My ex who got married in Vegas is crying for me now!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Originally Posted by Jodie77 
Yes I am working on me! Today I had a therapy appt, in 2 months I'll be in Boca Raton, I bought the book Saber Tooth Tiger, and I'm making dinner plans with friends, and I'm staying close to God in prayer. That's what I'm doing for me 
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Just be careful, Jodie. I think it's great that you're doing all that stuff, and if you stick with it, it will pay off for you big-time.
I'm a tiny bit concerned about how elated you seem by this "news" that your brother reported. Maybe I'm misinterpreting, and if so, I apologize. I hope you will continue to work on separating what you do, and how you feel, from what he is doing or saying. The best way to do that is to AVOID reports about what he is doing or saying.
The less you know, the faster you will heal. If you don't know about it, you can't stay stuck on it. I'm speaking from personal experience, here.
I'm a tiny bit concerned about how elated you seem by this "news" that your brother reported. Maybe I'm misinterpreting, and if so, I apologize. I hope you will continue to work on separating what you do, and how you feel, from what he is doing or saying. The best way to do that is to AVOID reports about what he is doing or saying.
The less you know, the faster you will heal. If you don't know about it, you can't stay stuck on it. I'm speaking from personal experience, here.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Jodie77
I wouldn't say I'm necessarily elated, but I do feel validation.
< ZoSo hits Jodie over the head with a cartoon sized mallet ala Looney Tunes >
You have quickly forgotten how you should respond to anything he does.
He's an addict, he's Bipolar, and he's likely Borderline.
Remember?
Do you know what all of this means? This means at any given moment, he's capable of doing or saying anything. We don't know if he was under the influence. We don't know if he was manic. We don't know if, as I've predicted in previous posts, his devaluation of his new bride has already begun, which is classic BPD behavior.
In other words, what he said has nothing to do with you. But it is a snapshot captured at a moment of time of the cognitive carnage going on between his ears.
Besides, we shouldn't have to have other people provide us validation. We should validate ourselves.
FWIW, if my AXGF ever said something like that to me, I'd tell her to go < bleep > herself.
With that, I'm out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
This kind of circus can go on and on and on. I left my then AH 2.5 years ago and divorced him. He was a narcissist and verbally and emotionally abusive. Gas lighting, stockholm syndrome, you name it. I nearly lost my soul staying with him.
It has been 2.5 years of d*mn hard work for me to get to the point where I am happy on my own, secure in who I am, not haunted by who he said I was or wasn't. I can live by myself happily. I don't need anyone to complete me. I am complete as I am. I am completely me now. I am contented. Very hard fought for, all that growth.
My ex husband told me that he dated 150 women in those 2.5 years, and he re-married in December 2014.
So a couple of days ago, I get a text out of the blue from him saying that he thought we would be together until death do us part. That he thought I was "impulsive" for leaving in the middle of a "marital argument". That I had confused him with my abusive alcoholic father (I am now 64) and it wasn't him at all who did any of those things he did. I was hallucinating and lying. The hospital faked the blood test that reported his .329 blood alcohol level. That he did his "best" with me, despite my many problems.
I thought his new wife must have left him, but she didn't. She was most likely in the next room while he wrote this.
The truth was that his alcoholism became unbearable to me, and I told him my boundaries were to not live with an alcoholic or a man addicted to porn. He chose to continue, and I chose to leave.
Jodie, from my experience, they will continue and persist in their illogical "logic" of putting out what they think they need at any given moment as the "truth".
I hope that you take this next year or two or three to become best friends with yourself and forget him today and tomorrow and for the future.
He needs that adoration, submissiveness, and self doubt in you to make himself feel big, to fill the empty hole in himself. He needs the churning of wheels and emotion going nowhere but making a huge amount of noise in order to "hear" that he is still alive. He wants drama, chaos, and he feels he has the unalienable right to get that chaos and drama from YOU.
He doesn't. You have to cut it off severely, suddenly, and permanently, however. You deserve more and you can earn it.
I just can't begin to express how much happier I am now, and how thrilling the future before me looks. Took me years and lots and lots of emotional work, and I will continue that for the rest of my life, but believe, please believe, that the rewards are incredible.
You have to cut the umbilical cord to get that freedom and joy.
ShootingStar1
It has been 2.5 years of d*mn hard work for me to get to the point where I am happy on my own, secure in who I am, not haunted by who he said I was or wasn't. I can live by myself happily. I don't need anyone to complete me. I am complete as I am. I am completely me now. I am contented. Very hard fought for, all that growth.
My ex husband told me that he dated 150 women in those 2.5 years, and he re-married in December 2014.
So a couple of days ago, I get a text out of the blue from him saying that he thought we would be together until death do us part. That he thought I was "impulsive" for leaving in the middle of a "marital argument". That I had confused him with my abusive alcoholic father (I am now 64) and it wasn't him at all who did any of those things he did. I was hallucinating and lying. The hospital faked the blood test that reported his .329 blood alcohol level. That he did his "best" with me, despite my many problems.
I thought his new wife must have left him, but she didn't. She was most likely in the next room while he wrote this.
The truth was that his alcoholism became unbearable to me, and I told him my boundaries were to not live with an alcoholic or a man addicted to porn. He chose to continue, and I chose to leave.
Jodie, from my experience, they will continue and persist in their illogical "logic" of putting out what they think they need at any given moment as the "truth".
I hope that you take this next year or two or three to become best friends with yourself and forget him today and tomorrow and for the future.
He needs that adoration, submissiveness, and self doubt in you to make himself feel big, to fill the empty hole in himself. He needs the churning of wheels and emotion going nowhere but making a huge amount of noise in order to "hear" that he is still alive. He wants drama, chaos, and he feels he has the unalienable right to get that chaos and drama from YOU.
He doesn't. You have to cut it off severely, suddenly, and permanently, however. You deserve more and you can earn it.
I just can't begin to express how much happier I am now, and how thrilling the future before me looks. Took me years and lots and lots of emotional work, and I will continue that for the rest of my life, but believe, please believe, that the rewards are incredible.
You have to cut the umbilical cord to get that freedom and joy.
ShootingStar1
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Agreeing with zoso, this still has absolutely nothing to do with you.
This isn't a game. It isn't a contest. He's a crazy drunk who makes poor decisions on a regular basis. Nobody is keeping score here but you. And it's unnecessary because there's no prize at the end of this. You don't get an award for being just as crazy as he is. What you COULD get if you'd stop obsessing over him is a healthy life where you love yourself. If you don't have that, you don't have anything, really. You'll just keep making the same poor decisions over and over again, just like he's doing. He is out of your life. Gone, done, buh-bye. There is absolutely no reason why you need to be talking to anyone about him. If they can't respect that, then you need to find new friends.
This isn't a game. It isn't a contest. He's a crazy drunk who makes poor decisions on a regular basis. Nobody is keeping score here but you. And it's unnecessary because there's no prize at the end of this. You don't get an award for being just as crazy as he is. What you COULD get if you'd stop obsessing over him is a healthy life where you love yourself. If you don't have that, you don't have anything, really. You'll just keep making the same poor decisions over and over again, just like he's doing. He is out of your life. Gone, done, buh-bye. There is absolutely no reason why you need to be talking to anyone about him. If they can't respect that, then you need to find new friends.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Of course he's crying now!!!! That's what they do!!!!
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK EVERYTHING
NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT
DO NOT BE TEMPTED TO RESPOND TO ANYTHING FROM ANYONE RELATED TO HIM
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK EVERYTHING
NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT
I don't know how else to say it. You WILL be tempted because he broke your heart. DON'T DO IT. Unless you want to be hurt again. He WILL continue crazy if you let him.
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK EVERYTHING
NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT
DO NOT BE TEMPTED TO RESPOND TO ANYTHING FROM ANYONE RELATED TO HIM
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK EVERYTHING
NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT
I don't know how else to say it. You WILL be tempted because he broke your heart. DON'T DO IT. Unless you want to be hurt again. He WILL continue crazy if you let him.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Originally Posted by ShootingStar1
I hope that you take this next year or two or three to become best friends with yourself and forget him today and tomorrow and for the future.
ShootingStar1
Everything ShootingStar said in her post is dead on.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Your head has been jacked up for 5 years which is what makes this so hard for you it is habitual.
Please step back and recognize the cycle of your relationship. How many times break up and get back together? Fight and makeup?
He treats you like you don't matter. You have cried how many tears in the past 5 weeks? Whats he been doing? You know what he has been doing. It resulted in a marriage. Now, he is wishing he didn't do it. Now he is f**king someone else's life up too.
Come on girl.
Please step back and recognize the cycle of your relationship. How many times break up and get back together? Fight and makeup?
He treats you like you don't matter. You have cried how many tears in the past 5 weeks? Whats he been doing? You know what he has been doing. It resulted in a marriage. Now, he is wishing he didn't do it. Now he is f**king someone else's life up too.
Come on girl.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,905
Everything ShootingStar said in her post is dead on.
Her life is so much better now and I admire her so very much.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
Originally Posted by Jodie77
Thank you I already know he is going to use triangulation with my brother. He's going to continue to reach out to him to tell him things to relay back to me...
I wonder how his new "wife" would feel about his latest text...ugh.
I already know he is going to use triangulation with my brother. He's going to continue to reach out to him to tell him things to relay back to me...I wonder how his new "wife" would feel about his latest text...ugh.
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Location: West Coast
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Hey Jodie I predicted this exact scenario 2-3 weeks ago and your response was, not gonna happen, the Greek community etc etc....he won't do to her what he did to me, and to his GF before me, and to his wife and kids before that etc etc...and yet voila here he is sending messages through intermediaries and you are eating it up (vindicated) -- do you see how FUBAR this entire situation is?
Stop the drama and simply tell your friends and family that anyone who passes on tidings of this man will be blocked. And then do it. Jesus enough is enough.
Stop the drama and simply tell your friends and family that anyone who passes on tidings of this man will be blocked. And then do it. Jesus enough is enough.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Saw this train wreck coming from the very beginning.
They ALWAYS come back.
Allow yourself one quick little victory dance and then RUN, as far as you can, from that train wreck. Don't be another victim. There will be no survivors, just carnage and hell for all involved.
You worked too hard, and suffered too much, to even look in that direction ever again. He will NEVER change. EVER. If you go back, I promise you'll be right back at the beginning all over again...and I say that out of hard earned experience that I wish on no one.
I can't say that I feel sorry for this girl in all honesty..she walked right onto the tracks with her eyes wide open. And then married him. In Vegas. Oiy. This outcome wasn't too obvious, was it?
Proud of you Jodie!! You're so much better then this insanity! XOXO
They ALWAYS come back.
Allow yourself one quick little victory dance and then RUN, as far as you can, from that train wreck. Don't be another victim. There will be no survivors, just carnage and hell for all involved.
You worked too hard, and suffered too much, to even look in that direction ever again. He will NEVER change. EVER. If you go back, I promise you'll be right back at the beginning all over again...and I say that out of hard earned experience that I wish on no one.
I can't say that I feel sorry for this girl in all honesty..she walked right onto the tracks with her eyes wide open. And then married him. In Vegas. Oiy. This outcome wasn't too obvious, was it?
Proud of you Jodie!! You're so much better then this insanity! XOXO
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