunks.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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No matter what you do, most As will blame it on it not being the opposite.
My exBF used to tell me that he drank because he was lonely at night. I work a lot of nights and weekends and will not be in a financial situation to leave my job for many years (job pays well, but I owe a lot of student loans). I used to remind him that even if we were married, he'd spend evenings alone. His response, "But it would be different..."
I didn't stick around to find out.
My exBF used to tell me that he drank because he was lonely at night. I work a lot of nights and weekends and will not be in a financial situation to leave my job for many years (job pays well, but I owe a lot of student loans). I used to remind him that even if we were married, he'd spend evenings alone. His response, "But it would be different..."
I didn't stick around to find out.
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And yes, thomas45, disgusting. Gee, I wonder why our sex life was so lacking....maybe bc he abandoned me every night to spend time with his wife, alcohol, left me crying inside on some nights, bitched at me when he would come to bed drunk and I didn't want his hands on me....and of course when drunk, told me such lovelies as previously posted. Yes-sign me up for sex with this man!!! Addiction is horrible. Awful. Thankful I got out.
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And back to my original question, yes it is evident that they think if just everything was "perfect" then they wouldn't have to drink. Thankful to have financial independence and support to change the course of my life and our girls.
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I say no, because I was a stay-at-home mom, always volunteering at school, took my kids to activities, played with them. One would think that would be some kind of insurance. Turns out I have one well-adjusted child and one alcoholic. Upbringings were basically the same. My husband and I rarely drink. Just luck of the draw I guess.
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I think there are some who are the sole breadwinners who use that as a huge form of manipulation. It always makes me so sad to read on there women who are stuck b/c they stay home with their babies and have no income outside of him. It's scary. It should not have to be, but there it is.
I also think an alcoholic will say and do quite anything to justify their drinking, especially in their own mind.
Just my .02
I also think an alcoholic will say and do quite anything to justify their drinking, especially in their own mind.
Just my .02
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Originally Posted by Forourgirls
And back to my original question, yes it is evident that they think if just everything was "perfect" then they wouldn't have to drink.
I have been fantasizing lately about opening a detention facility way out in the desert for them- too far away to buy alcohol and no way to make it. We would end up with 100% sobriety in a very short time.
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