Butterfly

As you know my stbxah has always parked in front of my house when collecting DS for school in the morning and I always hid in the house so I wouldn't see hi and him me. I always thought or hoped he parked directly so he could see me if I did come tot he door.

Well last week I decided I wasn't hiding away from him anymore and went to the door to see of DS for 2 days. He is now parking away from the house so he can't see me.

I'm feeling so foolish for allowing myself to think, hope he wanted to see me and that was why he parked directly in front of the house.

I know this is silly to get so upset over this but it has me back thinking what did I do so wrong that he wants nothing to do with me, I can't seem to shift this thought!!!!

FeelingGreat

Hi Butterfly, been there myself long ago. Hard as it seems, try to be very disciplined about seeing him or thinking about him. The only way you can break free is to stay as far away as you can, and have no expectations. He can't give you what you want, and that's probably why he's taken this step.

Are you able to talk to your doctor about these continuing feelings, which aren't showing signs of receding? When I was in your situation my doctor referred me to week-long psychological workshop and it made a huge difference to me. I really think the once a week sessions aren't enough and you'd benefit from a more intensive course.

eyeoftheholder

Butterfly please don't feel foolish it's just a head game means nothing
Detach detach detach!
Never mind him!
If he wants you for some reason let him find you!
It's just the push pull of the elastic band effect!
You were not foolish probably curious!
Forget it!

SeriousKarma

Why must "foolish' be your go to emotion here, Butterfly? Think about it. That's your mind playing tricks on yourself. The truth is you have no idea what's in his head any more than he has what's in yours.

Letting go of their "thoughts" is part of the process. It can be quite freeing if you let it be. It's another (baby) step toward you becoming a stronger person. You have no idea what he's thinking and you really shouldn't give a d@mn. You can't control it anyway.

As far as the "foolishness" of being incorrect (if you were incorrect), that's just plain silly. Maybe you were right. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe you were kinda, sorta, partially right and wrong at the same time. But you were not foolish. Thinking that way can be foolish, though. So be careful with those kinds of negative thoughts.

((((((hugs))))))

hopeful4

Butterfly, have you thought that maybe it's guilt on his part. Out of sight, out of mind type of thing. Please stop this. Stop trying to gage what his thoughts are, as it simply does not matter.

Tight hugs. I know it's hard, but you are doing good. Keep it in perspective my friend!

LexieCat

Seems to me this is just an extension of the "no contact" position he's taken on phone calls, etc. And it sounds to me as if a lot of your upset about this comes from the fact that you were still HOPING he secretly wants you back. So you hit a "reality bump."

It's OK--these feelings don't die easily. Keep working on them, you'll get better!

Florence

You're putting an awful lot of meaning into where your alcoholic ex parks his car!

Imagine for a moment he wanted you back. For what? What would this mean for you? You'd have the opportunity to be with a shady alcoholic that abandoned and terrorized you? Whee!

For me, "acceptance" was the most difficult part of all of this. Don't try to read his mind, keep your eye on the facts, and the facts are that even if you two were deeply in love, his behavior would still be 100% unacceptable for you and your daughter. The facts are where you have to make your decisions with this guy.

Sungrl

Take the high road.

Be the mature party ( you are both adults with a history and children)
step out on the porch and wave good morning.

Stop hiding, personally it think it will help you. You can't just make each other disappear because you hide from one another.

Just my opinion but even though your children are adults you are connected through them. There will be future events that require both your presence.

Start now and be the mature one. I don't know , I'm just rambling.

Stop obsessing over every move he makes and concentrate on having a great day!

FindingMe2

Butterfly, he is a selfish COWARD!! He can not face you. He can not face himself, hence the need to self medicate aka drink!

My STBXH told me that his disease hated me. I believe that.

Please don't look for validation of your self worth by someone who is functionally insane!!

Have you read any books yet? Break up books, codependent books? It wasn't until I really got disciplined with myself, that I started to make progress. Therapy alone was not enough for me.

SparkleKitty

We have to accept ourselves, B. "Foolish" is a judgment. You thought what you thought -- rather than try to change the past, you can accept that is where you are right now and stop assigning such a negative spin to it. After so many years of marriage and such back and forth drama it's reasonable for your thoughts, hopes, and feelings to be a bit all-over-the-place when it comes to him.

You don't do yourself any favors beating yourself up. You only create an internal atmosphere of shame and worthlessness. You deserve better.

Refiner

Hi, Butterfly... I think you need to look at your footnote of your posts again (wink wink) "God sometimes removes people from your life to protect you.......Don't run after them!


Turn the pain into power"