Now he's emailing me denying the Vegas wedding
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Jodie;
If he did it to his first wife and you. he will do it again and again. it's his pattern. The new wife will find this out sooner than later. He was cheating with her on you, now he is "married" less than a month and being dishonest and emotionally cheating on her already.
Of course it is abusive and rude of him to continue to try to have contact with you. He wants to be the center of attention and you didn't give him that.
I would save the emails in a separate folder in case you need to take out a restraining order. This idiot may escalate his behavior in the future and you will need proof.
I hope that YOU are doing well and try to relax.
If he did it to his first wife and you. he will do it again and again. it's his pattern. The new wife will find this out sooner than later. He was cheating with her on you, now he is "married" less than a month and being dishonest and emotionally cheating on her already.
Of course it is abusive and rude of him to continue to try to have contact with you. He wants to be the center of attention and you didn't give him that.
I would save the emails in a separate folder in case you need to take out a restraining order. This idiot may escalate his behavior in the future and you will need proof.
I hope that YOU are doing well and try to relax.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
Thank you ALL as always 
I think he assumes he is blocked because I never told him OR he created a fake account to email me in case I saved the email he can say, "That's not even my email address! I never sent that to her. She made that up herself." He covers his tracks.
I think he assumes he is blocked because I never told him OR he created a fake account to email me in case I saved the email he can say, "That's not even my email address! I never sent that to her. She made that up herself." He covers his tracks.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I didn't respond. The entirety of the email was basically about how he misses our sex life. Dude is married now. And denying it. Moved in with her this weekend. I have not responded to anything. What is the point in his emailing me if he is MARRIED and everyone knows?! His intentions are with her yet he said he misses me more than words.
He's Bipolar.
He's likely Borderline.
Do not be surprised about anything.
Jodie, change your phone number (as there are ways to get around the block). Filter his email. If he persists, take out a RO. Do not play games with this creep.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Jodie, I am thankful you are working on you.
You sound a whole lot more grounded than you have been.
Fancy may be wise in just filing these emails for a time in case things escalate and you do have to file a RO.
You sound a whole lot more grounded than you have been.
Fancy may be wise in just filing these emails for a time in case things escalate and you do have to file a RO.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Jodie,
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I would strongly advice that if you respond to this and all, the reply would be, DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN.
Then I would save ever email he sent from that time on, and also any prior emails, or vm's that you have, and be prepared to file a Restraining Order.
You are not dealing with a normal person. Very strong possibility this person has a personality disorder. People with personality disorders do not see you as a person, they only see you as something that can be used and discarded whenever they have a need. It appears to me that he is trying to set you up as his replacement, just like he had his wife set up as your replacement. Then he'll just recycle the two of you, or perhaps there are even more.
I am not labeling, nor diagnosing. Borderline Personality Disorder though is a strong possibility. They have a fear of rejection and abandonment, even though they are usually the one that rejects and abandons.
I'm just going to say to be really careful here. I know you broke up with him this time, but he had his replacement in place. You were not on his mind then at all. He is also not used to hearing a "NO" from you. Anytime he tried to make up, you were always there for him. This time you won't be. This is going to be a change for him. Something that you are not use to and something he is not use to. You don't really know how he will react in this situation, but from what you wrote in your prior threads about how he treated you, I would be very careful.
I would suggest reading "The Gift of Fear".
Don't even attempt to try to figure out what he is doing, because you will most likely be wrong. You can't think the same way that a person with a possible personality disorder does. Above all, do not assume that he has normal thinking skills. He most likely doesn't.
I cannot simply respond, and say, Oh, the games people play now, every night and every day now. This isn't a game!!!!!! It could be your life.
Please don't feel honored that he is trying to contact you. Feel afraid that he contacted you, and work with that.
If he continues to contact you, he could be stalking.
I know how much you loved him, and in someway he loved you, but it was more like a possession type thing, he wasn't seeing you as a person. He doesn't see his wife as a person either. It appears that he is using her, just like he used every other woman he has been with, and discarded.
Take care, and be safe.
amy
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I would strongly advice that if you respond to this and all, the reply would be, DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN.
Then I would save ever email he sent from that time on, and also any prior emails, or vm's that you have, and be prepared to file a Restraining Order.
You are not dealing with a normal person. Very strong possibility this person has a personality disorder. People with personality disorders do not see you as a person, they only see you as something that can be used and discarded whenever they have a need. It appears to me that he is trying to set you up as his replacement, just like he had his wife set up as your replacement. Then he'll just recycle the two of you, or perhaps there are even more.
I am not labeling, nor diagnosing. Borderline Personality Disorder though is a strong possibility. They have a fear of rejection and abandonment, even though they are usually the one that rejects and abandons.
I'm just going to say to be really careful here. I know you broke up with him this time, but he had his replacement in place. You were not on his mind then at all. He is also not used to hearing a "NO" from you. Anytime he tried to make up, you were always there for him. This time you won't be. This is going to be a change for him. Something that you are not use to and something he is not use to. You don't really know how he will react in this situation, but from what you wrote in your prior threads about how he treated you, I would be very careful.
I would suggest reading "The Gift of Fear".
Don't even attempt to try to figure out what he is doing, because you will most likely be wrong. You can't think the same way that a person with a possible personality disorder does. Above all, do not assume that he has normal thinking skills. He most likely doesn't.
I cannot simply respond, and say, Oh, the games people play now, every night and every day now. This isn't a game!!!!!! It could be your life.
Please don't feel honored that he is trying to contact you. Feel afraid that he contacted you, and work with that.
If he continues to contact you, he could be stalking.
I know how much you loved him, and in someway he loved you, but it was more like a possession type thing, he wasn't seeing you as a person. He doesn't see his wife as a person either. It appears that he is using her, just like he used every other woman he has been with, and discarded.
Take care, and be safe.
amy
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Oh come on now Jodie, you know the drill with this guy. He always wants new and exciting. His wife is no longer new or exciting and he just wants an affair. It might FEEL like you have all the control right now, but if you engage, the control will no longer be yours. You will have given it away.
Just think about it.
Hugs!
Just think about it.
Hugs!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
Amy,
I agree 100% and even Zoso has mentioned multiple times that he suspects he has BPD. He certainly demonstrates all the traits. If I ever threatened to leave him he would threaten suicide or show up unannounced at my house banging on my windows. As soon as he regained control he would start abusing me again and emotionally abandoning me.
He's very extreme and swings from completely desperate and pathetic to very independent and avoidant. He would pull me in, push me away. Gave me a huge diamond ring and proposed marriage then broke up with me a month later. He's unpredictable and impulsive. His friends have told me in private that he is crazy. My best friend is a counselor and she said she highly suspects BPD.
I think he could get dangerous if he didn't have her and I was ignoring him. He has her to occupy him now though which is good. Anytime I tried to leave him in the past he would blackmail me.
I never thought the pain of missing him would diminish but I can honestly say I'm glad this diabolical person is out of my life. I still cry and miss him but I know I'm better off.
I agree 100% and even Zoso has mentioned multiple times that he suspects he has BPD. He certainly demonstrates all the traits. If I ever threatened to leave him he would threaten suicide or show up unannounced at my house banging on my windows. As soon as he regained control he would start abusing me again and emotionally abandoning me.
He's very extreme and swings from completely desperate and pathetic to very independent and avoidant. He would pull me in, push me away. Gave me a huge diamond ring and proposed marriage then broke up with me a month later. He's unpredictable and impulsive. His friends have told me in private that he is crazy. My best friend is a counselor and she said she highly suspects BPD.
I think he could get dangerous if he didn't have her and I was ignoring him. He has her to occupy him now though which is good. Anytime I tried to leave him in the past he would blackmail me.
I never thought the pain of missing him would diminish but I can honestly say I'm glad this diabolical person is out of my life. I still cry and miss him but I know I'm better off.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Jolie - well done on not responding. Your recovery is really shining. Keep up with and recognize all your hard work. I hope it is giving you a preview of the great and healthy life you have ahead of you and that you deserve!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Boy he is scary.
Interesting you mention that the only thing he mentioned was your sex life, and how that makes you feel objectified.
Sex was the connection here its why you stayed, its why you came back, its why you put up with his bullish!t. You have mentioned it too many times to be otherwise. You are an object to him a puppet on a string - he has accomplished the impossible with you due to your sexual addictions to each other.
Very proud of you that you aren't falling for it. Keep up the good work.
Did you keep the ring? Perhaps now would be a good time to sell it and move.
Interesting you mention that the only thing he mentioned was your sex life, and how that makes you feel objectified.
Sex was the connection here its why you stayed, its why you came back, its why you put up with his bullish!t. You have mentioned it too many times to be otherwise. You are an object to him a puppet on a string - he has accomplished the impossible with you due to your sexual addictions to each other.
Very proud of you that you aren't falling for it. Keep up the good work.
Did you keep the ring? Perhaps now would be a good time to sell it and move.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
They have a fear of rejection and abandonment, even though they are usually the one that rejects and abandons.
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Three posts have been removed under SR Rule 1.
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It's hard to tell if he's really that obsessed or just playing stupid games. I'd just stick with the no contact, delete any emails that get through the block as soon as you realize who it's from. If you don't respond, he will either stop it or not. If he continues to contact you, apply for a protective order. You don't need the intrusion in your life.
I'd hesitate, at this point, to save his emails as evidence. So far, all he's really doing is trying to reel you back in. I don't recall any history of domestic violence in the sense of physical danger. If I'm wrong about that, then I'd apply for an order or file a complaint for harassment sooner rather than later. If I'm correct, though, saving those emails will just tempt you to keep poring over them to read between the lines.
I'd hesitate, at this point, to save his emails as evidence. So far, all he's really doing is trying to reel you back in. I don't recall any history of domestic violence in the sense of physical danger. If I'm wrong about that, then I'd apply for an order or file a complaint for harassment sooner rather than later. If I'm correct, though, saving those emails will just tempt you to keep poring over them to read between the lines.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
Lexie,
Yup and that's exactly what I've done...re-read it 10 times and tried to dissect it. So toxic.
He was never physically abusive per se except pushing me and punching walls, etc. But he was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive.
Yup and that's exactly what I've done...re-read it 10 times and tried to dissect it. So toxic.
He was never physically abusive per se except pushing me and punching walls, etc. But he was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
pushing me and punching walls
That is physical abuse. I had the same idea when I was in an abusive relationship, that anything less than a punch in the face somehow "didn't count" as physical abuse, but shoving and physical intimidation (like punching walls) are both physical abuse.
That is physical abuse. I had the same idea when I was in an abusive relationship, that anything less than a punch in the face somehow "didn't count" as physical abuse, but shoving and physical intimidation (like punching walls) are both physical abuse.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
In that case, I think I'd just keep blocking and deleting for right now. If anything escalates that makes it appear he is crossing into stalker territory, then consult a DV advocate about how best to proceed, emphasizing that you do NOT want to be reviewing these emails yourself. If you have a friend you can really TRUST (i.e., not one of those people who can't wait to fill you in on the latest "news" about him), you could set up an email rule to forward those emails to her and delete from your server. You could instruct her to inform you ONLY if there is disturbing content suggesting you are in danger. And then you can go directly to the police.
There is sometimes a point to monitoring what's going on, WHEN there is a potential stalking situation, but given your difficulty in letting go of the relationship, you might not be the best person to be doing that.
There is sometimes a point to monitoring what's going on, WHEN there is a potential stalking situation, but given your difficulty in letting go of the relationship, you might not be the best person to be doing that.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Originally Posted by Seren 
Three posts have been removed under SR Rule 1.
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Thanks.
I just use that to mention the various books -- or that particular forum that exists outside the scope of Addictions or Alcohol.
The book line up is just the Sequence of Survival Manuals folks dealing with other who have these Cluster B Personality Disorders.
Is the book line-up okay WITHOUT the Amazon/Barnes-Noble/Books-a-million etc., link?
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