OMG They Have Threesomes!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I have to agree. Kids are going to snoop. Don't make it about them, or that there is something wrong with them. They're trying to understand.
I don't think this issue was a huge one, to be honest. People leave stuff at friends' houses. So? Even if it is a threesome...so? I don't know why the kids need to know that part, but I don't think it's going to ruin them forever. It's just another colorful part of their crazy dad. Maybe they'll think twice now. It's that old saying, "Be careful what you ask for." Some things we really don't want to know about our parents
Maybe they'll stop looking and start complaining loudly...like in that restaurant when bootie texts "appear."
I don't think this issue was a huge one, to be honest. People leave stuff at friends' houses. So? Even if it is a threesome...so? I don't know why the kids need to know that part, but I don't think it's going to ruin them forever. It's just another colorful part of their crazy dad. Maybe they'll think twice now. It's that old saying, "Be careful what you ask for." Some things we really don't want to know about our parents
Maybe they'll stop looking and start complaining loudly...like in that restaurant when bootie texts "appear."
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by dandylion 
Gracie...there are generations of Empirical evidence that it is normal for children to "snoop"
PROVIDED THAT THEY HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY.
Children are driven by curiosity. This is what propels them to explore their environments...to learn..... Just a natural part of development.
dandylion
PROVIDED THAT THEY HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY.
Children are driven by curiosity. This is what propels them to explore their environments...to learn..... Just a natural part of development.
dandylion
I know kids are curious, humans are curious, it is our nature.
I am saying that why they are snooping may not be normal. They are not trying to find out what is hidden in the Christmas packages and looking around the corner for the Easter Bunny. They are not trying to find out what big plans are for a special birthday dinner or what the birthday present is.
They are looking for dirt and they are finding it. That is why they continue to look and why everything goes haywire every time they find something.
If they didn't find anything, do you think they would still be looking? I doubt it, to boring.
They are looking and reporting what they find for a reason.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
They are looking for dirt and they are finding it. That is why they continue to look and why everything goes haywire every time they find something.
If they didn't find anything, do you think they would still be looking? I doubt it, to boring.
They are looking and reporting what they find for a reason.
If they didn't find anything, do you think they would still be looking? I doubt it, to boring.
They are looking and reporting what they find for a reason.
With my son, it came down to me saying, essentially, "Look, you're dad's a nutcase. There's nothing to say to him, argue about, or convince him of. He does crazy stuff because he's crazy. He makes no sense, he makes weird decisions, he chooses weird stuff to focus on, and makes really bad decisions, a lot. SO MANY BAD DECISIONS. That's him, I'm sorry I didn't pick you a better dad. But I will do my best to make sure this house is calm, predictable, and sane."
His dad is still crazy and likes to pick weird, arbitrary stuff to focus on in DS15's life, make promises he can't keep, have zero rules or boundaries between him and DS15, and that's that. That's how his house works. Sometimes they have a great time together and I cheerlead that, sometimes it's wackadoodle. There's literally nothing I can do about it.
Hopeful might eventually have to say, "Look, guys, you can keep snooping and finding dirt on your dad, and if you do you're going to find dirt. He has problems you and I can't fix, and looking for dirt on him is a waste of your time," and let that be that. She might have to say, "Look, guys, your dad's sex life is none of your or my business. Leave it alone."
But there's nothing to actually DO about it otherwise. It is what it is.
Saying, "I will do my best to make sure MY house is calm, predictable, and sane," is about the only thing you can say, then do it.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Gracie...I respectfully, have another view on this. Kids are naturally curious about everything...from the Christmas presents hidden in the closet to their Dad's Playboy magazines hidden under the mattress. Sexual? Even more enticing.
I know that this is not the Norman Rockwell view of childhood and children...but, I maintain that it is true.
dandylion
I know that this is not the Norman Rockwell view of childhood and children...but, I maintain that it is true.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Looking at the phone falls w/in the range of normal IMO - especially if the phone is just on the table. The 'atypical' part is the extreme reaction. One girl was so upset she had a panic attack and needed to go to the ER. That is waaaaay out of proportion, IMO, to finding a simple text or finding out something squicky about a parents sex life. I'm sure the drunkeness and all the other 'stuff' played a part. Helping her cope with and manage information and the realities of her life so she isn't thrown so off kilter is so much more important to address than the actual act of looking at the phone. The phone could disappear and it wouldn't address the bottom line.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
To clear this up one last time, they did not go through his phone. The texts appeared in front of their face on his phone b/c he has them set to pop up even when the phone is locked. My DD who is 15 also saw him text asking the other girl for inappropriate pictures. He was sitting right beside my DD when that happened. This is why I am ticked. I do not care what they do, I just want them to keep it private.
I think I am done talking about this. The bigger issue is that now my DD has been to the hospital to be treated for anxiety attacks. Hmmm....what a coincidence it's the same time as all of this happened. I believe he is seeing threesome girl on the side and his fiancée does not realize he is with her when she is not around. Not my business, just how I think it is. I really don't care about that.
So that being said, I am going to do what I tell everyone else, take what you want from all of these posts and leave the rest. I appreciate everyone's insight.
I think I am done talking about this. The bigger issue is that now my DD has been to the hospital to be treated for anxiety attacks. Hmmm....what a coincidence it's the same time as all of this happened. I believe he is seeing threesome girl on the side and his fiancée does not realize he is with her when she is not around. Not my business, just how I think it is. I really don't care about that.
So that being said, I am going to do what I tell everyone else, take what you want from all of these posts and leave the rest. I appreciate everyone's insight.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Hopeful, I am so sorry about your DD and I hope she's feeling better today.
Have you talked with your attorney about everything that has been transpiring recently? Or maybe talking to your daughter's counselor for advice would be another good avenue? I know that your daughters love their dad but at this point I would be considering making the unpopular decision of having his parental rights removed under the agreements stated in your decree or moving for ONLY supervised visitation.
Your husband is still spiraling, which isn't a surprise but it is really, really crumby that your girls are having to experience all of the drama that he is adding in addition to his alcoholism.
Sending you and your girls big hugs. I hope the three of you have a very restful weekend.
Have you talked with your attorney about everything that has been transpiring recently? Or maybe talking to your daughter's counselor for advice would be another good avenue? I know that your daughters love their dad but at this point I would be considering making the unpopular decision of having his parental rights removed under the agreements stated in your decree or moving for ONLY supervised visitation.
Your husband is still spiraling, which isn't a surprise but it is really, really crumby that your girls are having to experience all of the drama that he is adding in addition to his alcoholism.
Sending you and your girls big hugs. I hope the three of you have a very restful weekend.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hi Stung.
Yes, it is beyond stressful. As someone else said, the seeing the phone is the tip of the iceberg. His behaviors are finally catching up to the kids, it breaks my heart. I am in contact w/the counselor. Right now he is being fairly cooperative about the visitation, we will see how that transpires as time moves forward.
Honestly, I am so tired. My little DD is also reacting to her sister's trauma and you can tell it is just wearing all of us down. Hopefully this week will be a better one.
Thank you again for your support, it means a lot to me!
XXX
Yes, it is beyond stressful. As someone else said, the seeing the phone is the tip of the iceberg. His behaviors are finally catching up to the kids, it breaks my heart. I am in contact w/the counselor. Right now he is being fairly cooperative about the visitation, we will see how that transpires as time moves forward.
Honestly, I am so tired. My little DD is also reacting to her sister's trauma and you can tell it is just wearing all of us down. Hopefully this week will be a better one.
Thank you again for your support, it means a lot to me!
XXX
Originally Posted by Stung
Hopeful, I am so sorry about your DD and I hope she's feeling better today.
Have you talked with your attorney about everything that has been transpiring recently? Or maybe talking to your daughter's counselor for advice would be another good avenue? I know that your daughters love their dad but at this point I would be considering making the unpopular decision of having his parental rights removed under the agreements stated in your decree or moving for ONLY supervised visitation.
Your husband is still spiraling, which isn't a surprise but it is really, really crumby that your girls are having to experience all of the drama that he is adding in addition to his alcoholism.
Sending you and your girls big hugs. I hope the three of you have a very restful weekend.
Have you talked with your attorney about everything that has been transpiring recently? Or maybe talking to your daughter's counselor for advice would be another good avenue? I know that your daughters love their dad but at this point I would be considering making the unpopular decision of having his parental rights removed under the agreements stated in your decree or moving for ONLY supervised visitation.
Your husband is still spiraling, which isn't a surprise but it is really, really crumby that your girls are having to experience all of the drama that he is adding in addition to his alcoholism.
Sending you and your girls big hugs. I hope the three of you have a very restful weekend.
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