I feel like an A-hole
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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I feel like an A-hole
I hate saying "I love you" at the end if phone calls. (I do love him)
He mentioned having a good heart to heart with his bar buddy, and talking about them both "going through a rough patch with their old ladies "
(Ummmm yeah no kidding you're AT THE BAR)
A rough patch, really? ? I asked for a separation and for you to get help guy! You haven't gone anywhere nor seen anyone professionally.
Life goes on normal, because it's easier that way.
But in a week and a half I will receive the keys to my own apartment. And I will have to once again deal with reality.
Had to vent. Again.
He mentioned having a good heart to heart with his bar buddy, and talking about them both "going through a rough patch with their old ladies "
(Ummmm yeah no kidding you're AT THE BAR)
A rough patch, really? ? I asked for a separation and for you to get help guy! You haven't gone anywhere nor seen anyone professionally.
Life goes on normal, because it's easier that way.
But in a week and a half I will receive the keys to my own apartment. And I will have to once again deal with reality.
Had to vent. Again.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
We all (kids and AH) say I love you at the end of our conversations...but it's like a SUPER quick, "ok bye, love you" *click*
And yes, him saying that he's having a heart to heart at the BAR is not exactly something that would want to make me end the exchange with an "ok I love you, have a good time" or whatever. I get it.
You're not an A-hole.
Your changing! Your recovering, your learning to LOVE yourself...so of course you wouldn't say I love you when you are clearly hurt.
I think it would be more "a-hole ish" of you to say I love you when you didn't mean it.
Which in that case...makes me an a-hole at times with my AH because I say it even when I don't feel it at the time.
Hugs
And yes, him saying that he's having a heart to heart at the BAR is not exactly something that would want to make me end the exchange with an "ok I love you, have a good time" or whatever. I get it.
You're not an A-hole.
Your changing! Your recovering, your learning to LOVE yourself...so of course you wouldn't say I love you when you are clearly hurt.
I think it would be more "a-hole ish" of you to say I love you when you didn't mean it.
Which in that case...makes me an a-hole at times with my AH because I say it even when I don't feel it at the time.
Hugs
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
I think it would be more "a-hole ish" of you to say I love you when you didn't mean it.
Which in that case...makes me an a-hole at times with my AH because I say it even when I don't feel it at the time.
Hugs[/QUOTE]
That made me crinkle my nose reading that. I felt guilty. Lately I feel that while I do love him, I'm not IN love with him. That hurts to admit it.
Which in that case...makes me an a-hole at times with my AH because I say it even when I don't feel it at the time.
Hugs[/QUOTE]
That made me crinkle my nose reading that. I felt guilty. Lately I feel that while I do love him, I'm not IN love with him. That hurts to admit it.
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Ok - yes it does hurt to admit that- but you just did.
It's ok to admit that.
It's ok to NOT love someone who has caused YOU so much pain.
I would suggest you sit with that feeling for a while.
You're not an A-hole.
I mean, literally, it isn't possible-
...but even if it WAS that wouldn't be you.
When I suggested you sit with that feeling for a while- I would also suggest that you don't "react" to that feeling. Just mule it over for a while, ya know? See if it grows on you or if it's situational.
Hugs, you are NOT a jerk- your hurting, and there is a HUGE difference
It's ok to admit that.
It's ok to NOT love someone who has caused YOU so much pain.
I would suggest you sit with that feeling for a while.
You're not an A-hole.
I mean, literally, it isn't possible-
...but even if it WAS that wouldn't be you.When I suggested you sit with that feeling for a while- I would also suggest that you don't "react" to that feeling. Just mule it over for a while, ya know? See if it grows on you or if it's situational.
Hugs, you are NOT a jerk- your hurting, and there is a HUGE difference
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I plan on mulling it over for 6+ months/ a year. In the mean time I will be pursuing that separation.
With his attempts (even though delusional and half a$$ed) at trying to improve: I feel like I am giving false hope by sweeping this under the rug the past few weeks. And it's not just me letting it slide lately, but his bad habit of acting like nothing is wrong.
With his attempts (even though delusional and half a$$ed) at trying to improve: I feel like I am giving false hope by sweeping this under the rug the past few weeks. And it's not just me letting it slide lately, but his bad habit of acting like nothing is wrong.
Last edited by thousandwords53; 02-17-2015 at 06:36 PM. Reason: typo
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Location: Iowa
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My ex opted for "barstool therapy" during our trial separation. He was supposed to be working on himself and that was what he chose. I don't think he really believed I was serious about leaving because I'd made so many empty threats in the past.
Thankfully I stuck to my boundary. He is still trying to drink his way to a better life and I am working my Alanon program and individual therapy. Use this time to work on yourself and think about what you really want. He is going to do what he is going to do, no matter how you end your phone conversations.
Thankfully I stuck to my boundary. He is still trying to drink his way to a better life and I am working my Alanon program and individual therapy. Use this time to work on yourself and think about what you really want. He is going to do what he is going to do, no matter how you end your phone conversations.
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