Fez

I have not had much contact with my XAH. When I have spoke with him it has been about our children or family. I have even been dating. When I said no contact with him, I told him to give me 12 weeks. That will be up around April.

Yesterday when I spoke with him he mentioned that he is not drinking near the amount he was during the week. I told him that was good. I then asked him if he was still going to any AA meetings, and he said yes- he planned to when the weather was better. The one thing he said got me- I don't want to completely quick drinking, I want to still drink some on the weekends.

He is no where near beginning recovery is he?

I want him to have recovery, as I want it for myself. I have no intentions of ever going back to him. (I think he thinks we still may have a chance). I feel so bad for him. He is desperately looking for my replacement. (co-dependent)

Just wanted to share and see if my gut is in the right place.

Thank you all, and I love reading the posts and am so thankful I found this forum. I believe it was Divine intervention that I found you all.

Hawkeye13

Sounds like your gut is spot on. . .
First off, he is still drinking. Cutting down isn't quitting.
He is not attending AA because of the weather--oh please. . .
Also, wanting to drink "some on the weekends" is nothing like recovery if he's truly an A.
(We don't actually have an off switch with a "some" setting. Tends to jump to "all" )

Trust yourself Fez

CodeJob

It sounds like the moderation theory enrolled another. It might buy him enough stabilization to get another partner.

RollTide

"going to any AA meetings, and he said yes- he planned to"

"I don't want to completely quick drinking"

Sadly he's being honest with you. Your gut is correct.

This place was an enormous tool for me when I was going through the craziness. We are glad you are here.

dandylion

lol! LOL!, Codejob. Moderation theory is the most popular theory in town.................lol..

dandylion

knowthetriggers

My AH thinks he can drink in moderation too. It must be a pretty popular club!

NYCDoglvr

He's in typical denial about his drinking. Alcoholics can't cut back, they can't drink normally. He's going to AA, but cutting back? Nooooo, I don't think so. You're on the right track and I suggest keeping personal exchanges to a minimum. Good luck

lillamy

Yeah, I'd give him 12 months with absolutely no contact except what is absolutely necessary to handle the children. And then see where he's at. Doesn't sound like he's anywhere close to having insight into his addiction.

gettingstronger

He sounds like my AH, still wanting to drink, unwilling to accept that it's not a long-term possibility for him. *No where near recovery!*

The "drinking some on the weekends" will slide into Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. Then he'll add in the occasional Thursday and Monday. Then he'll have a hard week, and it will be Tuesday and Wednesday, too, just to get over "this rough patch". And before he knows it, he'll be back where he had been. It's sneaky like that.

You can't make him get sober, but you can protect your kids, and prepare them to handle issues with their dad when they are adults.

I found SR to be a life-saver, too. It is so helpful to hear from others some of the exact same stuff that I'm dealing with. It keeps me from thinking that I'm the one in the wrong. I'm glad to read your story. It helps me with my AH.

Take good care of yourself and kids!

TJD912

God gives us our gut feelings for a reason. No self-doubt...you are spot on.

maia1234

I talked to an A about this, and he explained to me what happens when you leave your A.
- there is 2 options for the A -
1. find another enabler
2. Grow up and sober up.

Those were his life lessons on being an active A. We justify the A's behavior because they are alcoholics. They act immature and do immature things, and get away with it, because they are alcoholics.

((((((hugs)))))))))))