Catareta

Well, it hit me this morning!
ABF cancelled an appointment with alcohol liaison in Jan this year and both his sister & I have reminded him. He has dialled the number but left answerphone.. But I now don't believe him..

He is forgetting things & not sleeping - so taking otc sleepers. He is drinking like when we first met - 1 bottle of red & 8-10 cans cider.

I don't have the option of leaving as place is in my name and have nowhere to go (due to finances) things are good for me - job interviews, uni, back to work opps. Wish had a social life..

FeelingGreat

Why should you leave Cat, can't he? Or don't you want that?

Catareta

I still love him & he isn't nasty, confrontational or controlling. He is sick and needs help not a kick in the face.

Sungrl

As long as you are ok with it. I guess. You don't sound happy and he doesn't sound ready to change. Love won't change him. I tried that tactic for awhile.
Just keep working on you. Maybe you will feel differently in time.

LexieCat

But he doesn't WANT help. And you can't MAKE him want it. If it's acceptable to you to live this way, then you can continue doing what you're doing. If not, you will have to make some decisions and take some action.

Thomas45

This is very dangerous. Even over the counter sleeping pills are highly addictive. Your body adjusts to the chemicals rather quickly and you build tolerance fast, which is why they are only supposed to be taken sparingly. It means he'll have to take more than the acceptable dose to get the same effect. Plus they don't address the root cause of the insomnia, and they can actually cause him to lose his ability to sleep entirely unless he continues to take the pills. Side note, forgetfulness is a very common side effect of using sleeping pills. Many OTC sleepers have sedatives in them in addition to the antihistamine, and when combined with alcohol, they can cause the user to pass out and stop breathing entirely.

Be careful, if he doesn't change what he's doing, his 'rock bottom' could be the bottom of a 6 foot hole.

SparkleKitty

He also has the right to refuse help, not seek it, and otherwise not change at all. He's an adult and can live any way chooses. Your choice is whether this is what you want for YOUR life.

FeelingGreat

He's had the option of getting help, but he cancelled the appointment. He doesn't want help at this point.
Why should he look for help when he has a place to stay, a GF to look after him, no doubt a comfortable domestic situation? A kick in the face might be the only thing that forces him to confront his addiction.
You have a great situation where you are, yet the only thing that occurs to you is YOU leaving. That's turned about the wrong way. Why would his choices force you to pay the price? You might say he can't help it, but he cancelled a session where he would have been able to access help.
Have you considered going to Alanon, which is for the F&F of alcoholics. You'll meet a lot of people who know what you're going through.

NWGRITS

You're enabling him to keep up this lifestyle, so you might as well accept who he is right now. But, the little caveat to that is he's going to get worse. Alcoholism is progressive unless treated, and he doesn't want the help. Making him leave isn't a kick in the face, it's making him be an adult and take care of himself (which he doesn't have to do because you're making everything extra cushy for him - I wouldn't want to leave, either). It's the best thing you can do for the both of you.