Osakis

My brother is checking out of a rehab program after doing a 28-day stint. It was his own idea to try the program and he feels very good about his time there (he's even talking about becoming a CD counselor).

I wish I could celebrate his homecoming, but I have all the old anxieties again. He's been off alcohol for a month, which is great, but all the problems he had when he went in are still there. He has no money (my elderly mother even had to give him $400 as a down payment for his rehab treatment), the status of his job is very uncertain.

I feel guilty that I'm having to pretend to be happy he's home. At least when he was in rehab we knew he was safe. I do want to be supportive and I love him very much, but I'm also hoping that I don't have to be much a part of his life -- at least for a while, until he gets his life together.

It's funny--he hasn't shown any interest in being part of our lives for years (even though my mother has been financially supporting him), and yet I feel a responsibility to be there for him. Gee, d'ya think I'm co-dependent much?

kgm

redrose0729

I will pray for you and your whole family. I wish I had some words of wisdom but right now I am wishing my bf would come to the point where he will go to rehab or anything .I can imagine how affraid you must be but at least he has made a big step in going to rehab . The only thing I would do if he falls off the wagon is to encourage him to get back on it again. I do know that he will know that you and the rest of your family are afraid part of rehab is accepting responsibility for his actions and the consequences that come along with them. Please keep focusing on yourself though and pray for him and that is all we can do. Best wishes to you and your family.

Osakis

My mother is angry with me right now and is depressed. She showed me a letter she intended to give my brother when he stops by, and I told her it was a bad idea. It's essentially a list of demands of things she wants him to do: go back to work immediately, proceed with his bankruptcy, go to AA, etc. She ends with the threat that if he doesn't do these things, she'll have no more to do with him. Since she's been helping him financially (even yesterday she had to pay for his prescription for antidepressant), she believes she is entitled to have him do what she wants.

I told her that she can't control him or make his decisions for him; she can only set boundaries and decide how much SHE is willing to continue doing for him. She countered that she can't just let him go without his meds, wind up on the street, etc. I suggested that if he didn't have this safety net, he'd eventually HAVE to do the things she's demanding of him; it's her continued support that is enabling him to procrastinate.

It might become necessary to take a hard line with my bro in the future, but I didn't feel this was the right time or way to do it. Mom feels undermined by my reaction, though. I wish this disease didn't cause so much pain and turmoil in so many lives...

Magichappens

Hey Keri,
Good to hear from you. Have you considered attending any Al-Anon meetings? There is a lot of love and support there. There is also help for those things that are bothering you. Constantly worrying about whether your brother stays sober or not isn't healthy for you, and it won't keep him sober. Maybe learning how to lessen your worry level might be a benefit to you. I hope that you find some peace soon. You can feel better. It just takes reaching out. I am praying for you and your family. Hugs, Magic