Not doing good!!!
 

Im so frustrated I accidentally posted this in the completely wrong forum and feel stupid lol but its funny i guess... that im that frustrated I wasnt even paying attention... So I copied it and messaged the mod hopefully they will delete it but here it is!!!

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Hey all... its been about a week and a half or so... I was managing being away from my A but now its all down the toliet.

Last wednesday i was asleep at my grandmas because my toddler had been sickall day then I feel a tapping on my leg and someone saying brittany. I didnt have on my glasses but there at the foot of the bed looked like my delightful honey............................... Who said I looked like a dragon lady as I jumped up out of the bed.

We talked for a good 4 or 5 hours afterwards. He was sad. I told him he needed help he agreed. He got a new job finally making decent money. I told him though no matter what he did he needed some kind of program. Well lo and behold he still loves me... he said hes a f*** up... he doesnt know how to get over alcohol (i told him to educate himself first of all)... and la dee da. He eventually had to leave he was really sad pretty much the whole time. Im really stressed out.

Well... I didnt unblock him or the phone numbers after he left... Until today and now im freaking out... im sad... im depressed... im just all around blah.... idk what to do or how to handle any of what i thought i was just getting a handle on. I miss him even though hes a POS.... Its just no bueno. I feel like I should just give up on life in general because its utterly hopeless...

I know it sounds silly and feelings are not facts im just in a rut and idk how to get my focus back. Its just all gone. Im lonely and sad all over again. Ive done this millions of times before why is it fresh everytime? -Sigh-

Ill be honest I dont want to boot him out of my life. I dont. I love him very very much even though I shouldnt and he far from deserves it and the only way I can handle this is to stay the flip away from him but when he hunts me down and agrees he needs help? Hes never done any of this before. I build up defenses and get hit with a whole new offense its crap. I was reallly happy to see him but now im just angry.

He gets to go and do whatever he wants because hes an out of control drunk meanwhile im left with all the responibility and he has the gumption to march back and say all these sweet things and here i am... still in the same old funk. I hate this planet.

Were you able to get some sleep tonight? I'm sorry you're having to deal with this and that your toddler is ill.

Do you have any Alanon meetings nearby? Sounds like maybe some in person contact from those who understand could be useful.

Baby steps. Breath deeply. It sounds like you're having some very natural reactions to this.

Maybe your own words can help?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-today-_.html

Was he really looking for help - AA, a licensed addictions counselor, rehab, a detox center, etc. and wanting a ride there - or is he looking for his drape? Is he wanting you back so he can supposedly be okay?

What's helped me when I'm tailspinning is prayer, writing down a list of things I'm thankful for, and writing down a few simple things I can control.

(((Hugs)))

Is this the first time you've ever held firm to not having contact with him?

Typically, the addict will try to reel you back in with new promises, etc.
Read some other posts and you'll see this is true and not really unique.

Actions are what counts.
If he means it, he will get sober and work a program on his own and respect your distance--other than that, I wouldn't take this as anything else than not respecting your boundary.

Sorry to be a downer, but I'm on both sides of the fence and as a former addict,
I would promise the moon to get the status quo back.
Until I was ready to back my words with real action in working a program and maintaining sobriety over time, it meant absolutely nothing.

Sounds like he's doing the same.

But what's the point of reeling people back in? I mean if I die hard enabled him I get it but I don't. May have a bit in the beginning 3 years ago but once I figured out what I was dealing with my enabling halted (a process).

And no this is not the first time I've gone no contact with him it is in fact the second.

And thank you keepingthefaith for pasting my past thread. It helped to a degree.