A Particular Concept...?
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 190
A Particular Concept...?
Hello everyone!
I have been trying to remember where I saw this post, and I can't really do a search because the keyword is too general!
Basically the concept is something like using general pronouns instead of I to distance oneself from feelings or happenings.
Does anyone know the specific post I'm thinking of? It was really helpful and I would love to read it again.
I got called out for this during my acting class today, and I know it's something I do a lot. So, I want to learn more about it and catch myself so I can understand better where I'm at.
Does anyone have insights on this? A similar experience? Ways to combat it?
Thanks!
I have been trying to remember where I saw this post, and I can't really do a search because the keyword is too general!
Basically the concept is something like using general pronouns instead of I to distance oneself from feelings or happenings.
Does anyone know the specific post I'm thinking of? It was really helpful and I would love to read it again.
I got called out for this during my acting class today, and I know it's something I do a lot. So, I want to learn more about it and catch myself so I can understand better where I'm at.
Does anyone have insights on this? A similar experience? Ways to combat it?
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
"I" is the 1st person subject / Agent pronoun
The one doing the action, the visible actor.
"One" or "You" is 3rd person, but can be a subject / Agent
yet there is some distance. Some "distance" is achieved by
referring to "you" doing this or that, meaning yourself but externalizing it to a
hypothetical "other".
"One should take care of oneself" or "You should listen to your gut"
is like giving advice to another person even if you mean it (generalized) about yourself and your own situation.
Not sure about the post you mean or if this is what you are thinking about, but
it is pretty common in Linguistics. Another one I like is the effaced subject--
"My feelings were hurt." (by someone)
instead of "X hurt my feelings."
Codies and ACOAs likely use this kind of sentence structure to avoid
assigning "blame" to their qualifier or to avoid accepting their own feelings.
That's how I used it most often.
Good you are paying attention to this. Seems small but makes our individual realities.
Hang in there Spalding and you will find freedom and the "I" inside of you
The one doing the action, the visible actor.
"One" or "You" is 3rd person, but can be a subject / Agent
yet there is some distance. Some "distance" is achieved by
referring to "you" doing this or that, meaning yourself but externalizing it to a
hypothetical "other".
"One should take care of oneself" or "You should listen to your gut"
is like giving advice to another person even if you mean it (generalized) about yourself and your own situation.
Not sure about the post you mean or if this is what you are thinking about, but
it is pretty common in Linguistics. Another one I like is the effaced subject--
"My feelings were hurt." (by someone)
instead of "X hurt my feelings."
Codies and ACOAs likely use this kind of sentence structure to avoid
assigning "blame" to their qualifier or to avoid accepting their own feelings.
That's how I used it most often.
Good you are paying attention to this. Seems small but makes our individual realities.
Hang in there Spalding and you will find freedom and the "I" inside of you
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 190
I found it! http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tml#post990160
Some good quotes:
GingerM:
DesertEyes:
Take a read through the rest of the thread, it's really insightful!
Some good quotes:
GingerM:
Another take on "I" statements.
When I first started counselling in my late teens/early 20s, the counsellor picked up immediately on the fact that I never said "I experienced this and it scares me to death". For instance, I wouldn't say "I was swarmed by wasps and now am so scared of anything wasp-like that I'll freeze and stop breathing". Instead, I would say "If you're swarmed by wasps, you become afraid of them".
It was a way of distancing myself from ..well..myself. If I took ownership of what I was feeling, it was that much harder for me to deal with. I wasn't ready or capable of accepting what I needed to accept, especially in a theraputic session where things can get pretty touchy.
The point to this post, I suppose, is to say there are two kinds of 'I' statements:
1. The most common is to say "you're doing this to me", not "I feel this way"
2. Lesser common, but equally important, is to discuss yourself and your feelings in 'you' statements rather than owning what you're feeling. I used the 'you' pronoun so that I didn't have to say "I'm hurt, confused, depressed, feeling rotten about my life, and I don't know why and I don't know what to do". By using "you", I could keep all that at bay, continue to put on my happy face and pretend everything was alright, and not face the things I needed to face the most.
I still catch myself (mostly in a theraputic setting) using 'you' when I really mean 'I'.
When I first started counselling in my late teens/early 20s, the counsellor picked up immediately on the fact that I never said "I experienced this and it scares me to death". For instance, I wouldn't say "I was swarmed by wasps and now am so scared of anything wasp-like that I'll freeze and stop breathing". Instead, I would say "If you're swarmed by wasps, you become afraid of them".
It was a way of distancing myself from ..well..myself. If I took ownership of what I was feeling, it was that much harder for me to deal with. I wasn't ready or capable of accepting what I needed to accept, especially in a theraputic session where things can get pretty touchy.
The point to this post, I suppose, is to say there are two kinds of 'I' statements:
1. The most common is to say "you're doing this to me", not "I feel this way"
2. Lesser common, but equally important, is to discuss yourself and your feelings in 'you' statements rather than owning what you're feeling. I used the 'you' pronoun so that I didn't have to say "I'm hurt, confused, depressed, feeling rotten about my life, and I don't know why and I don't know what to do". By using "you", I could keep all that at bay, continue to put on my happy face and pretend everything was alright, and not face the things I needed to face the most.
I still catch myself (mostly in a theraputic setting) using 'you' when I really mean 'I'.
I learned a lesson, a long time ago, from an old man by the name of Chuck C. He told me that the way to find people in the program who were less sick than I, the people I should listen to and stay close to, was to count their pronouns. He told me that I should listen to them speak (this was in the days before the web) and count how many times they used the pronoun _I_ instead of any other pronoun. If those people said "I felt / learned / did / changed " then those people had a lesson for me to learn. He told me that those people who said "you should...", "he did...", "they need..." were not speaking from their personal experience, but were trying to force me to learn lessons that were not mine to learn.
Ever since I have focused on my own pronouns. I still catch myself using the other ones, but with every time I share I do better. I know I have the best of intentions, but every time I fail to use the "I" pronoun when sharing with another person in pain I end up making a mess of things.
Ever since I have focused on my own pronouns. I still catch myself using the other ones, but with every time I share I do better. I know I have the best of intentions, but every time I fail to use the "I" pronoun when sharing with another person in pain I end up making a mess of things.
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